The Scarecrow
by Weasleyweasel
Summary: It wouldn't be the first time they thought someone was dead... "Do you remember what the last words you said to her were?"... "I remember what I never said..."
1. Prologue

**Hello there, Weasels!**

**Finally i decided to upload it, mostly because everytime i read it i erased it and rewrote it so i thought that maybe if i uploaded it i would stop doing such a stupid thing... I'm uploading this one because it's the one that's giving me trouble, but i'll still write the NaruSaku... :)**

**Things you need to know about this story; it is settled three years after Akatsuki's attack and i won't mess with that so... don't really ask about how things happened to get where i put this line. I do hope you enjoy the plot i planned, but you also need to know i'll explore a bit more of what i think is going on with Kakashi's disturbed mind... lol**

**He was the first character in Naruto that i truly liked and i've liked him so far so i really hope this will be good and i truly hope this won't be as long as Dreams!**

**Thank you for your last reviews to that story!**

**About Tk Taylor's drawings... well... lol she made a list and i am the last prority in it... lol I was laughing really hard about that, but oh well... i'll post the link as soon as she gets to my name in the list :D**

**I was thinking about uploading a drawing per chapter with this story, but i'll see what i can do... I don't know how often i'll be able to update but i hope i can at least do it three times a week... sorry if that's slow, but i am really busy now...**

**The prologue is based on a song from my favorite singer... he sings in spanish but i did my best trying to tranlate it and for it to sound nice lol i hope you like it i totally felt it was fitting for my plot... :)**

**Ricardo Arjona - Espantapajaros / Scarecrow**

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**~ Prologue ~**

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Magpies would serve for company though it never was enough and watching became a dull task… as usual; alone.

My friend; the moon was dazzled by the sun and no longer would we stay all night idly chatting about whatever crossed our lonely minds… I was a faithful witness of the lonely cornfield as she died pierced by the sunrays…

What a sad fate!

I couldn't even move, not even a bit to the south to follow my only friend… she dully fell asleep and the rain rolled over the roof; noting I could do… that's what I get for being the scarecrow… always lonely.

Wearing an old and ragged suit with a reversed tie… suit inherited by a deceased judge and the tie serving for the rats' share. I have a straw hat and my head is nothing but a ball…

It's been a long time since that girl walked by; she stared at me and she made a heart start beating inside my chest…

Damn my luck!

I couldn't even move, that day…

I wanted to tell her: "untie me from this post and take me with you! It's been centuries since I've been here and only now I realize I am a man…"

But nothing was what I did… that's what I get for being a scarecrow…

Lonely… always lonely…

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**This is a pretty bitter story... and i hope you'll like the plot...**


	2. Bitterness

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you do leave a small review! :)**

**I'm nervous... lol**

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**~ Bitterness ~**

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**~Nothing as frightening as the feeling of this being the last time...~**

…

"_Kakashi" he opened his eyes to the sound of the voice and his face was immediately greeted by her smiling one; her big brown eyes looking amusedly at his permanently bored face. "You fell asleep again…" she smiled._

"_It's pleasant." Was his short reply as she straightened her back and came to sit next to him on the soft grass._

"_I know; I prefer seeing you here…" her bitter tone made him sigh and he pushed his form off the grass and sat next to her… she hid her bitterness with a fake smile he was tired and scared of seeing since Obito died. "But I guess I'm just late! An hour earlier and I'd probably had seen you at the cenotaph…" her try to lighten the situation failed miserably and Kakashi frowned at his friend._

"_Rin…"_

"_No… I am turning 20 in a week, Kakashi; should we have a drink together?" she asked hopefully, giving him the same fake smile._

_For a moment his lonely black eyes jumped from one big brown eye to the other trying to find a way to reach to the old Rin, but she was nowhere to be found and he knew this was the littlest bit he could do for her… Ever since she had tried to confess he had tried to avoid the conversation._

_Obito had loved her too much; she was Obito's not his… he couldn't claim her in any way more than a friendly one._

"_Kakashi, I've never drank before and if I'm not a good drinker I want to be with someone I trust…" she whined with a shy smile. "Let's have our first drink together in a week when I come back from my mission… okay?" she asked leaning over as he leaned back with a serious façade._

"_I'll be waiting then…" he replied._

"_Thank you!" she said as she jumped and hugged him around his neck making him gasp._

_How was he supposed to know if she was doing that on purpose? She was a smart girl, but he knew she was innocent and shy… she was only this trusting with him, because he was more than a friend a teammate… and… that's that._

_Kakashi sighed and closed his lone eye, but as he did so a strong gust of air hit him and when he opened it there was no one hugging him and the sweet and lovely landscape was gone…_

_The leftovers of a war was what greeted him, the awful sight made him shiver and as he turned around his eyes landed on Obito and Minato-sensei… both of them looking down at him with sad eyes. Kakashi stood from the ground and looked at them with trembling lips behind his mask._

_He was about to speak when Minato lowered his eyes and Obito extended his hand over…_

"_Let's go now…" he called._

_Kakashi regarded the offered hand with fear… Was he dead? His lone eye trembled and he swallowed thickly, but as he felt his hand twitch he gasped as a hand went through him… someone literally walked through him as if he was a ghost and then he found himself staring at Rin's back…_

"_Rin." He called and she stopped still holding Obito's hand._

_She looked over her shoulder as Minato suddenly placed his hand on her opposite shoulder; Kakashi looked at the blue eyes of his sensei and saw the way he seemed to be telling him to let her go…_

"_See you later, Kakashi…" she said with a small smile, but he couldn't see her eyes and it only irked him to no end._

"_No, Rin, wait!" he said and took a step forward, but they were out of reach._

"_We'll see you later, Kakashi!" Obito smiled as he held Rin's hand._

"_No…" _

_Kakashi felt his chest constricting and the air leaving his lungs he was choking and it almost felt as if this world was leaving him behind._

…

"No!" Kakashi jolted up in bed with loud intakes of air.

He looked around frantically and recognized his bedroom… he calmed and pressed a hand over his eyes.

The same dream again… not a dream… not completely; it was a memory that deformed into a nightmare. He had never got to take her out to drink on her birthday, because the very same day she was supposed to be back he had been notified of her missing body.

The war took many lives… Rin's was one of them.

Kakashi stared down at his lap feeling lost for a moment before his eyes landed on the portrait on the nightstand; but pictures always seemed to be perfect… Her smile had been so honest then…

You never kept pictures with bad moments; life was perfect when taking pictures; sure he liked waking every morning to smiling faces of people he missed, but life hadn't been that beautiful.

With unhurried movements, he stood from the bed pulling some pants that were scattered around the bedroom and a loose shirt; his lone eye always drifting off to the picture that held so many memories within.

Finally with a heavy sigh he pulled it down and walked out of the bedroom and on to his kitchenette to brew some coffee; he could still feel a soft pounding in his head from the amount of alcohol consumed the last night along with Genma. It was only natural, right? He turned 33 yesterday.

He looked for a mug, but realized every single one of them was dirty and in the sink along with lots of glasses, cups and some trash; to top it all he lacked coffee…

"Isn't this a lovely way to start up a new year?" he bitterly remarked looking for something to drink; sake… or whatever he had in store.

He was kind of bored of life at this point…

It had been the most unfulfilling three years of his life since Sasuke was brought back, since Konoha was attacked and they had got rid of Madara… The war had been horrible, but he was glad that most of his friends were alive; they were lucky to say they lived.

He found an old bottle of wine; he didn't like wine, but someone had given it to him for a present as it had a fancy, but dusty ribbon around it. He couldn't remember who it had been and he couldn't care less about it; he easily popped the cork and then sat on his couch…

Three boring years; he was tired of reading old novels since Jiraiya died he hadn't been able to find another author to fill his likes in romance; he was doomed no matter how he tried to see it.

Tsunade was training Naruto to become hokage and he'd be able to fill the title in a year from now; Sasuke was climbing spots to regain the trust and he was rebuilding his compound…

Sakura was training a small group of medics in Suna and so he was left alone; after his _traumatic_ experience in the war, Tsunade had taken upon her to keep him in a relaxed routine; barely giving him missions and when she did gave them they were truly easy; he could almost feel offended by her behavior, but he was too lazy to actually complain.

He sipped at the sweet liquor and gagged at the sweetening sensation left in his drying mouth… he wouldn't be able to drink something like that and then again he hadn't even had breakfast yet.

With a heavy sigh he leaned over in his couch and placed the bottle over some papers on the coffee table and then returned to his relaxed position; his eyes scanning his living room and grimacing at the disastrous place.

He had always been really clean and neat about his place, but in the last 3… years he had been avoiding the cleaning; when Sakura was here she'd always stop by and help him out, but since she left he found himself really lonely.

It was ironic he had grown accustomed to her company when he had never actually trained her properly; he owed her so much, but now that she was gone he highly depended on Genma's company. Of course she often sent letter asking him about how everyone was doing here and he'd lazily reply.

Without proper missions, without porn, without childish students he was left alone to the mercy of time and he'd arrange his day into visiting the cenotaph and then going out and have some drinks with whoever was available.

He enjoyed solitude; mostly because he had learned to love it after everyone died, but if he could avoid it he'd be glad to do so… he had been drinking with Genma, with Tsunade-sama, Shizune, Anko, and sometimes even Gai and Kurenai would take some time off from being a mother to accompany him even if only for a while.

Of course he was running out of money and that was Tsunade's fault since she was cutting his work hours; he needed to talk her into giving him the dangerous ones; maybe if he had a bit of luck he'd die in one of them… His students no longer needed him so he was ready to depart from this life.

He ran a hand through his hair and decided to take a walk, maybe visit the cenotaph and spent his day there reading an old novel; maybe later he'd run into someone who'd invite him over for a drink and then he'd return home and sleep his depression off.

He stepped out wearing his usual clothing minus the green vest; he enjoyed doing so these summer days; feeling the warm breeze and the sun keeping him reassured that he was still alive, but sometimes he only wished he was dead; comfortably numb like he used to spend his nights staring at the ceiling.

He made his way over to the cenotaph and stood there simply staring at the battered stone with countless names carved on it; he knew most of them and it pained him to be the only one left from a bloodied generation killed by the war…

His lone eye seemed to know where to look at every time he came here, the carved name calling for attention almost shining under the sun light and he'd stare at it with a blank mind not even remembering old times; simply staring at it with unreadable expression under his permanent mask.

A sigh would follow another and just like that he'd spend his afternoon staring at the stone; at those names he missed; people he had loved but he lost. When he finally came to his senses rain was pouring down on him and at least 3 hours had gone by…

It never ended this painful routine and he'd always pray to the skies he could change places with them; why did he live?

Maybe if he had died instead of Obito, the young Uchiha would have made his clan proud with his abilities…

He wished he could've taken Minato-sensei's place; he deserved a long life to see his son grow up and help him train.

Maybe Rin would've become a great doctor surpassing Tsunade-sama and then she'd fall in love and create her own family.

So many people he had lost… his mother, his father… he only wished he was with them; he was alone in this crowded village and soon to be useless; his laziness becoming almost touchable.

When you had too much free time you tended to think about useless things, your existence was a questionable matter and nothing seemed to be a good reason to keep on living, but he was an old man…

The rain trailed down his masked face soaking his clothes and washing away the impending sadness of an old man who had no dreams for the future.

It was sad; he only waited for the night so he could blast a few drinks and then sleep off the pain in a cold empty bed, because that was his sad choice for his future; he wasn't a selfish person; he knew was a shinobi and he could die anytime… No one deserved to cry over a beloved one that died.

That aside from the fact that he was unable to love; sure he had loved his mother that much he could remember; he loved his father and respected him, his memory… he learned to care for his teammates, but he knew he was still far from knowing or remembering what love was…

He then got to Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke and they become close to a family for him, but just like daughters and sons they left once they were independent; they had their own dreams for the future and he knew he'd always be in their minds and hearts, but just that… he wouldn't be with them forever and even less in a physical way.

They had their own lives with their own companions… It was a matter of time before Sasuke found himself a girlfriend and finally accomplished his dream of restoring his clan… Naruto would always run after Sakura and hopefully she'd realize soon enough she was actually in love with the loudmouth… He didn't have a person like that.

He was growing older by the minute and he could only wish this lonely but pacific coexistence with his own self would end soon. He knew he had been really lucky to have a chance to talk with his father when he was about to die and the man knew how lonely he was, but his father would never approve of him committing suicide just like he had done.

He lowered his eyes to the ground regarding his wet feet and the green grass covering the small clearing; he needed something to do and soon; he couldn't hold it any longer and the constricting sensation in his chest was maddening and frightening; no matter how much he had grown accustomed to be being alone it was always frightening to go home at nights to an empty and echoing silence…

With heavy feet Kakashi turned around and away from the old cenotaph; with leisurely steps he made his way to his place under the heavy rain that seemed to reflect the urge to cry he was feeling, but his eyes were dry; he had cried all his tears in the past.

His feet soon took him to his building; he was about to start the staircase when someone called him.

"Hatake Kakashi; Hokage-sama requests your presence at once." The ANBU called from a side regarding the older man behind his mask.

Kakashi merely nodded and thought for a while if he should go up and change before meeting with her, but Tsunade hated winter and she was always moody at this time of the year, so the best option was to simply get there in his current condition.

Willing his heavy stupor to fade he looked around before jumping in his usual rapid movements welcoming the stretching muscles as he ran and jumped from roof to roof.

He made it as quick as possible to the hokage tower and soon he was in her office with his heavy soaked clothes standing before her critical gaze and deep frowns.

"If you can't afford an umbrella then I am doing a bad job handing missions, Kakashi." She said in a rough tone regarding his wet form.

"I was walking home when it started raining." He explained with his usual amused tone, the one that make her want to rip his head off; so relaxed as nothing required his attention.

"Off to the point!" she snarled with a wave of her hand. "According to the information given by Daimyo at the Tea Country we cannot fully know what we are dealing with, but I truly dislike that man." She bit down on her thumb feeling angered by the sole thought.

Kakashi frowned not understanding, but he let continue.

"Takami is a vile leader even if the country is truly industrialized and well dispensed I wouldn't be surprised to know he has been being attacked by his own fellows. The Fishing Village and the Tea Fields highly depend on the Degarashi Harbor to export the goods." She explained.

"Takami-san says someone has been robbing his goods and only now he's been notified about a small group hiding at the Tea Fields, but since his country is an unarmed land it's difficult to take care of something that's clearly big." Shizune added. "Surprisingly enough they're not stealing money, but food…" she eyed the Hokage who simply sighed.

"I already said it… I wouldn't be surprised if he's being robbed by his own people." She waved her hand and then turned to Kakashi again. "You'll meet your aid at the Fishing Village and they'll take you to the Daimyo's state to follow orders from there on… Be sure to be fair Kakashi… I already said I don't like this man and if he deserves someone stealing then you better let them be or even help them!" she snarled and Shizune smiled sheepishly.

"You are to leave tomorrow morning, Kakashi-san…" she said and Kakashi returned the eye crease before he left the office in a cloud of smoke…

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**I hope you enjoyed and so i think i'll try to upload on Saturday or sooner... i'll let you know and i'll try to upload the art for this chapter later today... **

**If you enjoyed, please leave a small review telling me if i should keep it up or simply quit with Kakashi; he's a difficult character to write!**

**Lol SO INCREDIBLY FAST ANGELBABY! hahahaha thank you!**


	3. Memories

**Thanks for the reviews; Yeather, Rayray, Prescripto and Angelbaby i really hope you enjoy this chapter it's a bit slow i know, but that's why i am writing a flashback at the begining of each chapter... :) hope you enjoy!**

**There's an art for this one as well! check it out! ;)**

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**~ Memories ~**

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**~ Nothing as painful as to realize the memories are fading... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…?" he opened his eyes and regarded the girl that was standing next to him with a plain look on her face; she had a kunai in her hand and was staring at it with confusion. "Do you think we'll meet with Obito and Minato-sensei someday?" she asked while turning the kunai around in her hands._

_Kakashi stared down at her delicate hands; he stared at the old kunai his sensei had given him as a present when he became a jounin. With a light frown he took the kunai in his hand, but she tugged at it not letting go; he looked up at her brown eyes and saw her turmoil._

"_Sometimes I just need to feel reassured, Kakashi…" she mumbled and lowered her eyes again biting her lower lip and staring at his long fingers. "Sometimes I just wish you could see beyond this…" he frowned not comprehending her wording._

"_Rin…" he called softly trying to understand, but she only stared down at his hand._

"_I don't like to be alone. When Obito died I felt as if I had lost part of my life and I felt horrible. And now Minato-sensei; I wish it was me who died." She muttered softly making him widen his eye and he finally snatched the kunai from her hand._

"_Don't say such a thing, Rin." He growled out glaring at her brown sad eyes, he knew he was being hard on her._

"_I'm just not that strong, Kakashi; I still need you and I don't know what I'd do if you died too…" she said and he felt his chest constricting when her eyes filled with tears. _

"_You'd keep on living." He replied with a bitter tone; his eyes traveling to the cenotaph where his sensei's name had just been carved. They were alone staring at the big stone with lots of names from heroes of this village._

"_Easier said than done; sometimes I just feel like I am no longer the same; they took away part of me and I cannot be the same again." She said._

_Kakashi found himself staring at her face and narrowing his eyes because that was how he felt… it was as if part of him died with his sensei and his teammate and now that Rin said it like that he knew he couldn't lose her ever. What would become of him if she died?_

_He felt the air blowing and his eyes stinging from previous tears; her eyes were puffy and red and he knew it was just the beginning; when Obito died she'd cry every time they came here… and now it would be the same._

"_If I can wish for a bit of luck in this war I guess I'd wish I die before you do. God knows I won't survive if I had to see you die…" she smiled through her tears up at him and he swallowed hard._

_He wouldn't counter that comment because he was supposed to take care for her; he needed to reassure her, but it was hard to do it; he would've never thought his teammate would die and even less his sensei… how was he supposed to promise her he wouldn't die?_

_And would he be able to survive the pain of losing his last friend and companion?_

_Kakashi closed his eyes tightly in pain; no he wouldn't… he was brought back to the moment when a hand landed on his shoulder and when he looked up he was face to face with Asuma… it was raining now and the cold water soaked him to the bone._

"_Asuma…" he breathed out and watched as the man's face turned into a grave smile…_

"_I am sorry, Kakashi…" he said in a bitter tone and Kakashi frowned not understanding; he looked around, but Rin wasn't anywhere._

_He saw as people walked away from the cenotaph with grave faces and all of them dressed in black garments…_

"_She was a good girl…" _

_His words echoed in Kakashi's head and then it all fell into place; his lone eye widening and soon enough he found her name carved on the cenotaph; he fell to his knees feeling his mind going blank and the way he felt like throwing up. _

_Just seconds ago he had been talking with her and now she was… dead._

_His eyes stung again and he felt his tears mixing with the water falling from the gray skies; his hand twitched and he finally was able to touch the carved name, nothing but a name… nothing but memories within it and he was finally the last one…_

"_I wish it had been me, Rin…" he muttered crookedly to the stone gritting his teeth together and balling his fists while more sobs raked his body._

_Again it almost seemed as if this moment was being drained from his mind…_

…

Once again he bolted up in bed breathing raggedly and with wide eyes looking around only to be immersed in his darkened bedroom; his eyes immediately falling on the picture on his nightstand and her face illuminated by the regular lightning outside; the loud pounding of the rain against his window relaxed him if only a little bit.

He looked over at his clock and saw that he had still one hour before the time he had placed to get up… he sighed and cracked the bones on his neck; he pulled down his permanent mask and took deep intakes of much needed air before shifting his position so his back was against the wall; to his left the window and in front of him on the nightstand the picture.

This was routine after all… dreaming about old memories; most of them concerning her young days; when she lived here, when he'd run into her on the street and she'd do whatever in her power to be with him for a while.

How he hated himself for so many things he never did and said… how utterly stupid of him to take her life for granted thinking he'd be the first to die… how superbly moronic of him not to answer her last letter before she was declared dead…

As if on cue a lightning illuminated the room and her face glinted with that beautiful smile he missed so much.

He grunted softly and leaned over to open the cabinet of the nightstand; he pulled his favorite book from Icha-icha and returned to his position against the wall; he opened the book and the pages flew stopping in the middle where there was a poorly folded envelope.

He took the paper and opened it taking out the old and ragged letter… placing the book beside him on the bed he let his eyes grow accustomed to the dark and using the faint light coming from the streetlights he read…

_Kakashi;_

_I hope you're doing fine._

_I know you're probably busy just like we all are; it seems this is never going to end and I can just wish I can return home soon, but things here are a bit rough. You might say I am just slacking off because my only duty is to heal the wounded, but you should see how many wounded come here daily._

_I know it might be weird for you, but… just in case if anything happens I figured I should tell you how much you mean for me; I know you don't like to hear it, but I truly care for you. I'm abstaining from saying _the _word, but it is hard to do so._

_Remember I said I didn't know if I'd be able to survive if you died too?_

_Well I guess I was being selfish, but if that selfishness keeps you from dying I don't care; take care and don't do anything stupid; it's amazing how much Obito rubbed off on you since he died… _

_I hope to hear from you soon; try to write back with the same messenger… he'll be back before the week is over…_

_Be careful and please remember me._

_With love; Rin._

Another lightning and this time he couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine making him cold and sad; this rain reminded him of the day when they had carved her name on the cenotaph; nothing he could do about it.

How much he wanted to stop them from doing so… he would've done it if it wasn't for Genma that kept his hand on his shoulder preventing him from ruining the final ceremony for the dead in the war.

With lazy fingers and a focused look he placed the letter in the envelope and then took the book from the bed placing the envelope right at the middle; he returned the book to the cabinet and returned his eyes to the heavy downpour, letting his mind remember that day when it all seemed to fall apart…

…

"_I heard Rin will be back in two days… just for her birthday, right?" Asuma taunted along with Gai; they were sitting at a small bar post drinking and enjoying the little free time they had from this never-ending war._

"_Yes, she should be back the day after tomorrow." He mumbled regarding the clear liquid in his cup._

"_Should we throw a small party?" Gai thought aloud and both men sighed in defeat._

"_These are not times to party, Gai, but I guess Kakashi already has something prepared for her…" Asuma said with a smirk._

"_She wanted to go get a drink when she came back… that's as much as it is planned." He shrugged not really caring about the whole ordeal._

"_I thought you'd be more attentive after all she's done for you…" Gai said with an indignant look on his youthful face; Asuma turned to glare at him and Kakashi simply frowned not understanding._

"_Be quiet, Gai, that's none of our business." He reprimanded, but Kakashi's look said he wouldn't let it go._

"_All she's done for me? What are you talking about?" Kakashi sure knew Rin was good friend and she had been there for him whenever he needed it most, but somehow he knew Gai meant something else._

_Asuma grunted and downed a cup of sake fearing the worst… but Gai was simply staring at his rival as if telling him he should pay more attention to what happened around him._

"_You never even wondered why Rin was going alone in this mission when she still had you as a teammate." Gai stated with narrowed eyes and Kakashi frowned deeper; he had thought about it, but he couldn't decipher a thing about it._

"_She's a medic; she was traveling with other doctors…" he said only repeating her own words._

_Asuma and Gai turned to look at him with incredulity in their eyes; could it be their friend ignored the true facts?_

"_Kakashi…" Asuma called making him look up from his untouched liquor. "Rin requested an improvised team for this mission; she said you had been wounded on your last mission and she didn't deem you ready to travel; since she's a doctor the Hokage never questioned her words." Kakashi felt his stomach stirring and his lone black eyes widened in realization._

"_She was not traveling with other doctors… she'd be delivered to the northern border to tend the wounded against the Waterfall. She was the only doctor sent there mostly because there weren't many casualties. No one's attacking through the north…" Gai said trying to alleviate Kakashi's turmoil._

_Rin was facing danger only to keep him safely locked in the village and he hadn't even answered her letter back thinking she'd be back in two days, but now a horrible feeling settled in his gut and the urge to see her was almost unbearable… Asuma and Gai wouldn't understand because they hadn't lost everyone dear to them, but for him… he and Rin… they were the last…_

"_I need to go…" Asuma and Gai regarded their friend as he stood and left the bar…_

_Kakashi didn't sleep for the next two days only praying she'd be alive… she'd come home soon and they'd have a drink for her birthday, but no… two days later the only thing that arrived to the village was a letter… one poorly written letter stating the names of all the casualties…_

_Her name had been there as if she was just another from the bunch… The third Hokage only said the names and then ordered them to be carved on the cenotaph; but Kakashi just stood there in his office wanting to yell; to let it all out! He was finally completely and utterly alone…_

…

By the time his alarm blared loudly he was still staring out the window; the sun barely peeking through the graying sky and the littlest bit of light told him it was already morning…

…

Tsunade decided to be there when he departed; Shizune was nowhere to be seen and she preferred it that way; Shizune would berate her later for breaking confidentiality about Sakura's worries, but she needed to do this, mostly because she had been the one to cut Kakashi's missions because of his state after Pain's attack.

"I know this mission is not what you wanted, but don't take it lightly, Kakashi." She said with her arms crossed under her breasts.

"I won't, but…" he eyed her curiously. "May I know why you are here?" he asked with an impassive tone and before she could berate him she calmed herself down and sighed.

"I was deeply worried about your health and so was Sakura and Naruto… even Sasuke if he'd speak to me more often he'd be asking me about you." She waved her hand around. "I don't understand you, but I know what you are doing, because I do so myself." She snarled and he refrained from speaking until she was done. "Maybe you should stay there… take your time with this mission and clear your mind, Kakashi; you're one of the best shinobi we have, but it doesn't mean you're immortal." She said.

Kakashi stared at her brown eyes feeling as if she was lecturing him; and she was, if someone knew about loneliness and losing important people it was the Hokage.

"The older we get the easier we notice the silence, the space… You either do something about it or shut it down to keep on living… Think about this and decide what you'll do." She gave him a small smile.

"I will, Hokage-sama." He gave her an eye crease and she repressed the urge to roll her eyes.

"You are dismissed, then." She waved her hand and turned to leave for the tower, now with a pleased smile knowing Sakura would like to hear about her sensei leaving for a small vacation. That mission was a piece of cake.

…

The first part of the long trip went fast as he jumped from branch to branch and ran through the clearings in the forests surrounding the village it wasn't until late night when the rain finally stopped and he decided to camp before continuing; he'd be there tomorrow by noon, so it was okay to rest before leading the way there.

Kakashi sat around the fire welcoming the heat drying his cold body; he had changed clothes, but the cold still remained. He decided to read through the information written in the scroll.

It seemed the Daimyo at the Degarashi Harbor was having trouble with some group of thugs stealing his merchandise; mostly fish; which was something stupid to complain about since the port was really well dispensed. If someone really wanted to harm the economic power would go for something that lacked… not countless shoals of fish.

He sighed with a defeated expression… This was a silly C ranked mission; it couldn't be anything difficult to accomplish to take care of those thugs.

…

While she wrote a letter to let Sakura know about her sensei and his latest mission she thought about the man; he wasn't old, but he wasn't getting any younger. His quick tongue and snide comments often amused her, but lately he'd been really quiet when they drank together he'd let her do the talking.

When his final companion died Kakashi was given two options; either he became the walking dead she had seen yesterday under the rain or either he became the sarcastic, lazy bum with quick tongue.

He was both of them, but most part of the time he was the latter; it was better, she remembered Kakashi had been a serious boy with a strong will before his teammates died. But they took part of his personality with them until he was left empty…

She really wanted to see the old Kakashi, the vulnerable one; the one who wouldn't be able to hide what he felt even if the only thing you could see from his face was his lone black eye. But if she had to choose from the ones he became she'd stay with the sarcastic one…

It was sad to see him so battered like he had been yesterday.

Kakashi was an innocent man; he was emotionally numb and probably had never had someone to love; sure he knew about love because he appreciated the feeling in the novels he read, but he probably couldn't grasp the idea of him loving someone else… it was something weird even more when many women fawned over him.

Kakashi was a gentleman and he pleased the women whenever they talked to him, but he never actually let things escalate from an entertaining chat with them. She often wondered about that, but she had concluded he couldn't love. He couldn't let himself to do something as dangerous as love something death can touch. He was scared of loving and maybe he wasn't as selfish as to let someone else love him when he could easily die.

Many shinobi often faced these kinds of problems when it came to their personal lives, while it was more common in men; many women followed the steps into solitude. She was a clear example and she could totally relate to Kakashi's feelings towards life and love...

She hoped he learned from her own mistakes.

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**See ya on tuesday hopefully sooner i don't know tuesday is the limit for the next chapter! :) let me know what you think so far.**


	4. Serenity

**I'm in a hurry right now! lol hope you enjoy this chapter! :D**

**Hopefully i'll upload on thursday! see ya then, weasels! :)**

**Thanks for the reviews so far.**

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**~ Serenity ~**

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**~ And now that I had forgotten, something triggered you back in my head... ~**

…

"_Kakashi!" he turned around and saw her running over to where he was standing in the middle of the main street in Konoha; she was grinning madly and he could only stare in awe; it was hard to see anyone smiling these days and whenever she smiled so honestly he felt the day lightened. _

_She reached him and bent over placing her hands on her knees; he watched as she regained her breath and then felt something twisting inside when she looked up from her bending position; her eyes big and affectionate; she straightened and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear._

_He suppressed the sudden urge to do the same action with her other side, but it was really something he found appealing; her hair seemed so soft…_

"_Minato-sensei wants us to go over at his place… Do you have time?" she asked with a small smile._

"_Ah… Now?" he asked with confusion; he thought the fourth was too busy these days to hang out with them._

"_Yeah… I went there to deliver a scroll and Jiraiya-sama was there too; Kushina-san said she'd make something for lunch and she wants you to come too…" she explained and Kakashi nodded._

_A few minutes later he was sitting at the table with his sensei, his teammate, Jiraiya-san and Kushina-san…_

"_I am so glad you came…" Kushina smiled down at Kakashi and pinched his cheek; she always did that whenever she saw him even if he was fourteen already she always treated him like a kid, but she was pretty immature herself and he confirmed it as she leant over to whisper in his ear. "Does it bother you? I am having a hard time with this…" she pointed to her protruding belly and Kakashi blushed. "I don't know if I'll be a good mother. What do you think?" she asked again pressing the matter onto him and he only smiled up at her._

"_I think you'll be okay, Kushina-san…" he mumbled and next to him Rin laughed lightly._

"_Ah, you're really cute if you want to, Kakashi-kun…" she said ruffling his hair with affection._

"_Kushina… Kakashi is fourteen you shouldn't treat him like a kid, besides he's already a jounin…" Minato said with a small but warm smile._

"_Hmm… Oh, well; he's just really cute don't you think so too, Rin-chan?" she asked turning to look over at the young girl._

_Kakashi sighed in defeat and he knew Rin was blushing madly and fidgeting in her seat totally abashed by Kushina's bluntness._

"_Let them be, Kushina; I am sure Kakashi already knows Rin-chan will become a beautiful woman, after all she's a beautiful girl..." Jiraiya taunted with a wink making him blush slightly under the mask._

"_What are you going to name the baby, sensei?" Kakashi asked with little interest just hoping he could divert the attention back to the pregnant woman._

_The adults snorted in amusement as they regarded the youngsters, but didn't say anything about it._

"_Naruto…" Kushina said making emphasis on each syllable. "Like the main character in Jiraiya-san's novel…" she smiled and Jiraiya grinned wide at her words._

"_I hope you two get along with him in the future…" Minato said with a small smile and Kushina nodded eagerly._

"_Naruto…" Kakashi muttered with a loud sigh; he was sitting there when he felt Rin taking his hand and squeezing it tight._

_He turned to see her and he regarded in concern as she stood with tears falling down her cheeks and her other hand covering her mouth in pure fear; her brown eyes full of despair and only then he realized they weren't any longer in Minato's house but in a hospital room._

"_Where…?" his voice died as he looked around and the spotted his sensei's body next to his wife's; their hands barely touching and a deep wound on each body; he felt his throat closing. "Minato-sensei…" he muttered softly._

"_Kakashi… what are we going to do?" she hoarsely asked feeling utterly lost; after all just like him she lacked family… they had all died when she was barely nine…_

"_Rin…" His voice did barely above a whisper for he too was scared; not knowing what to do next. _

_He felt as she let his hand go and smiled bitterly over her shoulder before walking out the room and when he finally found enough strength to move he ran to the door and yanked it open only to find himself staring at the cenotaph._

"_Rin…no…" his voice died again feeling as he was pulled out of his cruel mind and nightmares._

…

"No!" he bolted up with a wide, lone black eye and realized he was sitting against a tree; the fire was about to die and his ragged breathing was the only thing he could hear.

He felt a strong shiver running down his spine and felt his hands trembling and sweating.

"It was just a nightmare…" he said and sighed heavily while he mentally berated himself for falling asleep. He pulled a bottle from his pack and sipped some water to calm his nerves down.

He noticed he was tired and not now; he had been tired for the whole last week, having those nightmares and sometimes dreams that somehow changed into old painful memories he felt drained.

It was still hard to believe he had neglected his duty and he had fallen asleep; highly unlike him, but then again possible given his current state, the past months of doing nothing else than drinking out and slacking off his training and mourning as he missed Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke, but knowing he couldn't slow them down.

A bitter smile graced his lips… somehow he'd be the one slowing them down now…

He wasn't that old, but he enjoyed the feeling of freedom he got when he said he was, he didn't have to be responsible if he was old, he didn't have to do as much as he used to…

With heavy legs he stood from the floor and prepared for traveling; he'd have to do this mission as quick as possible just to go back to being lazy and then again he had yet to think about what Tsunade-sama had said about his current state of loneliness.

…

It was barely 2 in the afternoon when he got to the border to the Fishing Village there; the place was crowded and the sun giving them a warm feeling; the small town was packed with fishermen and women walking around with baskets filled with fish.

"Konoha!" he stopped and saw the young man running to him he had short spiky black hair, tanned skin and blue eyes his baggy pants swaying slightly with the salty air and wearing only a thin vest and sandals. "Hello, there!" he saluted with a smile that Kakashi returned with a funny saluting and a "Yo!"

He shook hands with the friendly man.

"It's good to see you made it here fast!" he quipped and Kakashi gave him an eye crease. "Takami-san will be happy! He's the landlord back at Degarashi…" he explained upon his confused look. "But first you should eat something…" he said and started to walk away hoping he'd follow.

A few minutes later he sat along with the man in a restaurant eating fried fish with potatoes and salad… it felt good to eat something else than ramen.

"I am Rai; I live back at the port I am a fisherman too… well most men here are either fishermen or farmers. I mean of course that's it; you either work with fish or tea… that's what this country is known for anyway…" he shrugged; Kakashi nodded with a small smile behind the mask. "I hope you're not too tired anyway; we are traveling tonight…" Kakashi seemed confused and then he rushed to explain. "At this time of the year the rain's really bothersome to travel, this place is usually hot most part of the year, but Degarashi is really cold." He said.

"How interesting…" Kakashi mused.

"Yeah, well if we were to travel at day we'd lose too much time resting and probably would get lost at the Tea Fields; it is best if we travel at night." He finished munching on his last piece of fish. "Is not that there's not sun at Degarashi, but it is rather cold, you'll see that even when the sun shines it's really cold." He stood from the table and placed the right amount of money on the table a gesture that actually reached deep inside Kakashi's stinginess.

Kakashi sighed loudly and stood with a true smile behind the mask; he followed the man out the restaurant to begin their journey.

They met with some other men that were to travel back to Degarashi; they were carrying big baskets and bags filled with fish in carriages and horses… the convoy was to arrive tomorrow noon to the port.

Kakashi regarded the amount of fish and people traveling; if the thugs knew about this party they'd probably try to get their hands on it and then it'd be easier to get done with this mission.

He walked behind the large convoy keeping an eye on his surroundings and he smiled over at Rai when he walked over to him with a small friendly smile; he wasn't stupid he didn't trust the man, not even if he was his aid… Tsunade-sama could be right about the same villagers stealing the food and so far everyone around him was a suspect.

"Rai-san…" he saluted when the man came to stand beside him.

"Hatake-san, what exactly was what the scroll said about this whole thing?" he asked in a relaxed tone and position looking at Kakashi out of the corner of his eyes.

"Ah… not much…" he mused boringly, but keeping his senses on alert. "Actually the form was really vague and plain; maybe you could be the one helping me to get some information…" he pressed and the man simply nodded with a serious face.

"While you're in this village doing your job, Hatake-san, please think about this; he sure is going to pay you for this and you need to money to survive, but… Would you still do your job knowing that the ones who are stealing the food have no other choice?" he asked and Kakashi thought about his words for a minute before answering.

"I still need to know why he is being robbed…" he replied and the man nodded with a kind smile. "No matter what the reason is laws are laws and stealing is a crime." He mused only to see if he could get a reaction from him.

"Well… yeah, but Takami-san is not what I'd call a fair man… he's more likely to overlook the main problem…" He said with a bit of venom in his voice. "We've lost many people at the harbor; storms get worst and he doesn't care about it; there's a schedule to follow and we cannot skip it…" he explained.

"I don't get it; why is he the landlord if you're all having a hard time?" Kakashi asked not understanding. "Sure Tea Country's laws are not that different from the Fire Country's ones." He half stated and half asked.

"We don't have a council." He replied; Kakashi nodded in understanding. "He never gives off more money than the necessary. With the war three years ago we served as a shortcut or hiding place for some armies and we lost many people to that. Some were severely wounded and left displaced and handicapped, many orphan children and sickened women and men."

"What happened to this people?" he asked with a deep frown.

"Most of them died the same year the war was over. I've been trying to help them because there are at least 16 orphans and some elders that need help. We built a place for them to live at the outskirts of the Harbor; we'll pass by on our way there." He gave a soft smile. "I'm not asking you to come and meet them, don't worry. My sister and I are part of the people that takes care of them." He said.

"At the outskirts… it makes sense Takami-san is worried since the thugs are hiding in the tea fields… he probably thinks they're part of the problem." Kakashi mused about the prospect.

"I can assure you we have nothing to do with the robbers."

Kakashi let those words sink in and the bitter tone behind them; Tsunade might be right after all and for all he knew this guy could be part of the thugs…

They stopped only two times on their road and Kakashi refused to sleep on each occasion; while Rai tried to persuade him, he kept saying it was his duty to stay alert and so Rai desisted.

Finally they started to feel the weather changing and soon enough they had to wear their coats so they wouldn't get a cold before reaching the destination.

Rai kept talking about Degarashi port and how the place looked like; he seemed to be really proud of the place, but each time he got too happy he seemed to remember why Kakashi was here and then he'd feel really depressed.

They had a school, a market, the harbor, a field only dedicated to the plantation of chamomile tea, the landlord's place a small clinic too, bars, restaurants, hotels and much more industry.

The tea country was small but sure was industrialized and very well dispensed according to what the man shared; so it was hard to actually relate to those feeling of despair running through the youngest one.

Along the way he pointed over to a hill where Kakashi spotted a small manor; according to what Rai said that was the place where all the orphans and elders lived at the moment. He could see some children playing next to the house and someone hanging clothes on the strings. If what he said was true; his sister lived there and he probably did as well; he was brought back to the moment when a soft breeze blew against their faces…

Kakashi smiled behind his mask when they reached the highest point in the large field and as he stared down he could see the path that lead to the port; he could see the packed market and almost the noise coming from all the people there.

The sun was about to set when they stepped in the village and they were welcomed by the happy faces of everyone there; they were really nice, most of them; some kids would stare in amazement at the jounin and Kakashi found himself thrown back in time when Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto had been actually amazed by his looks.

"They look a bit scared though…" Kakashi thought aloud as a girl passed him with worried eyes.

"They don't like shinobi…" a small cryptic smile graced his lips, but before Kakashi could ask about the funny thing he continued. "Many people died with the last war and you being here won't change their personal situation. It is only right to fear shinobi when wars are fought with them…" He said and Kakashi frowned finally having the need to understand.

"Their situation…?" he asked.

"If they lose their parents they know they'll end up in the hill with the remaining children… Forgotten by society until they can make themselves useful…" he smiled bitterly at the silver haired man.

"Hmm… That's harsh." Kakashi was having a hard time keeping his loyalty on this Takami-san guy.

"Anyway we are here…" Rai announced as they walked into the Daimyo's place; it was a huge building. A man approached them and Kakashi watched as Rai shook his hand avoiding the man's gaze. "This is the Daimyo's guard. He'll guide you from now on, Hatake-san…" he smiled and bid Kakashi a faint farewell before leaving the state.

Kakashi regarded the young man until he was gone…

"Konoha…" he acknowledged with a haughty expression. "Glad to see you made it here so fast." the man added; Kakashi kept his bored face in place while he regarded the guard. "Follow me; Takami-san will see you now."

Kakashi followed the man inside the building looking around the place; it was very much like the Hokage's tower, smaller, but seemingly working alike.

"Please wait here; I'll call you in when ready." The guy opened a door and walked in leaving him alone in a small waiting room with a girl behind a desk.

She looked up from her current work and he saw her big black eyes with matching black long hair that fell down her back, but what surprised him most was the marking on her face; since she was tanned the light shade of green contrasted nicely against her natural color and the shape was that of lilies.

Somehow he was thrown back in time… she reminded him a lot of Rin, even if her hair was black, her skin tanned and her eyes dark…

It was the markings that triggered his thoughts…

Rin…

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**Leave a review if you enjoyed! :D**


	5. Utilization

**Thanks for your reviews they make my day brighter, lol, i mean it...**

**Thanks to Angelbaby, Yeather, Kittylord and Kid-kakashi and Rayray as usual please keep on reading and i hope you enjoy this chapter...**

**I've been busy and that's the main reason why i haven't uploaded the fan art, sorry...**

**If you enjoy please leave a small review!**

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**~ Utilization ~**

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**~ I was never fond of many things, but I was truly mesmerized by you... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…?" she asked with a deep blush as he stared at her face with a light frown trying to figure out what was different about her today besides the fact she was wearing her short hair in a high and short ponytail._

"_What did you do?" he asked and watched as she bit her lower lip totally angered at his words, but unable to say anything to make him feel bad; she wasn't the kind to do that anyway._

"_I'm wearing a ponytail…" she said turning her head to a side and looking down not wanting to meet his penetrating gaze._

"_I know, Rin… but why?" he asked repressing the small smile that wanted to tug at his lips…_

"_I just wanted to try something different…" she said tucking a lost strand of hair behind her ear not knowing he followed the movement with interest._

_The smile couldn't be suppressed any longer and so he did smile down at her now that she was averting her brown gaze to the floor; his eyes only then, noticed the markings of her lost clan were gone and he gaped._

"_Rin…" he breathed out not understanding; she looked up at him and stared at his surprised gaze with worry._

"_Do I really look that bad?" she asked placing her hands on her head trying to smooth any hairs that could be out of place. "I thought I'd look better…" she said and Kakashi shook his head not liking where this conversation was going._

_It wouldn't be the first time she did something out of the normal to see if he'd like it or not; but he was careful about it. Rin was Obito's… he only wanted to protect her, but now that she was 16 it seemed as if she only wanted to please his eye._

"_What happened to your markings?" he asked waving a hand dismissing her previous thoughts and watching as her brown eyes looked up at him making him clear his throat._

"_I… Well… I put some makeup to hide them…" she said briefly touching the place where the markings should've been._

"_Why would you do that?" he asked with a light frown and she felt small under his hard gaze, but he didn't particularly like the idea of her hiding her markings._

"_I already said I wanted to try something new…" she crossed her arms over her undeveloped chest and turned her shy gaze into a hard glare. "Markings are nothing more than stains on skin… I don't have a clan; so what's the point on having them?" her bitter tone touched his heart and his glare dissolved into a tender gaze that was unusual for him at that age._

"_Rin…" in a bold movement he'd regret later he leaned over and pressed his thumbs on each side of her face feeling the way she flinched and widened her eyes at his actions. He knew he was stepping over his own boundaries and so rubbed the makeup from her cheeks in a rough way making her gasp and close her eyes in pain; mostly because he didn't want it to be awkward. "You are who you are… Those markings are not different from your eyes or arms…" he said rubbing harder making her grunt in pain and tugging at his wrists._

"_Stop, Kakashi! It hurts!" she said making funny faces while he tried to clean the rest of the makeup off her face, but soon he couldn't help but laugh at her squeezed cheeks and her angered brown eyes._

_He sniggered and then laughed a bit making her frown in confusion and then she stared openly at him not believing he was laughing so honestly._

"_What is it?" he asked when he was finally recovered from the small fit of laughter; she was staring at him with her big brown eyes and her markings barely showing through the heavy makeup, but her cheeks were red from the rubbing; her hair was out of place from her struggling and she seemed… adorable… not that he'd say it._

"_Nothing…" she breathed out and both of them stared at each other; she was still holding his wrists and he was still rubbing his thumbs on her red cheeks only this time was softer and he knew he should let go._

_Well, she should let go first of his wrists, but even then as he could do nothing more than stare down at her he realized how much he wanted to answer her feelings with his own… maybe Obito wouldn't mind, but he couldn't._

_Rin loosened her grip on his hands and he let out a heavy sigh as his arms returned to his sides and she cleaned the last bit of makeup before tugging at the band tying her hair; she turned around and left him there without a word._

…

That had been the first time he had thought about his real feelings and not about the way he thought Rin was Obito's. It had been the first time she had seemed disappointed of him when she left and it had been the first time he had felt like an asshole for not giving her what she wanted… something he wanted as well.

Kakashi's reverie was ended when the guy from earlier came out of the office and prompted him to go inside with him; his landlord was finally ready to meet with him…

Powerful…

Yeah, that word might be the best to describe the feeling Kakashi got from the so called Daimyo from Degarashi Harbor; he was a big and broad man, his hair was graying and his wrinkled face was contorted in a scowl. He was scribbling down on countless forms when he entered his office and once the man stood from his chair Kakashi realized how tall he was.

It didn't matter how big a man was sometimes it was only a façade; like people who called him a lazy bum. He was one, but he sure wasn't as weak or lazy as he seemed.

"The Hokage said she'd sent the best for this kind of trouble." His voice was hoarse and deep, but clearly unpleased. "I do not like shinobi and I do not like the Hokage." He said as if Kakashi was interested or even bothered by his words.

When he looked up from his papers and saw nothing but an emotionless masked face he felt anger building up inside; Kakashi immediately recognized it. What was it with high rankers feeling offended by his indifference?

Kakashi merely handed him a scroll Tsunade gave him before departing.

"Hatake Kakashi." He said as he read through the information. "Are you some kind of rebel or something like that; it says here you're 33 and you probably went through the other two wars before the last one, I need to know where your loyalty lies." He said in a harsh tone.

"Hmm… I'll decide when the moment's right…" he indifferently replied watching as the guard widened his eyes at his blunt answer; the old Daimyo was merely glaring at him.

"I really hate that woman." Kakashi heard him mutter in annoyance. "You were already informed about the thugs and everything I know about this problem; what is the best course of action?" he asked with a deep glare.

"Ah, yeah… I read something about it…" The man tightened his fists over the desk and kept his glare on the silver haired man. "Why do you think you're being robbed?" he asked with indifference; he wanted to know if the man was aware of his own mistakes.

"It doesn't matter, stealing is a crime and I won't tolerate thugs in my Harbor; in my country!" he snapped angrily, but Kakashi simply sighed.

"Takami-san… as a shinobi from Konoha you should already know I need to investigate a bit further to take the first course of action." The man grunted. "Why do you think someone's stealing in your harbor…?" he asked again giving him a penetrating but bored gaze.

Kakashi stared down at the tough man; he kept silent and it maybe was an indicator that he knew were the main problem laid.

"I've traveled through this country passing by the Fishing Village and the tea fields… It seems to me that even if most of your merchandise comes from said Village they could be stealing there and not here in the Harbor." Kakashi said in a cryptic tone making the man grunt again.

"I don't pay for the goods until they arrive here. I can also think that the Fishing Village is the one tricking me, but I already investigated there and I have a witness anyway…" he added with a smirk, but Kakashi wasn't that thrilled about a witness. "If you want a bigger reason to why the harbor is the one being assaulted then you must understand that the economic incomes of this country comes through the harbor; we export, Hatake-san…" he said and Kakashi nodded in agreement.

"Yes, that's a good reason; then again if someone really did want to affect the economic power they'd go for something else and not something you can replenish from the same port… You fish here too, right?" Kakashi asked and the man grunted again.

"Yes! So what? Should I let them continue this nonsense?" he was truly angered by now.

"Of course not… But maybe you could give them a reason to stop." The man narrowed his eyes. "Maybe you gave them a reason to start…"

"Insolent!" the guard yelled.

"Shut it…" the man walked over to Kakashi and stood before him with his height casting a shadow over the younger man. "My assistant will guide you from now on; should you notify me of something it will be through her… I trust her with this task and she knows as much as I do about the problem." He stated with a deep dangerous tone Kakashi simply ignored.

"Okay…" was his amused reply with an eye crease; the man gritted his teeth together before turning to his desk again.

"Have Kaoru to guide him."

The guard nodded and ran out the office with Kakashi following close behind. Outside the office the girl from before stood with a few files in her arms; she was smiling up at him.

"This is Kaoru; she'll be the one guiding you and helping you out while you stay here; I hope you can figure out something soon; if anything should happen she'll be the one bringing us news." He said and the girl bowed hiding her face with her thick fringe. "Now please lead him over to the Harbor." He said in a rough voice and the girl straightened her back clearly scared of the man.

"Immediately!" she said and then the guard entered the office again.

Kakashi found himself walking behind the girl while they made their way over to the port; the chilling air blowing mercilessly and even in her simple kimono she seemed comfortable.

She stopped over a higher place where you could see the port over behind a fence; he regarded the small ships ready to depart.

"They'll depart in a week on Monday at 7 am to the Nagi Island, O'uzu Island, Water Country and the Wave Country." She explained not even meeting his eyes. "Fish to the Islands and tea to the countries." She added and then turned to him with a questioning gaze.

Kakashi merely nodded with a small eye crease and watched as she returned a small smile.

"Do you know anything else about the assaults?" he asked hopefully and watched as she nodded eagerly.

"The robberies have only happened on fishing ships; never on Mondays when they depart, only after the fishing day; mostly on Tuesdays' nights." She said and he nodded.

"So the understanding says that if there'll be an assault it'll happen tomorrow night, right…?" he half asked and watched her nod.

"We never fail to reunite the asked amount because they never steal as much and we have enough time 'til next Monday to reunite the exact amount." She smiled

Something about her tone and words picked his interest; it almost sounded as if she deemed this unnecessary and then he'll have to ask her about it.

"You sure know a lot, Kaoru-san…" he praised and watched her grin wider and blush a little; she clearly enjoyed being praised and it probably was because no one actually acknowledged her job. "Would you join me for a cup of tea so we can discuss further?" he asked lightly and again was somehow touched by her eagerness.

The afternoon was barely dying when they stepped inside a tea house and waited to be served their drinks.

"Kaoru-san… I heard from my aide at the Fishing Village that there might be some troubles with a small group at the tea fields…" he said and watched as she sighed in defeat.

"I somehow wished that aide was not Rai-kun, but I can bet it was him." He gave a confused look. "The witness at the harbor told us about the thugs group; while he only saw one person he said he couldn't identify the face behind the mask… Rai-kun followed the thief and the only thing he could say about they was that they were hiding at the tea fields." She explained.

"He forgot to say that, I guess… What about the manor at the outskirts?" he asked.

He watched her sigh and a small bitter smile graced her lips, but just then the waitress brought their drinks; he let her sip at her tea while he simply kept the small cup between his hand.

"They are fine… somehow…" she said with a deep frown as if she too couldn't understand how it was possible. "I've been there before to do some research; they survive on what they grow and the village's doctor just transferred permanently there." She sighed again. "There was nothing out of the normal and then we don't go there anymore; the kids tend to get scared when someone from the state goes…" she said.

"I see… So these people are completely forgotten by his leader." Kakashi mused in a lowered voice.

"They used to send a letter asking for food or something to replenish their supplies, but they stopped not long ago..." she shrugged. "Takami-san thought they were involved in this trouble with the thugs because since the assaults begun they stopped sending the letters…" she swallowed hard.

Kakashi sighed.

"That's why I was sent to investigate a few months ago, but I didn't found anything like that." She clarified… "We've placed many kids with families here and the other villages, but that's not easy…" she added.

"Who are involved with their procedures?" he asked.

"Not as many as they need; a cook and many of the young adults take care of the kids there… The doctor from the clinic is nice enough to treat them without charging them…" she sighed. "Takami-san thinks they are the ones robbing his ships, but…" she snorted shaking her head. "I've been there, Hatake-san… Old people, young men lacking legs or arms… women with painful diseases, little children… Can you picture them robbing the ships?" she asked.

"Not really." He said leaning over thinking about the information he had just been given. "I think there might be a shinobi involved with the thievery." He thought and then sighed. "Thank you, Kaoru-san. That was really helpful." He gave an eye crease and she smiled back as they both stood to leave the tea house.

"This is the address to your inn; I already checked a room for you, Hatake-san." She smiled and he took the small folded paper with a bit of surprise he thought he'd have to camp out. "Please feel free to call if you need anything!"

"I will, thank you…" she bowed and walked away in fast strides.

He followed the address there enjoying the salty air and the faint cold; it was all pleasant and the village at night was really quiet a peaceful, maybe he'd be able to sleep a bit, the thugs would probably attack tomorrow night just like predicted.

He wasn't particularly worried or scared; he only hoped he could talk to the small group so they could maybe state a deal with the Daimyo; Tsunade-sama wouldn't be pleased if he decided to follow blindly the man's orders about taking them down, literally.

He soon found the inn Kaoru had checked him in and was pleased by the simplicity of the building of course he was only a regular client so the room he was in was small, but perfect for him.

He sat on the spread mattress and flexed his tensed muscles; off his vest, headband and sandals; he relaxed for a while looking out the small window that led to a nice garden with countless of trees and flowers.

With leisure fingers he fished for his novel in his bag and pulled it out; he hadn't really checked on what book he was bringing, but it didn't matter he had read them all, so it was pointless to select one when all of them were equally good.

But he realized he was not in the mood to read; he had just read the first line 5 times and he couldn't remember what it was about.

Maybe he was already used to go home late at night and totally blasted, but now that he actually had something to do it was hard to go to sleep.

He pinched the bridged of his masked nose and sighed loudly; maybe he should leave Konoha, get himself a life and start anew. Maybe he could simply forget about everything and submerge his last bit of life into dangerous mission hoping he'd die at some point.

Tsunade-sama sure had the answer shown easily; she was old enough and she was the hokage, her responsibility and life were the roll as a hokage and nothing else. Sure she had a lonely coexistence whenever she left the office, but she scarcely did and only to have a few drinks.

He could try and take another team, but he wasn't so sure about it; he knew he hadn't done a perfect job with team seven and sometimes he was scared he'd ruin another generation.

He wanted an answer.

He wanted to know what he was supposed to do from now on…

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**Rin will appear soon... i think the next chapter will be her debut! lol i hope you enjoyed and if you did, please leave a small review :)**


	6. Thugs

**I never said, but i guess you're smart enough to notice the flashbacks are not in cronological order, lol I am sorry i should've said so anyway...**

**Thanks for the reviews i appreciate them and hopefully this chapter will clear things up... i hope you enjoy and if you do, please leave a review i know i need them lol**

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**5**

**~ Thugs ~**

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**~ I was the one to make you cry and I am the only one who can stop it... ~**

…

"_Kakashi!" he heard her first and then did an effort to support his body on the bed so he could actually see her; he never liked to seem weak in front of her._

_He had just turned 17 a day ago; Rin had been left alone for this particular mission because she was training with the rest of the medics and he had just arrived with a broken arm and a deep wound in his midriff. _

_He then spotted her much longer brown hair as it bounced at each side of her face; her big brown eyes filled with worry and her face paler than usual; she was in front of him in a second the medic smiled at her appearance and then stood from his chair._

"_He'll be okay if he rests enough…" he smiled down at her pale face as she nodded and then left them._

_She looked around not focusing on his mismatched eyes and blushed as the rest of the wounded looked at her with knowing smiles; she closed the curtain around his bed and then relaxed her shoulders, but kept her back to him._

"_Rin?" he dared to ask… the older they got the heavier the environment around them grew… it was painfully obvious how much she cared about him and it was even more painful the way he obviously rejected her affections._

_She straightened her back and turned to him; he couldn't explain the way he felt when her brown eyes went to his left eye and the way her eyes seemed to water…_

"_I'm glad you're fine…" she whispered, but he was too busy trying to figure out why it hurt him so much she was staring at the sharingan and not at his right eye. It burned him and he wanted nothing else than to berate her for that… somehow he felt betrayed. "Gai-kun told me about your mission. I never really liked ANBU…" She whispered softly._

"_It was supposed to be confidential…" he growled out not actually bothered by Gai but annoyed by the growing feeling inside him. Her eyes were glued to his sharingan and he wanted to rip it out._

"_He saw you when you were brought… He was only worried, Kakashi…" she took a few steps towards him and he fixed her with a hard glare; she stopped as he snapped closed his sharingan._

_He watched as she blanched even more and her eyes widened upon realization; finally those brown orbs turned to look at his right eye and he saw her frozen stance._

"_Is this better now?" he asked with a harsh tone; she frowned when she realized her mistake, but how could he blame her?_

"_Kakashi… I…" she stammered while he kept his left eye closed. "I didn't mean to…" she breathed out and took a step back feeling horrible about this painful confrontation._

"_Didn't mean what, Rin?" his tone was indifferent just like his eye. "You don't even know what you want…" he said and saw the way her tears finally rolled down her cheeks; it killed him, but he felt as if something had snapped… something was unleashed._

"_What's that supposed to mean?" she dared and glared through her tears enjoying his clear discomfort._

"_You know what I mean. I don't want to hear it ever again…" he tried to stop as his fists tightened on the sheets, but his mouth was unstoppable. _

"_You don't want to hear what again?" she asked through gritted teeth._

_They stared at each other for a few seconds until he could no longer; he prayed the words wouldn't leave his mouth, but his heart was stronger than his mind at the moment._

"_That… That you love me." His finality slashed her heart, but with a bitter smile she cut the perfect retort for his selfish request._

"_Tell me when I ever said I loved you?" she asked him with strained voice and almost enjoying his astonished face when he realized she had never said it. "But I am glad; it is true then when they say actions speak louder than words… I will never show any kind of affection Kakashi… not for the boy I loved and not for my teammate…" she turned around and left through the curtains with heavy steps._

_Kakashi simply stared at the curtains enclosing him into the bitter aftermath of her slashing words._

_His world spun until a hand on his shoulder brought him back to the moment; only now he was sitting at a stool in a bar and holding a cup of sake to his masked lips; he turned around and saw Asuma there with an apologetic expression._

"_Can you even remember what the last words you said to her were?" he asked with a bitter smile. "I am sorry, Kakashi… No one should go through what you went…" he patted his shoulder in a friendly manner and Kakashi could only nod._

"_I can remember what I never said to her…" he whispered after Asuma walked away and out of the bar._

…

Kakashi snapped his eyes open and he stared at the foreign ceiling of his room; he was surprised for he was simply lying on his makeshift bed; not thrashing and tossing and he wasn't breathing raggedly; he was sweating he could feel it, but aside from that this had been a rather gentler memory.

At least he didn't see her leaving for death or something like that again…

That had been the first time he had closed his sharingan to the world while he kept his other eye open… he learned after that how to do it on a daily basis when his headband was pulled up… of course it didn't tire him out, but he also did it because he wanted Rin to look at him and only him… he didn't want to be Obito's memory.

Kakashi frowned trying to recall the feelings… things he had only felt with her; when she'd be worried and he'd feel important, the way she had showed him how much she cared and he had felt loved… the way she'd stare at his sharingan and he'd felt… jealous.

It wasn't right for him to feel jealous… ever since Obito had died he had vowed to never approach her; Obito had loved her and that had been as much as he could do to honor his memory, but how miserable he had felt anytime she'd come around ready to show him how much she cared; he never did give her the chance to confess.

Then again at the time he had been awfully sure that she had confessed… she did… through actions, but she had never voiced the words; he never let her.

With a heavy sigh he stood from the bed and arranged everything; he dressed and then stepped out of the room walking out to the front garden; it was barely 4 am and the light shade of gray coloring the sky reassured him somehow.

The cold breeze made him shiver and he felt the need to stretch out his stiff muscles and after a few deep breaths he decided to walk around the place; he'd have to wait until night to prepare, but he should scan the harbor to know its structure; mostly he felt cramped, but he was a lucky man.

He rubbed his clothed arms and then placed his freezing hands inside his pants' pockets making his way out the inn…

…

"Oh, Rai! How are you?"

Rai looked up and saw his younger sister with a wide smile, her black hair and matching eyes shining under the morning sun.

"Hello, Mika, how have you been?" he asked as she ran to hug him.

"Just fine, missing you; how's Kaoru-san doing?" she asked with a wide grin on her face and Rai merely sighed.

"Busy, but she's got enough time to berate me for my big mouth… I have a talk with the shinobi yesterday, but I couldn't come back just as soon; I was asked to help at the harbor…" he shrugged.

"Yeah, we were worried about you…" she added as they walked over to the manor up the cliff feeling the warm sun on their backs. "But you met the shinobi… How's he like?" she asked curiously.

"Mysterious… you should've seen him; I really wish I could be a shinobi…" he said placing both hands behind his head while he thought of different outfits he'd like to wear if he were to be a ninja.

"Is he really that cool?" she prompted him to speak with an eager grin on her young face.

"Yeah! He wears a mask over his face so you don't really know what he's thinking and stuff… and his headband! His headband covers his eye! Man, that's so cool…" he sighed defeated.

"Keep on talking like a bloody teenager, Rai! Kaoru-san won't ever marry you!" Rai and Mika turned to look to the voice and sure enough there they found the cook; she had short blonde hair and sparkling yellow eyes.

"I'm just saying… I know she enjoys my childishness." He grinned sheepishly and watched as she rolled her eyes and walked inside the kitchen again.

"You shouldn't bother Hana-san… she's been a bit worried since yesterday." His sister sighed and he turned to look down at her.

"Why?" he asked not understanding.

"Because of the shinobi… Are we lucky there's only one? Or are we in trouble because he's the strongest one? I don't know, Rai… What if something bad happens to her?" she asked worriedly.

"That's why I am here! I am supposed to tell her everything I know about him, right?" he asked walking over to the dining room… "Don't worry! He's just a big lazy bum! Sure he looks cool and stuff, but if you ask me I'd say he's been off duty for a while and he probably only wants to go home soon…" he chuckled as he sat at the table, he turned his head with a happy grin. "Lovely Hana-chan, can I have some coffee and a sandwich?" he yelled in a sing-song voice, but he was greeted with a frying pan on his face.

"I told you not to bother, her…" sighed his sister. "I hope she gets here soon so you can talk to her…" her black orbs drifting to the window…

…

Kakashi had spent the day checking the harbor and the way it operated; he already knew which the ships with the fish were and now they only had to wait… as the night started to fall he spotted Kaoru running over to where he was standing.

"Hatake-san!" she said out of breath; he immediately thought something was wrong.

"Is everything alright?" he asked worriedly and she shook her head with a small smile.

"I am sorry… I was supposed to come and ask if you needed anything before the nightfall, but I've been really busy the whole day." She said still wearing a smile. "Maybe some backup of sorts… I don't know how ninja work…" she said sheepishly.

"Hmm… don't worry, Kaoru-san… I work alone." He gave her an eye crease and she nodded in relief.

"I'm glad then I was scared I'd get myself fired…" she laughed nervously and he returned the nervous crease. "Should I stay close or something?" she asked looking around for a possible place to hide or something; Kakashi gave a deep throaty chuckle.

She blushed…

"Don't worry, Kaoru-san. Just do the same things you do every day; we should not alert them that something's going on…" he said looking at the ships. "I'll be going now…" he added and before she could say anything he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

…

"It's already this late?" Rai was bewilderedly looking at the big clock in the kitchen while Hana finished cleaning the dishes from the diner. "Where's she?" he asked again turning to look at the blonde who simply stared at the clock with hopeful eyes.

"I don't think she's coming… So… she's probably at the port now." She bit her lower lip in worry.

"But she doesn't know a thing about Hatake-san!" he added with a desperate expression on his face.

"Could you please shut up and do something about it! Stop complaining and go to the harbor to see if you can catch her before something happens?" Hana yelled making him flinch.

"I cannot do such a thing! Kaoru-chan will be there!" he said with a low tone and Hana grunted in response.

"That bloody woman again? If she dies I am blaming you!" she yelled again.

"We need to trust in her abilities; she wouldn't like to know we are so worried. She already knew about the shinobi, so that's alright…" Mika answered while she fidgeted nervously.

"Yeah, but she didn't know about his characteristics… What if there was a set up or something…?" he asked again making Hana hit his head with her frying pan.

"It wouldn't make a difference; Rin-san has taken down all of Takami's security before… this is not different." She prayed her words were true.

…

It was close to midnight when he finally felt a surge of chakra in the vicinity and he had done the right thing to come to this ship instead of the other; ever so slowly he walked around; his chakra was masked so no one would notice him.

He was a bit uneasy; something about the chakra seemed familiar, but what was weirder was the fact that there was only one signature of chakra and not a whole group like Takami-san had thought.

He stopped when the waves crashing around the ship made it creak and the signature stopped…. He frowned… Could it be they knew there was someone here?

If his hunch was right it meant someone let it slip… but then again it could be that they heard from the market or something like that.

He heard footsteps to his right and turned sharply with narrowed eyes; he lifted his headband and forced his sharingan to show him whoever was there… sure enough there was someone there, but his movements weren't as concealed as a ninja's.

He wasn't a ninja; he was just a sailor… but why?

He spotted him talking with someone else in the hallway and after exchanging a few words they nodded and walked over to the exit; something was fishy, but he couldn't explain what…

He decided to trace the other chakra signature and found it close enough, with slow steps and not a sound he made it to it, the container's room at the bottom; he peeked through the door and spotted the, hopefully, oblivious figure in dark. It was a woman; the clothes concealed her well, but something about the way she moved and breathed told him that much; she didn't seem worried.

He watched as she forced open a container and a loud gasp reached his ears as she stepped away from the huge vault. He then saw the contents sprawling over the floor in front of her, nothing but rocks and sand; she stomped her foot and he could've sworn he had seen that act before, but couldn't remember exactly where.

He patiently waited and saw her pulling out a cord of some sort and the placed something on her ear along with a small device she raised to her lips.

"Are you there?" she asked in an angry tone; something about her voice resounded in his brain, but he ignored it. "No, do not worry about it, Rai…" Kakashi sighed softly; he had been right to doubt the guy, but he still had things to figure out.

He watched as she kicked rocks around and the gesture turned even more familiar each time she did it.

"No, I haven't seen him, but listen I don't really care how he looks like… Rai!" she yelled angrily and then sighed while she pressed a finger to her temple. "It was a set up… I might have to fight this so called shinobi, but maybe you should check the other two ships; this one only has rocks and sand." She said kicking another rock that flew by Kakashi's leg. "I don't get it, if Kaoru-san is there you should ask her if she can tell us where is the-" Kakashi frowned again and saw as he form stiffened. "A bomb?" his eyes widened and then he understood everything…

The sailors from before were probably activating or placing the explosive; Takami-san planned to take his own ship down with both; the thug and the shinobi inside not really caring about it…

It was a bit too late for both of them to realize about Takami's intentions when the loud blast reached their ears and then the whole ship swayed along sending them flying to a side; Kakashi collided against the opposite wall and he lost her out of sight.

He was sent into a bit of panic when the water pulled him down along with the destroyed ship making it hard to breathe or concentrate on swimming; he still needed to avoid the debris coming onto him.

He frantically looked around under the water and his sharingan caught movement not far from him; his sight finally cleared and he spotted the girl trying to disentangle her feet from a thick rope that pulled her down; he swam towards her and realized her thick mask over her whole face letting only a pair of dark eyes to be seen.

He saw her eyes turn to him and somehow he realized she was not scared of him… she seemed astounded, but why?

She pushed trying to distance herself from him and by the way bubbles kept leaving her mouth he knew she'd drown herself in not time; he couldn't reassure her at all and while he tried to work her feet out of the rope he kept looking up to her only watching her sad eyes with confusion and the way her long hair swayed under the heavy water…

Somehow this situation was familiar; just like many times today he found himself thinking this whole thing felt like a dejá vú…

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**That's the chapter and i hope i'll be able to upload on monday, but i cannot promise it, but... who am i kidding i always upload on time! lol except when my internet provider fails me... -.-' **

**Anyway if you enjoyed it, please leave a review!**

**I'm still busy, so i know i owe you the fanarts! sorry!**


	7. Old friend

**Okaaaaaay! Here's the next chapter and finally Rin! lol**

**I really hope you're enjoying and thanks to Niku and Shikyo for that lovely review; you made my day! :)**

**Please remember to leave a review if you enjoyed!**

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**6**

**~ Old friend ~**

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**~ It is always frightening to love what Death can touch... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…" He looked up from his current position at the front of the small boat they both were riding through the mist. _

_They were on a mission together in the Mist country and true to its name the fog was almost unbearable thus their positions; she was on the back helping him with the oars and he at the front scouting for any signs of life. They were ready to go back home now that they had the right scroll… They needed to reach for the Wave country and then walk to the Fire country._

"_What is it?" he asked over his shoulder regarding her with confusion._

"_Just wondering if you can see something ahead of us…" she smiled kindly and he relaxed a bit as he nodded._

"_Nothing but the riverside…" he gave a small smile under his mask while he thought about this whole time they had spent together. _

_He had just turned fifteen and this had been the first mission they got together after Minato's death, they had been placed on different teams or teamed together with other people, but Kakashi had proven his strength and leadership skills and now got to choose whoever he liked to work with; so far he had chosen Gai and Asuma, even Genma sometimes, but with Rin it was more comfortable._

"_Hmm…" she hummed in awe. "I wish I could have a sharingan…" she mused and gave a bitter smile Kakashi returned over his shoulder. _

_Suddenly he turned and narrowed his eyes; Rin turned to the same side he was looking and widened her eyes at the sound._

"_It sounds like…" she could finish for the huge wave came crashing on them. "Ah!" she yelped as she was thrown into the river; she stretched her arm to clutch the bag dutifully; they couldn't lose the scroll no matter what._

_She was roughly pushed under the water until she felt her forehead collide with a rock, but she tried to keep her consciousness in check while she held the bag tightly in her arms… she blearily opened her eyes and felt a small smile crept to her as she saw Kakashi diving towards her with wide and worried eyes; she did her best to reassure him with a look that said she was okay._

_He came in front of her and took her hand, but as soon as he pulled and started swimming upwards they noticed her foot was tangled in seaweed… They shared a look and Kakashi was astounded when she pushed the bag on his chest and prompted him to leave her._

_He shook his head no and dove back to her foot trying to disentangle it from the weed tightened on her leg, but it was a bit hard; he looked up and saw her big brown eyes full of sadness and despair; he rapidly pulled out a kunai from his pouch and did his best to cut all of the leaves there was only a few left when he looked up and saw her eyes closed tightly and lots of bubbles leaving her mouth and nose._

_He cut the remaining ones and then pushed her up and with a hard tug on her wrist he pulled her up while he swam as fast as he could._

_Soon enough he had her head out of the water, but she was already passed out._

"_Rin!" he called through his mask, but when he got no response he pulled her over to the riverside and laid her on the soft grass there; her face was pale as he softly patted her cheeks; her lips were blue and she wasn't breathing; with wide eyes filled with fright he pushed the bag from her chest where she had been clutching it and place his ear against her chest… "Rin…" he said not knowing how to proceed._

_He tried to remember everything he learned in the academy, but it was all building up in his head making it harder to focus on the task at hand; he quickly worked on her posture before placing both hands on her chest and pushing a few times, but she remained the same._

"_Rin!" he called again wiping his forehead and pushing aside his silver bangs; his eyes darting from her closed eyes, to her lips and then to her stilled chest. He pushed again a few times against her chest and then with a hard expression on his eyes he pulled down his mask…_

_He pinched her nose and then lowered his lips to her mouth and blew in… the reaction was immediate and he barely registered the fact she practically coughed in his mouth, he regarded her while she kept coughing and the water spilled out while she took deep consumptions of much needed air._

"_Rin…" he called again this time wearing a pleased smile while he held her cheeks and made her look at him; her barely opened eyes focused on his face._

_He had forgotten about his mask and when her small hand reached up to his face and her soft fingertips traced down his jaw and over his moistened lips he widened his eyes in realization._

_She smiled up at him and for the first time she saw his blushing face… as well as a small dent on his left cheek; he had a dimple; she'd never forget about his face, but as a friend she only smiled._

"_I didn't see a thing." She reassured him while she clutched his mask up onto his face…_

_He kept staring at her blankly… What was he supposed to do?_

…

With the littlest bit of the memory in his mind he finally pulled out a kunai from his pouch and then cut the thick rope as fast as he could; he looked up from time to time to check on her darkened orbs, but he could only see her saddened gaze upon him; his frown intensified when her eyes started to close and more bubbles came out of her mouth.

He cut the last bit and then placed his right arm under her chest and pulled her along with him while he swam to the surface; finally inhaling much needed air to his lungs he looked around frantically and feeling for the first time the utter coldness from the water and the icy wind; his mouth kept expelling hot and white breath, but the woman in his arms was not breathing.

He swam to the closest shore trying to keep an eye for anyone coming to them, but he made it to a dark place on the port and pulled her over the docks on the cold wood; he was too cold to actually be gentle about the way he pulled her heavy body soaked with the seawater…

With a loud grunt he finally placed her properly on the floor and moved over her body regarding the closed eyes with concern and the same sensation of dejá vú from before.

"Oi, wake up…" he called softly as he patted her masked cheeks and kept on alert looking around for intruders.

He was exhausted and sick of the feeling invading his body; he removed her hair from her chest and leaned over placing his ear against her, barely registering the only difference from this moment to the one happening when he was fifteen; her breasts.

He stared down at her masked face debating over if he should reveal her face; he knew he wouldn't want someone seeing his face just because he was in bad shape, but then again this was his mission and she had been the one to freak out underwater, if she would've been composed enough she wouldn't be in this situation…

"Sorry…" he said as he looked for the hem of the whole mask on her neck; he roughly pulled it in one swift motion all the way through her long hair and tossed it aside…

When his gaze returned to her face his deep scowl was replaced by wide eyes and all the air leaving his lungs, he felt his hands trembling and suddenly he felt void and even colder than before; a stirring feeling setting on his gut and his eyes stinging painfully against the cold night air…

"Rin…"

It was her; there was no mistake as he stared at her much matured face; her perky nose and her big closed eyelids with long lashes kissing her pale cheeks that were adorned with purple markings; her flush lips were turning blue and that snapped him out of his reverie if only a bit.

He swallowed hard and placed his hands on her chest once again; his mind was spinning with images, thoughts and memories and at the same time it was only a big stain of nothing; he couldn't think straight.

After pushing several times he didn't even doubt when he pulled his own mask down and with his forefinger and thumb he pinched her nose and then lowered his lips only stopping as he hovered over her pale face, but in the end he softly placed his mouth on hers and blew…

Just like eighteen years ago he separated from her when she started to cough and the water sputtered out of her mouth, she tossed and turned whining in pain as the cold water left her lungs and then stopped, breathing raggedly.

Kakashi stared at her wide eyed and not knowing anymore if he was seeing right, maybe he was in a genjutsu, maybe he was dreaming, maybe he was finally insane… but when her eyes blearily blinked up at him; he felt his heart stopping for a beat; and something inside him started working again…

Her brown gaze jumped from the sharingan to his black eye and soon there were tiny drops leaving the corners of her eyes and sliding down to her ears and the floor; her white breath mingling with his and a soft gasp leaving her lips when his hand came up to her face.

She swallowed thickly and closed her eyes tightly upon feeling his, somehow, warm touch.

"No…" he barely whispered with hoarse voice. "Don't close your eyes just yet…" he muttered again and she opened them, begrudgingly staring up at his mismatched gaze.

Time had stopped and suddenly nothing mattered anymore; nothing was as important as this… Rin was alive and breathing; she was staring into his eyes and he was sure he was finally running on track again.

With sad eyes that kept crying under him; her hands reached to his neck making him swallow thickly and she pulled his mask over his face while giving him a bitter smile…

"I didn't see a thing…" she whispered feeling her throat burning with the cold water.

His eyes widened a bit before he leaned down in one swift motion trapping her hands between their bodies and hugged her tightly to his chest; his eyes closed tightly and he buried his face in the crook of her neck…

Rin stared at the dark sky above them; some stars glinting down on them; she kept shedding tears uncontrollably, but her strength wouldn't let her say or do anything else…

_Why now? Why is this happening now…?_

She tried to find comfort on his warm embrace and faintly noticed his much longer and unruly silver hair against her cheek, he was bigger and broader, she faintly felt her cheeks burning and smiled bitterly when the feelings from long ago returned to her…

He still had the same uninterested look on his face only replaced by worried eyes, but when he had seen her he had been truly astounded like so many times before when she had talked to him; he was still handsome in his own twisted and sarcastic way; he was now a man and not the boy she remembered, not the boy she had loved.

Why now that she was finally making her life again…? She had wandered around for so long avoiding any crowded places and changing her appearance from time to time; with the end of the final war she had decided to stop hiding, but she would've never thought she'd run into him at some point.

A strong shiver ran down her spine and she almost cursed aloud when he separated from her keeping his hands on her shoulders; her hands frozen over her chest and her teary eyes staring up at him, but she panicked when she couldn't spot his eyes; he was hiding behind his long and wet front bangs.

"We need to warm you." He said with a clipped tone she feared even more than facing him after thirteen years.

She couldn't speak as her whole body trembled and her mouth dried, tears kept streaming along her temples and she lifelessly let him pull her body into a sitting position barely registering the fact he was taking off his green vest and was untying her kimono-like shirt; she made a protesting sound back in her throat, but he kept undressing her with rough hands; she blushed hard when his callused hand came to her back and pulled her flush against his chest; somehow he had discarded his shirt too…

She lied there in his arms with her chin up on his shoulder not able to meet his gaze; her whole body trembling as she sat on his lap and his arms embraced her… she swallowed again…

She heard and felt his breathing against the naked skin of her shoulder and closed her eyes feeling soft shivers running down her spin, but she could swear it was not because of the cold night air at the harbor; his silence was killing her slowly, but she was accepting his cold shoulder as a punishment for leaving thirteen years ago without a word.

She couldn't help but let out a long and heavy sigh when his hands started rubbing up and down the length of her cold back; in the back of her mind she thought that his hands were different and that he hadn't had those calluses, not even then and his hands hadn't been that big as she could feel the hot surface of them moving against her shoulder blades and ribs…

Could it be she was better off dead?

Because right now she knew he hated the fact she had been alive as much as he loved the feeling… She could relate to those feelings… too different, but really close to the other.

She stared silently at the sight behind him; her breathing was calm and steady now and the hot puffs of air leaving her mouth slowed down; she shivered again; this time as he moved the wet long hair from her shoulder and back with a careful hand; she felt the cold air blowing against her skin and tried to move, but she was still too cold.

She felt his hot breath on her shoulder and blushed again, but when she felt it on her ear she felt as if she was choking on life; she couldn't face him and say the truth of her past actions; he'd feel left out… He'd feel burdened.

Kakashi was having a hard time controlling his emotions and having all the old memories, the latest dreams and nightmares rushing in his head clogging it with a huge bulge of emotional trepidation and boldness; he could almost feel as if he was making it up for her for all the past times he didn't answer, all those times he rejected her, every time he pushed her feelings aside along with his… But at the same time, he was furious like he hadn't been ever before; he wasn't the kind to snap and feel such strong emotions, but then again, only Rin had pulled so much out of him before…

He needed to let her know… because at the moment he felt as if he was only twenty and he was finally mature enough to realize Obito was dead and it was hard to let your best friend at the hands of a deceased person; Obito would've wanted him to protect her in this very way he was holding her against his chest.

His arms tightened around her only a bit and he let out a sigh not knowing how was he supposed to react now that he had her back… it was all too confusing.

His eyes moved from the floor to the front and he spotted two lone figures walking around on the docks and by the way they were muttering and walking in soft steps he knew they were trying to be silent… Rai and Kaoru were approaching them.

Kakashi mustered enough strength on his legs and stood from the cold wood pulling Rin with him; her legs felt like frozen jelly and she could do nothing more than let him hold her up.

"Can you stand?" he asked roughly, but not separating him from his body.

She wanted to cry and tell him how sorry she was, but her throat still burned from the drowning… she shook her head no; she couldn't feel her legs at all only an unpleasant numbness.

Kakashi nodded and changed her position so he could lift her legs placing one arm under her knees; she made a whimpering sound in the back of her throat and he faintly turned to look at her… She couldn't stop a few more tears that slid down her cheeks when his cold eyes turned to her, but he was soon facing the newcomers; leaving her to feel guiltier.

Kaoru and Rai were arguing about the situation at hand and failed to notice Kakashi because their eyes were glued to the cold sea in front of them, but Kaoru was the first to spot them when she turned around.

"Hatake-san!" she gasped regarding his deep mismatched eyes while he held… "Rin-chan!" she yelled and ran to her.

Rai stared at Kakashi with a troubled expression, but he too walked over to the pair following Kaoru.

The young couple stared with nothing to say afraid that the shinobi hired by the Daimyo would harm them in some way, but by the protective stance as he held their friend they couldn't fear him for long; Kaoru sighed loudly.

"I should've been honest with you from the start, Hatake-san, but I can promise I didn't know a thing about the bomb…" she said mortified by the hidden act from her leader.

Kakashi nodded, but his eyes remained frozen; he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but hate and relief at the moment, he was facing some mental issues and he only wanted to sit and warm himself for a while.

"We need to change her clothes and get her warm." He added in a clipped tone while Rin started to shiver again in his arms; while Rai stared at his masked face with narrowed eyes.

"Let's get going, then…" Rai said with a serious face as he regarded the man holding Rin in arms with such care.

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**So, what'll happen in the next chapter? Read to find out!**

**Lol i'll see you on wednesday hopefully! ;)**


	8. Old love

**Thank you Shokyo! i am glad you like the story so far! :)**

**Thank you Yeather for reading i hope you like this chapter as well! :D**

**I wish i had more reviews, but i guess this couple is not that popular or there are a lot of people reading nd not revieweing -.-'**

**lol Anyway people! Read and if you enjoy leave a review! It won't hurt and is totally free! **

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**~ Old love ~**

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**~ No one will ever uderstand the way I loved you... No one's ever loved you like I did... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…" Asuma called softly as he downed a cup of sake; being the older one with twenty years old sure had its perks, while Asuma released his stress through a cigarette and a cup of sake Kakashi was stuck with his moody behavior. _

_The silver haired ANBU turned to look at Asuma with almost a pout on his masked face; he had been staring off into the bar at _nothing_ in particular…_

"_Do you know why we are sitting here and not there?" he asked with a smirk while Kakashi lowered his eyes to the bar surface regarding his nonalcoholic drink with distaste._

"_I do not mind…" he muttered shrugging as he gave a non-interested look. _

_Asuma smiled amusedly while he downed another cup of sake and looked over at the far table in the bar where Rin was gathering along with her closest friends because of her nineteenth birthday._

_It had been 2 years and a month since the last time he and Rin had spoken and it pained him greatly because she was his last string to this realm… even if she wasn't talking to him; he knew he needed her breathing to live…_

_His eyes drifted with a sad glint over to where she was sitting; he wanted to believe those dark circles around her eyes were because she cried at night because of him, he wanted to believe her weak smile was because he wasn't there… he wanted to be her reason to be happy and alive…_

_With a loud sigh he returned to his stupid drink and realized he had some kind of psychological issue… How could it be he was so selfish to even think of something so egotistical…? As friend he should be happy… because even if she didn't like him anymore she was happy…_

"_You're on bad terms with Rin-chan and so I am with Kurenai… We are outcasts at the moment…" he snickered when Kakashi glared his way. "I know I can fix things with Kurenai, but you… I wonder if there's a way to fix your problem with Rin-chan…" he flicked his tongue in thought and Kakashi regarded him with a narrowed eye._

"_It is not as if we were in some kind of relationship… Asuma…" he said through gritted teeth._

"_What? Isn't being a friend a relationship? Come on, Kakashi…" he snorted not liking the way Kakashi saw life and society. "What's wrong with you? I don't truly understand, but there's that cute girl that's been in love with you since… I don't know maybe she was already destined to be in love with you! I don't know why, but she saw something in you…" Asuma said a bit desperate for his friend to understand._

"_You don't understand, Asuma." Kakashi said in a clipped tone while he watched Rin out of the corner of his eye._

"_No, I don't, but I know that she doesn't deserve to be on your bad side…" he said. "Rin loves you, Kakashi, why can't you just love her back?" he asked watching as Kakashi's fingers tapped uncontrollably over the bar. "Isn't she beautiful enough? She's nice and smart and a great girl… I honestly don't understand what you are waiting for. You should just stop moping around and return her feelings once and for-"_

"_Obito loved her!" he snapped loudly._

_For a moment Asuma simply stared with an astounded expression at his friend; he should've known it was something of the sort, after all Kakashi was a loyal friend and too noble to actually do something for his greater good… but it was too late now…_

_Kakashi was furious at Asuma's speech and he had yelled to the top of his lungs; he barely registered the fact that it was too silent and only a soft tune of music playing on his ears… but the whole bar was silent…_

_He grunted and stood from his stool; he looked over his shoulder and saw every person inside looking at him with confusion… his eyes drifted to the table where Rin was and saw the way Gai, Kotetsu and Izumo stared at him with confused faces. Kurenai simply looked surprised by his outburst. Anko and Shizune both blinked rapidly not comprehending…_

_Rin was paler and had wide eyes; her hand was frozen as she held her drink midway to her lips… He stared at her too upset to actually hide his ranging emotions; he knew she knew what he meant…_

_Ever so slowly he left her gaze and returned to Asuma, but didn't meet his eyes; he simply stared at the ground._

"_There you have it…" he muttered and with a fast move he took his vest from the surface and stomped out of the bar with fast strides not looking back and knowing Rin was following him with her chocolate eyes._

…

November 15th… just a month after his own birthday; she was turning nineteen that day and he had been in a moody behavior ever since they fought at the hospital…

Kakashi sighed while he took a hot bath at the manor on the outskirts; it was really comfortable at least at night when the kids were sleeping…

That memory had been really one of the most bittersweet ones he had, but somehow he felt he was the one to feel angry now; she should be the one doing an explanation and asking for forgiveness, then again he was happy to have her…

He had been reluctant of letting her go so her friends took care of her damp clothes and bathed her, but in the end he tried to be as unfazed by it as he could. He ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed again; this mission was sort of out of control; the person that had hired him had tried to kill him and the thug was his longtime friend.

With impassive eyes he looked up at the ceiling letting the light bulb burn his gaze; he opened his left eye and blinked a few times to focus his sight; it was always a bit uncomfortable to have both eyes open, but he had mastered the focusing.

What was he supposed to do now? How should he proceed? Should he alert the Hokage about the outcome so far?

What about Rin? Should he finish this off soon and take her back? Should he leave without her?

He wouldn't leave her no matter what… Now that he knew she had been alive for the last thirteen years she had a lot of explanation to do, but how should he proceed with this?

A soft knock interrupted his thoughts and he stared at the sliding door with an impassive look…

"Hatake-san?" It was Kaoru's voice; he simply turned to look down at his lap under the water, not wanting to answer back. "We prepared something to eat for you…" she added and he knew she was waiting for a reply.

With another sigh he stood from the tub and grabbed a towel wrapping it around his narrow hips; he stepped out of the tub and rummaged through his pack looking for dry clothes.

"Thank you, Kaoru-san…" he said as he rummaged through the bag's contents. "I'll be out soon." He added.

"Perfect!" he heard her nervous tone and then the soft steps as she made her way over to the end of the hall.

He changed into a long-sleeved blue shirt and his usual blue pants, barefooted and not wearing his headband; they had all seen his sharingan so it was rather pointless he'd keep the eye closed anyway… out of habit of course.

He made it to the dining room and spotted Rai talking with a blonde woman he had just met as the cook; she kept a wary look on him, but she never said anything. It was Rai the one who spoke first.

"There's your dinner, Hatake-san…" he said pointing to a plate with a sandwich and some tea, on the front seat there was also a sandwich and a cup of tea.

Kakashi nodded and took a seat regarding the food, but knowing he was being watched, before he ate he looked up with a wondering gaze.

"Where's Kaoru-san?" he asked wanting to know where Rin was.

"She's helping Mika-chan with dressing, Rin-chan, but she should be back soon…" Rai muttered with a serious tone. "Rin-chan will be eating soon too." He added.

He had just finished saying this when they heard footsteps and Rin stepped inside the dining room with a worried look; she was wearing a black yukata tightly tied at the front and barefooted… her eyes fell on her old love.

She felt the air leaving her lungs and for a moment she thought she'd cry again. His eye only stayed on her for a second before he lowered it to the food in front of him.

She looked up at Rai and Hana and they only nodded knowing she wanted to be left alone with the shinobi… She waited until they were out and then slid the door closed…

She turned around and found him still regarding the food in front of him, his silver bangs hiding his look from her view and she felt even more nervous as she simply stared…

She decided to sit down in front of him and sipped at the tea that Hana had left there for her to drink… she should say something, explain or whatever, but she couldn't organize her thoughts, she let her forehead rest against her hand.

"You saved my life… again…" she whispered. "Thank you." She said in the same soft whisper.

He heard her, but kept his eyes down; she was saying things he already knew; he wanted to know what he ignored and she must've been a bit confused about the priorities at hand, but he'd let her continue with a deep frown on his face, one she couldn't see.

Rin swallowed thickly when he didn't answer and then looked around trying to find something to aid her tough task, but nothing seemed to be the answer she looked for, maybe he only wanted the explanation of why she was alive, but it pained her to be on the end of his hatred at the moment.

Of course like many times before in the last thirteen years she had thought of how he would react if he ever came to know about her again, but she had never reached an accurate scenario… nothing was accurate when it came to Kakashi.

Desperation was building up inside her and she kept fidgeting under the table not knowing what to say even if her mind was supplying all the possible answers to his unspoken questions. Finally she snapped…

"Why don't you ask? Whatever you want to know; I'll tell…" she whispered harshly, feeling her eyes burning as she closed them tightly to prevent the tears from trailing down her cheeks, but it was pointless…

He heaved a long sigh and looked up with a hard glare; she accepted it for what it was and refrained from saying anything while a sob raked her body.

"How come you're alive? Why did you left? Why didn't you tell me? What happened? What have you been doing? Where have you been? I don't know… I can't think of anything else at the moment…" he asked and mumbled with a clipped tone, but not raising his voice.

She sobbed once again and then wiped her tears and buried her face in her hands feeling utterly lost; the questions were easy, but the answers were rough and a bit selfish.

Was he going to understand what she did and the reasons why she had decided to do it...?

Would he felt left out and even more angered about the responses?

"Don't cry, Rin…" for only a moment she thought he was trying to console her, but when she looked up with wide and surprised eyes, she saw his lowered face hidden behind his hair. "You don't have the right to cry…"

She felt cold and the air stuck in her throat drying her mouth and lips, a shiver running down her back and her hands freezing at his rough and painful words.

He was right… Painfully right… She didn't have the right to cry…

"I…" she started when he gave her his full attention, both eyes focused on her face and one raised eyebrow prompting her to continue. "I… I was…" she swallowed as her eyes tried to focus on his black eye not wanting to anger him like the last time they fought; she lowered her gaze, feeling more comfortable like that. "The Third Hokage gave me a mission…" she said with a lowered voice and Kakashi frowned now fully interested.

He had thought she had just run away from him and the village, but it could be there was much behind the fake death.

"I was supposed to go with you to the north border and tend to the wounded there, but I knew that if I dragged you there we would both be outcasts." Her voice faltered at the end, but she took a deep breath. "My mission was to stay there until new notice… I sent my last letter to you hoping to hear one last word from you, but… when the messenger arrived there was only one letter for me…" she wiped her tears again.

"What was it about?" he asked.

"My orders were to fake my own death and proceed to the Waterfall as a spy…" she finished.

Kakashi simply stared at her with angered eyes, more even now that he couldn't hate her… she was only following orders.

She looked up and saw him as the turmoil inside his head reflected in his mismatched eyes with intensity.

"I was following orders, Kakashi…" the name felt weird on her mouth.

"You could've taken me with you." He said in the same clipped tone he'd been using with her.

"I couldn't… I am not that selfish. I was only sent there because every doctor was busy with other missions…" she stood from the chair and walked over to the end of the room opening a sliding door that led to the garden… she breathed in the cold night air and sighed. "I was never the best, Kakashi… I was sent because they wouldn't lose much with me gone…" she thought bitterly.

"But Gai told me that I was supposed to go there, with you." He stood too and followed…

"Yes, because they didn't trust I'd get there… I… I said you were hurt on your last mission and then I was sent with someone else…" she turned and took a step back even if he was not approaching her; she felt intimidated. "Kakashi… I was scared; everyone was dying and the next thing I knew was that I didn't want you to die… and if you should I wanted to die first…" she mumbled.

"You say you are not that selfish, yet you forgot about us…" he said. "You and me Rin… I thought you understood." He was angrier now and this time he did approach her with steady steps. "You were the last bit of sanity I had." He said in such a harsh manner she felt even smaller under his mismatched gaze. "As your teammate… as your friend… and superior… I had the right to know…" he whispered roughly.

"I couldn't…" she whimpered.

"If not about the part about you faking your own death then about the mission…" he said once again and this time as she took a step back her back collided with the doorframe.

"I didn't want you to have the chance of coming with me and risking your life… You were an ANBU and… your missions were horrible…" she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. "I just…" Kakashi ran a hand through his hair cursing inwardly; he didn't like it when she cried… and it was almost a foreign feeling while he stared at her.

"That wasn't for you to decide… I knew what I was doing on every mission, Rin…" he said in more soothing manner. "I was a jounin and an ANBU… I had experience…"

"I kept remembering all those times you were placed on a hospital bed with a deep wound and… all bloodied and bruised…" she sobbed until her knees gave a way and she slid down against the doorframe.

Kakashi squatted in front of her, but refrained from touching her or reassuring her anymore…

"When my orders came I couldn't stop thinking about you… You were everything I had… I considered you more than a teammate; family… you were my friend and I was trying to do my best protecting you… I never thought this would hurt you as much as it hurt me…" she explained.

Finally he sighed and a bit from the rational and old Kakashi-sensei returned to his troubled mind. There was no point in fighting over something that was done and long ago…

"It did, Rin… it hurt me like nothing ever hurt me." He said in a quiet whisper.

She looked up with moist cheeks and watery eyes; her eyes jumping from the red one to the black one and she swallowed thickly not able to conceal the effect he had on her senses.

"I am glad you're fine…" he said and his eyes creased in a kind and tired smile behind the mask; she blushed and before she could stop what she was doing she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly; burying her face on his shoulder.

Kakashi gasped as she collided with his chest, but he felt whole again; he hugged her tight surrounding her torso with his arms and hearing her release a sigh against his shirt…

"I missed you so much…" she muttered on his shoulder and he swallowed willing the anger to go, but there was still some left; he would ignore it for now.

This scene he was in subtly reminded him of how they had fixed things after the incident at the bar on her birth day.

Only then things had gotten a bit out of control for him…

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**I'll wait for more reviews before i update... ;) **

**Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!**


	9. Situation

**Thank you so much for all the reviews i thought i'd wait for a day before updating because i never thought i'd get so many reviews... lol **

**Thank you again; Alexzander95; Kakashi is my favourite character from Naruto along with Sakura, Naruto and Shikamaru... lol. **

**princessmaremare; thanks for your review i hope you enjoy this chapter and hope you'll keep reviewing! :D**

**Urashike! You actually reviewed various chapters! lol so much love, by the way thanks for pointing out about the retrospection in the first chapter :)**

**fare234; thanks for your review.**

**Niku; thank you!**

**Shikyo! i am sorry if i made you wait too long before my update i actually don't enjoy not uploading for more than three days and two days almost killed me, but thank you for waiting... :) hope you enjoy.**

**Yeather; I think i know what you mean about those mistakes... I'll try better from now on to write more understandable and simple sentences... lol thank you for reading!**

**NOW ON WITH THE READING; REMEMBER TO REVIEW IF YOU ENJOYED... **

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**~ Situation ~**

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**~ I cannot move on when the only thing I wanted for the future remains in the past... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…" he heard her voice, but this time as he lied in his hospital bed he couldn't muster enough strength or desire to see her face again._

_He had been praying all night that she'd come to see him; he was deeply wounded, the deep wound on his torso would leave another scar for sure, but he couldn't care._

_He had taken the mission only because he was scared to see her after the incident at the bar that had happened only a week ago._

_He lied still in bed breathing evenly while he heard her soft steps next to his bed and then recognized the sound of the sliding curtains; he hated the sound; it reminded him of the first time they had fought, all in all he hated hospitals with passion._

_He opened his black eye and immediately focused on her troubled face; she was clearly worried, but he didn't know what to say… He sighed and turned his gaze to the ceiling not knowing how to act around her… He prayed she wouldn't talk about the bar thing…_

"_How are you feeling?" she asked in a lowered voice and he smiled over her wariness and the way her eyes looked over his bandaged torso._

"_I'm fine." He grumbled out in a husky almost sleepy voice, but his eye stayed on the ceiling._

"_I'm glad to hear it." She faintly noticed the way he kept the sharingan closed and refused to give a bitter smile; they were so broken… both their hearts were broken._

"_Who told you? Gai?" he mused not liking the silence that feel between them._

"_Asuma-san…" she said and he swallowed thickly; he knew the topic would come out any minute now. "He was downstairs…" she added not liking the way he was grimacing. "I was doing my rounds and… I saw him; he said you came in last night…" she said all in one awkward breath._

_Kakashi nodded lightly and faintly looked at her; she was fidgeting and glancing at the floor with a creased brow; she was clearly nervous and experience told him that she actually wanted to know what he had gone about at the bar._

"_Why don't you ask…?" he said grunting as he tried to sit; she jumped on to help him and rearranged his pillows so he was more comfortable._

"_It's alright… I won't push the matter…" she said with a bitter smile regarding his impassive face; it irked Kurenai and even more Anko to see his face; they hated the fact he never showed emotions; yet Rin knew how to read those impassive faces everyone hated._

"_You are overly nice." He lowered his eye to his lap and heard her sigh after a while…_

"_You know, Kakashi… There are few things you can actually do or say to hurt me…" she said and took a deep breath when he returned his confused eye to her face. "This whole time I've been… alone… I've realized I wasn't deeply hurt by your last words, not like it hurt me to be apart from you." She said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear._

_He followed her action with his lone eye and just as soon as he caught himself he turned to look at her again._

"_I don't want to be away from you…" she smiled bitterly again. "I don't particularly want to be your friend… but if it is the only way to be with you I'll gladly take it…" she sighed._

"_I cannot be your friend, Rin." He blurted out and she widened her eyes, but her eyes couldn't found his as he hid behind his front bangs. "Friends don't do what I did… Friends don't dream about… stupid things…" he was clearly frustrated. _

"_So… you're saying you don't want me… near you… in any way…?" it was half a statement and half a question; she fell silent waiting for his answer._

"_I…" he looked up with his heart beating a furious tempo against his chest. He opened both eyes and focused her as best as he could; he felt even more nervous when her eyes stayed on his lonely black eye and didn't drift to the sharingan. "I'm saying I…"_

_Rin stood there in front of him staring deeply into his soul, not wavering and it gave him enough courage to voice his wishes…_

"_I'm saying I wish I could simply be want you want me to be…" he whispered, but she heard him and he watched as her shoulders relaxed as did her features. "You're not the only one having a hard time, Rin and I don't want to be apart from you, but I cannot call myself your friend if I stay close…" he explained and watched as she nodded._

"_What would you regret if you die tomorrow?" she bluntly asked and saw his eyes widening. "We are at war and we could easily die the very next minute…" she said again. "What would you regret if you died? Don't lie…" she said fixing a hard look upon his eyes._

"_Many things, Rin…" he sighed; a sad look taking over his masked face._

"_Make a list if you must…" she smiled a sat on the edge of the bed regarding him kindly._

_He swallowed hard and then it was a need to talk about this…_

"_I'd regret never actually telling my dad how much I admired him, though I figure he already knew…" he gave a bitter snort. "I'd regret my attitude after he died… I'd regret not getting along with Obito from the beginning… I'd regret not being able to save him… I'd regret not being of any help to save Minato-sensei and Kushina-san…" Rin placed a hand on his when his voice cracked under the pressure of his words. "I'd regret not seeing you before Obito did… I'd regret not…" he looked up at her meeting her wide brown orbs. "I'd regret not doing what I wanted most…" his eyes fell on her lips…_

_He knew she still loved him, but just like he thought, Rin wasn't ready… sure she loved him, she had showed him how much, but he had never showed it and every single repressed feeling of his was now showing… she was overwhelmed by his feelings._

_He felt her hand trembling while she lifted it from his, but it was a bit too late for her to withdraw her own feelings. He frowned not recognizing his actions as he roughly took her hand before she could pull it to her body… she gasped softly._

_He ran his thumb over her knuckles that turned white from the strength she was making as she tried to pull her hand. His fingers were soft even if his grasp was hard… he stared only at her hand still trying to return to his usual self; if he looked up at her he didn't know what he'd do…_

"_Kakashi…?" her voice was barely above a whisper and he could almost feel the soft murmur caressing his pained soul. _

"_I'm sorry…" he said and pulled her roughly; her face falling against his shoulder and feeling her cheeks burning when his breath fawned over her neck. "I'd regret not loving you, Rin."_

_Her hands flat against his chest, not quite pushing, but her mind yelled she should… her eyes frantically looking around and her mouth tightly closed afraid that a sound would come out while she felt his hands; one tangling in her hair and the other one running up and down her back._

_She tried to turn her head to his face and felt as he let her do it; her nose brushing his masked jaw as she did so and his right hand still tangled in her hair; her brown gaze collided with his black and red one and saw the intensity being smothered inside his mind, but it didn't stop him from reaching with his left hand to tug down his mask…_

_Her eyes widened as he leaned over and with his right hand angled her head to meet his lips in a long peck._

_His eyes tightly closed and hers were open wide as saucers; her cheeks burned and her hands felt his skin as it warmed from the close proximity._

_He separated from her after a moment and let his forehead against hers while he regarded her with so many emotions playing in his bared face, but the one that seemed more obvious was betrayal…_

_And even as he stared down at her with a sad crease on his brow she gave him a sad smile and slowly tugged the mask up his face; as a friend she needed to understand… Kakashi had too many ghosts to actually do what she wanted… what he wanted…_

"_I'll be your friend, Kakashi… I promise I'll be there whenever you need me." Her words echoed in his mind and this time he hugged her tight because she was finally doing what was best for both of them… not what they wanted but what they needed to do._

…

"So after wandering around for almost six years in the Waterfall I heard the awful news about the Third's death…" she muttered as she hugged her knees to her body.

They were both sitting at the terrace not actually minding the cold… Kakashi sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day…

"I was a spy and I kept sending information to the village and the Third was kind enough to answer back himself telling me about you and what you did…" she smiled a bit when he seemed surprised. "Pretty much good things; guess that was why I couldn't believe you actually were hurting as bad as I was…" she sighed.

"What did you hear about?" he dared to ask an odd feeling of trepidation building up inside; he wanted to know what she thought about his goals and stuff.

"You left the ANBU and I was the happiest girl in the world when I read that letter… I could finally be at ease not worrying about your life…" he snorted; she had always been worried about it. "You became a fulltime jounin and a sensei…" she said giving a friendly look.

"Yeah…" his face softened as he remembered the first time he met his students and something inside him warmed; he had wanted to tell her so much about them… "Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke…" he supplied and she grinned.

"Naruto…" she repeated with a forlorn look directed to the darkened skies. "How's he like?" she asked.

"Do you remember Kushina-san…?" he asked with a funny crease on his black eye.

"Yes, you don't forget about her that easily…" she snorted.

"He's a lot like her… his personality; he's a loud kid with a bubbly attitude and an unwavering will…" he said proudly.

"So he's nothing like Minato-sensei…" she stated, but waited for his confirmation.

"Well; they both have the same sense of justice… and of course he's like his clone all the way to the blonde hair and blue eyes." He said with a snort.

"I'd like to meet him someday…" she said returning her eyes to the stars above.

That tugged at something inside him and for a moment he felt the need to ask her about it; wasn't she coming home?

"What about Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun?" she asked curiously.

"Ah… she's a bit shy, but very bossy at times… really strong and sensitive; a good friend." He muttered. "Sasuke had a rough beginning with us…" he sighed.

"Yes, I heard you had trouble with one of your students and I've heard all sort of rumors about the only survivor from the Uchiha clan…" she lowered her gaze. "I heard a lot about you and your role in the last war. I was already here when the war started and I wanted to return, help some, but… I was already busy…" she explained and he seemed hurt again.

Why was she doing that was more important than coming home to him?

"I am sorry Kakashi…" she gave a soft smile. "I know I should've go back as soon as the Hokage died, but… next thing I knew I was already taking care of many people here… I postponed my trip back… and then the war was over…" her eyes glazed over as if she was remembering something… "I was no longer to go back…"

"Why not?" he asked roughly and she lowered her gaze.

"This place was nothing like what it is today… When I got here I tried my best to help the people here… Takami was about to be elected to take over the Daimyo's state, but things were too hard and rough; he was only a fisherman when I met him…" she explained. "I wasn't particularly welcomed here; as a shinobi people was scared of me thinking of the catastrophes from the last war and all…" she took a deep breath.

He saw the way her features softened.

"I was finally free to do whatever I wanted… to start a new life and that was when I met my first friends here…Rai, his little sister Mika, Hana, Kaoru and a young couple; Mia and Kuno; they both died seven years ago after I arrived here." She seemed pained to remember them. "They welcomed me in their house and I treated her during her pregnancy; she was a true friend… you know… Like Kurenai-chan, Shizune-chan and Anko-chan…" she smiled with a shy look.

"Yeah… you were particularly close to those three…" he sighed.

"Mia let me talk on hours about my past always listening to my ramble about Minato-sensei, Obito and you…" she smiled forlornly. "Her husband died before the baby was born and she died while giving birth…" she swallowed the lump rising in her throat. "On her last breath she made me promise I'd take care of her son no matter what… she told me she wanted to name him Obito… she liked the name and the personality that I told about…"

Kakashi stared at her with his sad lone eye feeling her pain and when her hand wiped her eyes he really felt bad; it didn't matter how much he had been hurting she had been alone… truly alone while he had Kurenai, Anko, Asuma, Gai, Genma and the rest of the gang.

"I was so scared… I was a mother to a kid I never planned to have and I was alone in a foreign land." Her voice croaked a bit. "Thank God I met the rest of the guys just after… they understood my situation… and helped me raise the kid to the best of my abilities…" she snorted wiping more tears.

"Hana was going through the same then… she was fifteen when I met her seven years ago and her mother had died leaving her with her little sister to raise… the girl died from a terminal decease short after…" she added.

So much death and blood… Why was he being such an egotistical man when Rin had gone through this much herself…? In a foreign land and completely alone; he couldn't be such an idiot…

"In the end we ended up living all together… Rai was a fisherman, Hana a cook working at the Daimyo's state, Kaoru found herself climbing spot at the main office and I was the doctor…" she shrugged. "Life was simple; until last war happened and this land was almost destroyed… I managed to keep my friends alive this time and seeing how so many kids and elders were left out after the fight we decided to do something…" she was more steady now and approaching the main situation with the thugs.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Since Takami-san was barely starting he agreed to build a place for the kids and elders at the outskirts… he'd send food every now and then, but soon enough he stopped; we tried to survive with our own plantation, but it's not enough; kids started to get sick…" she shook her head troubled by her own story. "I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but stealing the food was our only chance…" she tried to sound pleading.

"From what I heard from Kaoru-san; they don't have problems with supplying their ship before leaving the harbor so there actually are no problems with that…" he assured and watched as she relaxed her shoulders. "Tsunade-sama doesn't like Takami-san; that's why I didn't attack you when I saw you at the ship; she wanted me to dig out the information…" he reassured her again.

"Thank you…" she muttered. "I've tried to talk to him… he doesn't know I am a kunoichi and so far only the guys know I am one…" she explained and Kakashi nodded. "I only want to know these people will have something proper to eat every day. They might be old or sick, but they can develop mall tasks if I could only convince him to give them a simple job, but Takami-san is not a man to reason." She sighed.

"I know… and to be honest I can't believe he actually blew the ship knowing I was inside… He thinks I am dead and before heading for the village I'd like to see what I have here so I can talk to him… Tsunade-sama often believes in small and white extortions…" he creased his eye and Rin actually returned the smile.

"It's good to know you're partly on our side…" she said with a kind look.

"You should probably go to sleep… After tonight's events it is better for now." He said as he stood to help her up extending his hand down; she took it and gave a soft squeeze to pull her body up.

"I should show you where you'll be sleeping…" she muttered when she came to stand close to his chest; her cheeks burning.

"I can always ask Rai-san later… I still need to do something else…" he mumbled while he regarded her blushing nose.

"Right… I'll tell him to tell you then as soon as you're ready…" she said taking a step back in awkward steps.

He nodded with a small smile behind the mask; ever so impassively he tucked his hands deep in his pockets and watched as she kept walking backwards tripping over her own feet a few times and even bumping on the table…

"Good night, Rin…" he said when she was about to step out the dining room.

"Good night… Kakashi." She smiled over her shoulder and then walked into the hallway to her bedroom.

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**How was it?**

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	10. Reasoning

**Just one review... lol ok... thank you anyway Urashike, much love for you too lol! i hope you enjoy this chapter...**

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**9**

**~ Reasoning ~**

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**~ Everything used to fade into darkness... everything... but you... ~**

…

"_Kakashi!" he looked over to where Gai was standing holding up his drink. "Are you even listening to me?" he seemed angered._

_Under the table he felt as Rin kicked him softly; he turned to look at her, but her face remained impassive and giving Gai her whole attention._

"_You know he never listens!" Anko said waving a hand dismissingly. Gai crossed his arms over his chest totally bothered by his rival's actions._

"_Here's to you, Gai-kun! I wish you a happy birthday!" Rin held up her drink and Gai's attention diverted from the silver haired ANBU._

"_Thank you, Rin-chan!" Gai exclaimed as the rest raised their drinks and clunk them together._

_After that, Gai started to chat amusedly with Izumo and Kotetsu and partially forgot about Kakashi's indifference to his celebration; Rin sipped at her drink and sighed loudly._

"_I don't mind, but you should probably try to show more emotion with your other friends…" she said regarding her friend with a grimace._

_Kakashi shrugged not caring about it…_

"_If they're friends they should be used by now and accept me for whom I am…" he stared at her impassively, but her small smile told him that she actually knew he was amused by her advice._

_He shook his head and shifted uncomfortably turning fully to her and giving an exasperated sigh careful that the others wouldn't notice… he started to talk in whispers._

"_Why do you do that?" he demanded staring at her with a frown. Rin laughed quietly and sipped at her drink again returning her eyes to the rest of the gang, but keeping her voice low so he could hear her._

"_Do what? What do you mean?" she asked him while she nodded in response to something Gai was saying._

"_To look at me! As if you know something I ignore about myself!" he whispered harshly mimicking her actions and turning to meet the rest of their friends._

"_Hmm?" she mused with a small smile regarding her drink…_

"_What?" He asked with a bit of apprehension. _

"_Could it be, Kakashi?" she asked with a girlish innocent voice; she turned to look at him with a mischievous smile… "Could it be that I know something about you that you ignore?" _

_He stared at her with confusion and swallowed trying to figure out what she meant; her eyes definitely told about a secret._

_After a while of staring she simply giggled…_

"_You're so naïve sometimes…" she returned her eyes to the party. "Don't worry, even if I knew something I wouldn't tell…"_

_Kakashi kept his eyes on her profile, but in the end returned to the party as well._

…

Kakashi slowly opened his eyes and stared at the foreign ceiling; he was calm and serene… he felt at peace as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders making him lighter.

He sighed and stood from his mattress; his eyes went to the opened window and soft cold breeze coming through it… he could hear the noise coming from the kitchen and people walking around; children laughing and adults talking with each other…

Somehow it relaxed him… he frowned… It relaxed him because he felt complemented and not bitterly alone. Waking up to a house full of people was something he realized he enjoyed.

Last night had been a bit uncomfortable for him; somehow he had realized that everything he had felt for Rin years ago was still alive and had been sleeping inside him only to be awakened if he ever saw her again…

Of course thinking she had been dead he had been surprised by the rush of emotions in his head; it wasn't unpleasant, but he felt scared… it was just like thirteen years ago; his own feeling for her scared him to death and ever so lightly that same old sense of betrayal was there too; Obito…

He sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose; he had to focus on the mission and the situation at hand.

It wasn't a difficult situation and if he was lucky enough he'd be back to Konoha at the end of this week… last night he had gone to fetch his things from the inn and he had checked up on the place in a silent way…

Mostly women and some disabled men… but mostly kids… young kids and teens…

His eyes drifted to a sliding door on the back of his bedroom, last night he had been so tired he hadn't actually looked around his own bedroom; he walked over and slid it open…

His lone eye seemed a bit amused by the sight and the irony of it all… the door led to a backyard and a few meters away there was a cornfield, but what was most amusing was the lone scarecrow in the middle; somehow it reminded him of that trap he had set for Sakura years ago when she had tried to see behind his mask..

He was standing there when the tall cornfield leaves started to shift as if someone was about to come through them; sure enough he saw the person emerging from them…

"I'm not doing this ever again!" he kept quiet while he listened to Rin complaining to someone he couldn't see behind her.

"Why not?" whined a voice behind her; he saw her hair being yanked backwards and a sharp moan of pain coming from her mouth.

"Don't pull my hair, Obito!" she yelled turning as she finally made it out of the cornfield.

"I'm sorry! I almost fell back there…" Kakashi stared down at the young boy.

He had narrowed black eyes with an innocent look and brown spiky hair, his skin was tanned and was a bit too skinny.

"I really hate this morning routine…" Rin complained again; this time when she turned around her eyes fell on Kakashi and she couldn't help but blush; her eyes trying hard to stay on his masked face.

"Hey, old pervert!" the boy yelled angrily pointing a finger at him. Kakashi frowned and cocked his head to a side not understanding.

"Obito!" Rin chastised still wearing a bright blush.

"Go put something on! He's an old pervert Rin-chan!" the boy struggled while she tried to prevent him from attacking the older man.

Kakashi's frown faded just as he remembered he had gone to sleep last night only wearing his boxers and a sleeveless shirt; he couldn't believe he was blushing madly behind the mask even if his lone eye didn't show it… His eye locked on Rin's and he closed the door really slow not showing any of his distress.

"This is a nice way to start…" he mumbled totally abashed by his own actions.

He grunted and raked a hand through his messy silver hair; why was feeling like this?

It was as if anything she did or even thinking about her triggered an emotion within him; he couldn't really remember the last time he had felt so much, but what scared him the most was his inability to actually hide them…

It irked him and stressed him; he was a ninja after all, but he couldn't explain the situation that was taking place inside his mind and body.

The whole day he had spent it avoiding her gaze and the boy's hard glare every time they came across each other. He talked with most people there about the situation and then met along with Kaoru, Rai and Rin to plan something from this point on.

He knew he had to take a drastic method to deal with the man that ruled over the harbor; he wasn't the kind to reason according to everything he had heard over the day.

"I know it wouldn't pose an actual danger for you, but he's got many guards at the state…" Rin said with a serious face while she explained.

Kaoru had map of the tower in front of them while she explained the structure, Rai was there too while he listened and waited for the main course of action, Hana and Mika simply stayed quiet listening.

"To infiltrate is nearly impossible even for me… and whilst I know I am no match for you; I'm afraid it'll be difficult even for you." She smirked when he turned around to counter her comment clearly degrading her own abilities. "I'll obviously go with you…" she added; her eyes returning to the map.

"That's not necessary I am the shinobi after all I don't think it'll be a go-"

"I still have this, Kakashi…" she showed him her headband and he widened his lone eye… "So let's just work together… so far he thinks you're dead and he doesn't know I am the thug… I can easily go in there without much trouble." She explained.

"He's warned everyone… even if the ship exploded and they never got any news about you, he still thinks you to be alive." Kaoru sighed.

"Well he's not that stupid, I mean sure he knows shinobi are on another level…" Rai added.

"But if Rin's seen there and she had to fight for whatever the reason is she'll risk her own job and staying here…" Hana said quipping in for the first time with a bewildered expression.

"It wouldn't mind…" Rin shook her head. "I think… This will be the best I can do for you… for this place." She sighed.

"You're saying that as if you're about to die, Rin-chan!" Rai said a bit nervously; Kakashi had to agree with him; why was she saying that and in that tone of voice; so bitter and hopeless.

"No, not dying, but… well; I'll be sure to let you know later…" she smiled over at her friends. "For now we should probably go to sleep and simply rest for tomorrow's plans…" she said with resolution.

Her friends nodded and all of them filed out of the dining room; she walked along behind them with Kakashi by her side checking all the doors to be locked; mostly the ones from the children rooms.

She stopped and Kakashi did the same…

"I'm going to kill that kid…" she growled out as she stared at the opened door; if Kakashi didn't focus he wouldn't have noticed the think slit…

"What is it?" he asked as the rest stopped and looked back.

"Is Obito… he sneaked out again." She took a deep breath. "I'll go and look for him; go to sleep…" she waved her hand turning around.

"I'll go with you…" Kakashi said already following her; she smiled softly making sure he didn't notice.

"Thank you…"

They were outside he pulled his sandals on and watched as she zipped up her boots; he made sure his front bangs covered his face while he regarded her legs with interest and the same betrayal feeling.

"Let's go…" she said and he straightened and followed under the moonlight.

"Where does he go to?" he asked tucking his hands inside his pockets.

"The cornfield… he likes it there; the sound the wind makes as it blows through the leaves…" she shrugged.

"So this morning you were actually looking for him?" he dared to ask not remembering the uncomfortable situation.

"Yes… He's got trouble eating; you need to be all day making sure he eats…" she waved her hand. "I don't know… I'm not sure I am qualified to be a mother you know…" she gave him a distressed look, but he merely chuckled deeply at her whiny voice. "Not funny… I mean it; he doesn't even call me mother…" she rolled her eyes.

"Well, you're not his mother…" he shrugged.

"I know… but sometimes I just wish he'd do it just once…" she made a funny face and he chuckled again. "Stop doing that…" she said shivering and running her hands against her bare arms…

He seemed confused the night was pretty warm…

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"No… You're creeping me out…" she whispered and he frowned not understanding. "How's everyone doing back at the village?" she asked trying to make conversation. "Since the third died I haven't received a single letter… all I know is from gossips and news coming from the fire country…" she added.

"Uh… so I guess you don't know about Asuma's death…" he said in a lowered voice; he stopped as she stopped…

He sighed and regarded her face with pain; she had widened eyes and a gaping mouth; he swallowed hard when he spotted the tears gathering in her brown orbs…

"You can't be serious…" she whispered and let her body fall on her knees; her eyes staring at the ground trying to remember anything about the deceased man, but it was hard and it only made her even sadder. "Asuma-kun…" she whispered crookedly.

Kakashi squatted in front of her and placed hand on her shoulder…

"It's been a while now… and his death was avenged…" he tried to console her.

"I can't even imagine what Kurenai-chan went through…" she sobbed brokenly wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah, it was pretty hard; she's now raising his son…" he smiled tenderly when she looked up at him with surprise… "I'm sure you remember those two were really close…" he chuckled again.

"Right…" she wiped more tears and smiled bitterly at the thought… "Kurenai-chan's a mother now… That's really… I can't picture her with a big belly…" she laughed through her tears.

"Yes, pretty big…" he agreed as he helped her up…

"I can't believe it… What about Gai-kun and the rest?" she asked meeting his eyes and ignoring their closeness.

"He's the same old _youthful_ man…" he chuckled and she laughed along.

He liked her laugh and her smile; it was hard not to stare like an idiot when she was so close.

"Kotetsu and Izumo are still like twins and they work now at the gate post… They haven't changed either always getting in trouble." He explained, but his eyes were glued to her smiling lips.

Maybe she hadn't noticed because she wasn't arguing or flinching away… or berating him for that; or maybe she had but was too embarrassed to actually say about it.

"Anko works alone, but she's the ever sadist woman used to be… She nags me a lot, but I guess you could say it is good naturedly…?" he half asked and half stated; Rin laughed again.

He really should look away, but it was becoming impossible and he was sure he no longer cared if she knew or not.

"I think it is good naturedly, Kakashi… She often said you needed to be nagged so you remembered you were alive…" Rin said.

She was blushing, but he wasn't looking at her face only her lips; she should've said something, but how could she when she was actually longing for what she had wanted since she was eleven years old…?

"Yeah…" he cleared his throat, but his eyes remained in the same spot with the same foggy look. "Shizune-san left with Tsunade-sama years ago and then returned when the latter one was pronounced the fifth Hokage…" he said.

"I am glad she returned… I remember her being very interested in Genma-san, but since he was a bit older we never actually got to hang out with him a lot…" she whispered softly when she realized he was leaning over.

"Genma hasn't changed either… we… we hang out more often now…" Kakashi muttered; he needed to keep the conversation going or else he'd end up doing something stupid.

"I am glad to hear so…" she said softly feeling his breath on her mouth.

Was it only he or she was getting closer? He was about to touch her lips with his; his mind yelling for him to stop, but his chest swelling with emotion…

They both flinched away when a loud splatter noise reached their ears with a loud gasp… Rin was the first to react and she ran over in the direction the noise was heard from… there was a small clearing, a small hill where the scarecrow was perched high and because of the rain from the day there were deep puddles around it.

Obito was lying in one; his front body buried deep… he raised his head up to meet her gaze; his face was caked with mud…

"Please don't kill me, Rin-chan…" he pleaded from the puddle.

She sighed in defeat and unzipped her boots; she pulled her kimono-like dress up and tied it on her sash; her legs covered only by her shorts that barely reached her mid-thigh…

"Didn't I say this morning's was the last time I came to look for you?" she asked while she stepped in the mud-like puddle feeling her legs burying to her knee.

Kakashi stared at the scene with a confusing feeling nestling in his chest… warm and cozy… something prompted him to help when she pulled the boy up from his armpits…

"Here, hand him over…" he said stretching his arms over to her.

The boy stretched his arms over to him and he could've sworn he had lived this before… he placed the kid on the ground next to him smiling at his dirtied form; he turned around and extended his arm out for Rin to grasp… He easily pulled her out of the puddle and chuckled again seeing her muddy legs up to her knees…

"Seriously, Obito, next time I'll let you to dry on the mud see how you feel when the mud dries on your face!" she said loudly and the boy merely pouted.

"Party pooper…"

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**Hope you enjoyed...! :)**


	11. Teamwork

**I'm in a hurry right now so i could not check this for errors, though they always slip... but i truly hope you enjoy!**

**Thanks Shikyo, Urashike and kat1996; i really appreciate your reviews! :)**

**Enjoy!**

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**10**

**~ Teamwork ~**

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**~ I'll always cry for every single word I forgot to tell you... ~**

…

"_Kakashi… just what do you think you're doing?" _

_Kakashi looked up from his current position; he was buried to the waist in mud; he had been training alone at the backyard of their house when suddenly he landed in a puddle…_

_Being only five years old it was still hard to control his chakra, but he never gave up and he wanted to impress his father… make him happy to see how much he had improved since their last training session._

_It had been only a week since his mother died and it was true he missed her badly, but then again he didn't like to see his father so worn and tired with sadness._

"_I was training, but I miscalculated my landing." Kakashi said with a toothy smile; his father's face remained a bit unfazed and a bit confused._

"_And now what will you do? If this was a mission what would you do?" his father asked crossing his arms over his chest._

"_But this is not a mission, dad! Besides maybe this is one of the reasons why five years old are not put into dangerous missions!" the boy retorted from his puddle._

"_Stop being a smartass, Kakashi…" his father squatted in front of him with a kind smile, his voice the same soft murmur he used for almost every situation in life… except a week ago when he had been so angered and sad he had actually yelled._

_Kakashi lowered his eyes to the puddle not really interested on whatever he was lecturing him about; he was more concerned about finding a way to get his father out of his stupor._

_He looked up and saw his father's lips moving while he talked, but he couldn't hear what he was saying…_

"_Dad…?" he interrupted._

_The man seemed a bit surprised, but not angered, only curious._

"_What is it?" Sakumo asked with the same soft tone._

"_I already know you miss mom, but…" Sakumo's features changed from impassive to surprise. "Is there a way for me to help you?" he asked with an innocent look._

_Sakumo stayed quiet regarding his young, but smart son; Kakashi was nothing like the rest; ever since the boy entered the academy, Sakumo realized his son would become the perfect soldier; the perfect shinobi… the epitome of a ninja…_

_His ability to hide his emotions, to remain quiet and serene during distressing situations and danger… But most of all that ability to build shields… Kakashi refrained from getting friends, anything that could be used against him and somehow, Sakumo found it sad…_

"_There's nothing you can do, Kakashi…" he finally answered willing to give his son a lesson about feelings. "I am the father and you are the son; I should be the one helping you…" he smiled down at his boyish face and rustled his hair in affection._

"_I am not suffering…" Kakashi rushed to say, but once he saw his father frown he had to think fast to counter his mistake. "I miss mom…" he simply shrugged not knowing how to explain what he felt._

"_Come here, Kakashi…" his father extended his arms._

_Kakashi lifted his hands to place them on his arms and let him pull his body out of the mud; he was carried at arm's length over to the space they used to wash their clothes… Sakumo sighed as he took the hose and plugged it to the pipe and the turned it on…_

_Kakashi shivered as the cold water washed the sticky mud off his pants and legs; his father chuckling lowly at his mercy… but then he remembered what he wanted to say…_

"_One day you'll be placed in a team, Kakashi…" he said softly. "You'll have a sensei and teammates; and you'll have to trust them with your life… there's no other way to become a good team if you don't trust them… and in the progress of trusting you'll realize those teammates will become your best friends along with your sensei…" Sakumo noticed the light frown on his son's face._

"_What if I don't want to be placed on a team?" he asked and his father laughed again ruffling his unruly silver hair._

"_You must have a team, Kakashi…" he sighed. "It is not the same for everyone, but I truly hope someday you can find what I found in your mother… At your age it is still hard to grasp the idea of what your mother truly represented…" _

_Kakashi listened intently to his words, but not fully comprehending their meaning._

"_If loving someone else liked you loved mom I don't want to find anyone like her…" he muttered under his breath…_

_Sakumo sighed in defeat and kept washing his dirtied clothes…_

"_One day you'll love someone, Kakashi… and you won't be able to do anything to stop it…" he gave the young boy a tired smile…_

_The cold water was suddenly too cold for him to bear, but when he looked down he realized he was no longer at the backyard; he was in what seemed like a swamp… and his father was walking away from him; his long ponytail swaying with the cold air…_

"_Dad…?" he called trying to move his legs to follow, but he was tangled in the mangrove; he looked up with fright. "Dad? Dad, please! Don't leave me behind!" he yelled feeling as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Dad!"_

…

"Dad!" he bolted up in his mattress with a ragged breathing; it had been a while since he had had that nightmare…

"Hey, calm down…" he looked to his side narrowing his eyes to focus in the darkened bedroom and finally made out Rin's face. "It was just a nightmare…" she softly said rubbing a hand up and down his back.

"I…" he swallowed feeling his throat burning. He took a deep intake of air and tried his best to relax… "I'm sorry…" he muttered pressing a hand to his eyes.

"It's okay… Here's some water…" she handed him a glass and he took it with a trembling hand.

She stared as he gulped down the whole glass and sighed in relief…

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he placed the glass down and turned to meet her big brown eyes.

"I was checking on Obito…" she smiled. "I heard you… I heard you talking and…" she shrugged not sure if she even needed to say more…" she retracted her hand from his back and he frowned not liking the feeling, but refrained from voicing it out. "Are you feeling alright, Kakashi?" she asked worriedly when he didn't answer.

"I'm fine." He curtly replied. "Just a nightmare… it wouldn't be the first…" he sighed in defeat.

"I know that feeling…" she lowered her eyes to the ground. "There's still one more hour for you to rest before we should head to the state… Why don't you go back and try to sleep…? I'll wake you up when it is time…" she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry… I won't be able to fall back asleep again; I never do…" his eyes glued to his lap.

"Would you like me to bring you some tea?" she asked in a much softer tone.

"No, it's alright…" he chuckled lowly and watched as she shivered; he had meant to ask her about it the other time, but he got distracted… "Are you cold?" he looked up at her and watched the dark shadow over her nose and cheeks.

"No, no…" she waved her hand. "Is just…"

"I'm freaking you out?" he questioned with another low chuckle and watched as she flinched and the shadow over her nose deepened; now he didn't have to guess… it definitely was a blush…

"I-I should probably go to sleep…" she made to stood, but he grabbed her forearm and heard her gasp.

He stared at her for only a few seconds in the dark and then let her arm go; he gave her a small crease…

"Good night, Rin… I'll see you in an hour or so…" he whispered.

She nodded and stood sharply to leave the room that wasn't hers…

…

Kakashi was at the moment regarding the large view under him; the harbor packed with fishermen and women carrying baskets filled with fish… Everyone working hard in order to keep the Daimyo happy…

He was glad the plan wasn't that much of a difficult task to follow; it could almost be posed as no plan at all, but Rin had insisted on following certain points; like none of her friends involving in the matter.

She was supposed to get to the office with Kaoru guiding her there; she'd have a chat with Takami-san explaining their situation once again and asking for food to be send to the outskirts… the man would clearly deny any help and then Kakashi would come in and make a threat… it was easier like that; he knew how much help the Tea Country had received from Konoha and so he was risking not only his safety, but the Fishing Village's and the Tea Field's.

He was used to deal with bad leaders, people who liked to exploit their own fellow habitants… He'd make sure that the man wouldn't forget about him and his threat; besides he had Tsunade-sama behind him to support the fright he'd infuse.

He placed the communication device on his ear and waited… soon enough he heard Rin's voice.

"I'm about to enter his office… you should be near…" she suggested in a hushed tone and he smiled remembering the times when they'd go on missions together… He unconsciously laughed in a hushed low tone and jumped down to the window pane ready to burst in anytime soon.

Rin blushed as she heard him laugh, but kept quiet as Kaoru opened the door to the office and then closed it as she stepped out giving one last glance at her friend.

Takami stood from his chair regarding her with hard eyes; his guard kept his hard stare on her and she merely sighed.

"Rin-san… I thought I wouldn't see you around here ever again…" he said in a harsh tone; for a moment Rin thought he knew she was the thug, but he simply smirked. "I haven't seen you in a while after all…" he added and she nodded.

"Takami-san… You know why I am here…" she muttered giving him her best glare.

"I do and you already know the answer so… Why do you even bother to come?" he asked with a boring stance.

She gritted her teeth together and tightened her fists at each side of her hips… and when she looked up she saw Kakashi squatting just behind the Daimyo on the windowsill… She was surprised because she was supposed to call him when the time was right; he seemed angered too by the answer the old man gave her.

She watched with rapt attention as he lifted his headband and opened his sharingan to stare at the guard who was oblivious to his presence…

"You should reconsider your choice, Takami-san…" he said in a calmed tone; both men turned to the intruder with wide eyes.

The guard soon was unconscious on the floor after Kakashi placed him in a genjutsu; his glare directed to the Daimyo…

"Konoha is a very pacific Village, but its Hokage often likes to meddle on the weaker behalf…" he said returning to his impassive face and enjoying the annoyance in the man's face.

"You're supposed to be dead!" he yelled pointing a finger to the silver haired jounin.

"Am I?" Kakashi asked with a boring face. "Ah, you mean after the ship's explosion…" he said making the man fume with anger. "I can always tell the Hokage about that little slip of yours… You wanted to kill me." He stated watching the fear stricken face.

"I'll kill you!" the man said angrily.

"Why would you succeed this time?" Kakashi dared to taunt watching as Rin glared at him for the unnecessary speech. "Anyway…" he returned his eyes to the man and pulled out a scroll. "This is your best option if you want to avoid any conflicts with Konoha…" the smile behind the mask, only made Takami angrier.

"Is that a threat?" he asked with a smirk…

"It can be a treaty… it can be a threat… I don't care; you can see it however you want… Just keep in mind it can also be a promise…" Kakashi warned with his impassive look; this time Takami actually fell silent.

"What is this about?" he asked as he turned around to see Rin standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You have an unarmed and a beautiful country, Takami-san…" she took a step forward. "I've only asked for your help sending food because they need it… as a governor it is your duty to help the weak… they're not useless as you deem them to be." She said with a clipped tone.

"The treaty is quite clear; here…" Kakashi said placing the scroll on the desk and watching as the man flopped down on his chair in fear of the shinobi.

Takami looked down at the paper and read through it; it was a simple task… something easy to comply with; to send enough food every two weeks so they could live well at the manor at the outskirts; while the people there would take care of their own plantation and the needed jobs tending each other… He only had to send food…

"That's it?" he asked not believing.

"That's it…" Rin nodded.

"By doing this I'll avoid a conflict with Konoha and keep the harmony here?" he asked and this Kakashi interfered.

"Please keep in mind we'll know if you're exploiting the villagers and then you'll be in trouble…" his eyes narrowed and the man huffed in defeat.

"Of course I'll sing this… but I want your former job to be done; take care of the thugs; get them out of here…" the man said and eyed Rin suspiciously.

"Deal!" she agreed before Kakashi could negotiate.

"Rin…" he whispered a bit confused by her decision.

"I'll be gone, but keep in mind that if you don't follow your word on the treaty you'll have bigger problems than a simple kunoichi robbing your ships…" she snarled and watched as he gritted his teeth together.

"You and your son… I want you both out of here!" the man snapped; Kakashi brought his hand up to grab his collar, but Rin was faster and prevented him from doing so.

"We will… Now sign…" she said and the man glared before he pressed his seal and wrote his signature next to it.

…

Kakashi walked along with Rin to the outskirts as he clutched the scroll tight in his hand; this was his proof for Tsunade that the mission was nothing like she thought it'd be…

But while he walked with her he thought about the outcome of things; he hadn't asked her about it because he didn't know if she'd like his idea of her coming back to the village, but what were her options now that she was banned from the Tea Country?

He was confused because he could've achieved a treaty for her staying here, but she talked too soon and he couldn't do a thing about it…

"Why did you do it?" he asked regarding her out of the corner of his eye while she kept her face straight.

She heaved a sigh; she knew what he was asking her about…

"I have good friends here… I guess you could say I did it so I could have a good reason to leave without them arguing over it…?" she gave him a smile, but he remembered that smile… it was a fake smile.

"No… That's not it." He added unfazed by her answer; she sighed again.

"I want to go back, Kakashi… I've been debating over the best way to go back to the village for years now… You being here and you being the one to find me gave me enough courage to pull this…" she answered truthfully. "I want to see Kurenai-chan, Anko-chan and Shizune-chan… Kotetsu-kun, Izumo-kun, Gai-kun and Genma-san… I want to meet your students… I want to see my hometown again…" she whispered.

"Then you should prepare… I'm guessing Kurenai will break down and cry along with Shizune, but Anko will probably berate you… while for the guys I think they'll be simply ecstatic…" he gave a small smile; trying hard to hide the huge happiness welling in his chest.

"I know, but I really want to be there…" she smiled and then stopped.

Kakashi noticed and stopped a bit ahead of her regarding her with confusion; she was fidgeting and had a faint blush over her nose…

"Most of all I really… I really want to be with you again…" she muttered softly not meeting his eyes.

Kakashi felt his face getting hotter and smiled behind the mask; he felt like a teenager; a stupid one at that…

"Yes… I've missed you too, Rin…"

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**Please remember to leave a review if you enjoyed! :D see ya in two days max!**


	12. Friends

**Thanks a lot for the reviews i am so busy these days, but i really hope i can keep updating so often, please keep up with me... :)**

**Thanks again and i hope you enjoy this chapter...**

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**11**

**~ Friends ~**

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**~ I remember the day you walked by... suddenly there was a heart beating inside me... ~**

…

"_Kakashi Hatake." He answered back to the girl that had just asked his name; she was staring at him with big brown eyes a bit curious about the mask covering his face._

"_Do you want to hang out with me and Obito?" she asked softly not able to conceal the curiosity the mask provoked._

"_I don't want to hang out with him, Rin-chan!" Obito complained loudly. "Besides we already promised Kurenai-chan and Shizune-chan we'll see them!" the dark haired boy complained while Rin smiled sheepishly. _

_Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the boy…_

"_I don't want to hang out with you either!" he retorted back; hoping the boy would react, but he simply glared back._

"_See, Rin-chan? Let's go…" he tried to pull Rin with him, but she stopped him with a hard look._

"_We should get along! After lunch they'll announce the teams and then we'll have to work together; it is best if we all get along…" she pleaded with her eyes for Obito to understand and the boy sighed in defeat._

"_Whatever… just hurry up, Gai said he had a cool new outfit he wanted to show me!" Obito grinned and took off running to the place where they'd meet…_

_Rin sighed with a small smile watching as he ran away; not noticing the way Kakashi glared at her._

"_He's ridiculous with those goggles…" Kakashi said sounding downright pissed and bitter; Rin grimaced at his tone._

"_Obito-kun is a really nice person… You should give him a chance; come on, I'll introduce you to rest of the guys…" she said leading the way over to the meeting place._

_Upon arriving Kakashi couldn't help but grimace at the amount of people there all of them talking at the same time and laughing; he couldn't understand a word they were saying, but he took his time to observe and categorize them all…_

_For example; the first one he noticed was the superbly moronic guy dressed in a green jumpsuit with a bowl haircut; great way to disguise; he stood out like sore thumb and it infuriated Kakashi; just hearing him speaking loudly about how awesome it was to finally join a team made Kakashi's skin crawl; he prayed he was not teamed with him…_

_Of course there was the second in line; the ridiculous idiot wearing those orange goggles as if they were the latest fashion; he seemed so annoying and loud Kakashi begged once again he wasn't paired with him._

_Of course he knew the Sarutobi heir; the tall and tanned boy with a lazy attitude; he didn't dislike him, but if he had to choose he'd prefer to work alone; he was sucking on a lollipop and talking amicably with a girl… One of the things he disliked about Asuma Sarutobi was his indifference and the fact that the guy was one year older than them and seemed so carefree about it…_

_The girl he was talking to had bright red eyes and disheveled hair; she seemed nice enough but a bit bossy, he had seen her before in classes and she liked to answer everything… a nagging know-it-all… bothersome; of course he prayed not to be teamed with her._

_There was a seemingly shy girl with short dark hair and big black eyes; she was laughing behind her hand while some other kid talked to her; he remembered her; she was the nephew from Tsunade-hime's boyfriend… she was okay he guessed though if he had to choose again; he'd prefer to be alone… _

_Then he noticed the three annoying kids; he knew they were two years younger and couldn't understand what they were doing there, but he knew how much those two nagged, so much he could remember their names; Izumo and Kotetsu… and now the purple haired devil… he despised Anko…_

_She was always making fun of him; he longed to hurt her badly so she'd stop bothering him, but even as good as he was, he feared Orochimaru-sama and he was well known to keep an eye on the girl; she bluffed over that and he wanted to only rip her head off!_

"_Guys! This is Hatake Kakashi-kun…" he heard as the Rin girl introduced him and he was immediately greeted by their silence as they looked him over._

_Obito rolled his eyes and Anko smirked as if she was planning her next prank on him…_

"_We know, Rin-chan… He's the top of the class!" Asuma snorted not surprised by his own statement._

"_Well if that's true then it means you're standing between me and the first place! I shall dare you!" Gai yelled pointing a finger at him and Kakashi narrowed one eye at his laughable statement._

"_Oh just quit with that, Gai! Why don't you have lunch with us?" Kurenai asked with a big smile._

_Kakashi watched as Asuma cleared his throat and leaned over the table as if to cut some contact with him and the girl…_

"_Yeah! Let's see what's behind the mask, _Kakashi-chan_!" he glared daggers at Anko as she smiled with a sneaky glint in her eyes._

"_Yeah! What's behind the mask?" Obito cut in with arms crossed over his chest._

_He suddenly realized all of them were staring at his mask with curious eyes; he frowned not liking their stares and when he looked up to where Anko was standing he saw her stifling her laughter…_

"_I knew I'll find enough help, _Kakashi-chan_!" she mouthed and he grunted._

"_Stay away from me!" Kakashi yelled as Gai, Obito, Izumo and Kotetsu approached him with a malicious grin. But then they stopped as they looked with wide eyes at something behind him; he turned around and found a man standing there…_

_He seemed bored to death and simply biting down on a senbon…_

"_Hmm… Come now, you're supposed to get your new teams now…" he said boringly looking down and sharing a quick look with Kakashi._

"_Shiranui-san!" Shizune jumped and ran to him with a wide smile bumping on Kakashi and sending him against Rin who blushed as he pushed her a bit._

"_I'm sorry, but your friends are nuts!" Kakashi whispered harshly._

"_I know, but that's more fun, isn't it?" she asked awkwardly as she fought down the blush…_

_Kakashi stared at her with an incredulous look… Of course if her friends were this crazy, surely she was just as much…_

"_You're weird…" he mumbled and turned to walk behind Genma…_

…

That had been the first time he had noticed her after two years of being in the same class with the rest of the zoo, she never actually stood out to him… she never seemed strong enough for him to admire, smart enough for him to acknowledge, pretty enough for him to notice…

He looked as she sat down at the table with a cup of tea in her hands the rest of her friends were sitting along with them chatting happily about the outcome of the matters…

His eyes roamed her face slowly; she wasn't a gorgeous woman… he had met most beautiful and appealing girls in his life, but Rin had something about the way she projected herself that dragged him in…

He guessed that he had noticed her emotions and personality first and then he took his time to realize she was pretty; with her perky nose and big brown eyes; her long though simple brown hair; full lips and rounded face…

Rin was the kind of girl you wouldn't really notice on the street, but someone you'd love to have as a friend and when you came to know her better you'd hate yourself for taking her as a friend… Obito hadn't been that stupid… then again Kakashi had never been looking for someone to love.

When had it been that Kakashi noticed he had feelings for her?

He sighed not knowing the answer… Rin looked up from her cup and regarded him with a curious look; he gave her a small smile behind the mask.

"I have something to tell you all…" she said and the soft murmur of people talking around the table quieted as they looked at their friend with curious eyes.

Kakashi could already guess Kaoru knew what this was about because she was clearly sad and thoughtful.

"One of the conditions for you to receive the food every two weeks and enough help to keep this place going was that the thugs needed to be banned…" she explained watching as Mika; Rai's younger sister, frowned.

"Lucky for us, since Takami-san didn't know it was you…" Rai quipped immediately trying to quiet her down, not wanting to hear it.

"He learned once he saw me with Kakashi…" she locked her eyes on Rai's and watched as he frowned; not liking how her explanation sounded.

"Rin-san…" Hana breathed out and finally flopped down on a chair with heavy shoulders.

"I am sorry, but I must leave this country…" Kakashi watched as she lowered her eyes to the table. "I'll go to Konoha; you all know that's my hometown and… and to be honest I feel like I should go back now…" she looked up at them and smiled; a true smile that reached their hearts.

"Have you talked about this with Obito-kun?" Rai asked not liking the outcome, but knowing there was little he could do to stop her.

"No… I'm planning on tonight… Everything happened so soon." She whispered softly.

Kakashi frowned; that meant she hadn't planned on leaving this place, or maybe she had thought about it, but just as a fleeting possibility.

It made him thought; what if she was only feeling pressured about his presence; sure he missed her and all, but he wouldn't force her to… no… he would…

He pressed a hand to his eyes not understanding the feeling welling in his chest… he would force her to return… but why, after so long and thinking her to be dead why would he have to feel like this…?

"I'll talk to him now… I'd like to leave tomorrow morning…" he didn't look up, but heard her as she stood up from the chair and her footsteps as she walked away.

"You better take good care of her…" Rai muttered with his arms crossed over his chest; Kakashi gave him a fleeting glance; unfazed by the threatening tone of his words.

It was something dark… something he hadn't felt ever, but just hearing the way the other man threatened him he felt the sensation growing stronger within him… he stood from the table not saying a word and stomped out of the dining room.

Rin walked over to the bedroom Obito shared with other kids, but spotted him just outside, closing the door slowly as if not to make any sound; she crossed her arms over her chest and scowled; when he turned around he merely sighed.

"I'm sorry…" he murmured and she sighed.

"Come here, I need to talk to you…" she said taking his hand in hers and leading him over to her bedroom.

Once inside she closed the door and sat on the wooden floors regarding him with a bit of apprehension.

"Obito… I might have to leave this land…" she said and he looked up with surprised eyes. "You see; Kakashi is an old friend of mine and I used to live in the same village he lives in…" she trailed off, wanting to explain the circumstances. Obit was a smart kid.

"When you say you might leave this land… you mean _we_ might have to leave this land, right?" he said with a hopeful expression in his eyes.

Rin had explained before that she wasn't his mother, but that she truly loved him; she had met their parents and he had grown fond of her; he didn't seem that surprised when he learned that she was not his mother, but he often wondered why she was taking care of him…

"I mean… you wouldn't leave me behind… right?" he asked with a more nervous tone this time.

"Obito…" She was not a mother… she was merely a nanny and it was hard for her to understand the kid's feelings.

She was a kunoichi and following the rules and the path of the shinobi she knew there was little she could impose; she had lived alone for a great deal of time back in Konoha and she was not particularly upset about it; just like she had; Obit had a right to choose if he wanted to come with her or if he wanted to stay…

"I'm saying that I am the one that must leave, but you can decide if you want to come with me or stay here with the rest of the kids and Rai-san, Kaoru, Mika and Hana…" she added.

Obito lowered his eyes to the wooden floors as if thinking hard about his options, but unknown to Rin he was simply trying to understand why she wasn't saying she wanted him to come…

"But if you could choose… If you could either take me with you or leave me here; what would you say?" he asked with his childish voice.

Rin grimaced at the thought, but of course she wanted to take him with her; it was the best way to keep an eye on him just like his mother had asked of her.

"Of course I'd love to take you with me, Obito…" she added with a small smile and was pleased when he grinned wide.

"Then there's nothing to think about! I am going with you, Rin!" he said and jumped on her arms as she hugged him tightly.

She giggled a bit and hugged him for all she was worth; there was a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach and she couldn't think straight…

Outside their bedroom; Kakashi remained silent while he listened to their conversation; his hands deep in his pockets and his lone eye glued to the wooden floors behind him; her voice had taken a saddened tone, but he knew she was better now; of course he had seen the way she related with the kid…

She was not a mother… nothing she did was motherly-like, she was more like an old sister, like a nanny… nothing like a mother and again the same dark feeling crept inside him giving him a satisfied feeling…

That night he spent it tossing and turning in his mattress; of course he was happy she was finally coming home after such a long time; but he was somehow scared… something about the circumstances now.

They were not as younger and the feelings were not as lighter as they used to be… years of suppression and sleeping fantasies were now as strong as the good old days.

When she had said that she wanted to be with him; what had she meant?

Once again he turned around and grunted in a distressed manner, his hand pressing over his eyes feeling a bit lost as to what to do… What was he supposed to do once they got there?

Sure there was that feeling of oldness that prompted him to work fast… He had spent 23 years of his life in such a lonesome environment that he could barely keep the anxiety of finally having her home; there was a burning sensation flaming inside that screamed for him to simply take her and kiss her…

Another grunt, another toss and the ruffling of sheets…

He could already guess how everyone was to react upon seeing her back and alive, but he could barely guess how he would react once she was back at Konoha… There were so many possible outcomes for them… so many possible scenarios for him to act upon and so many emotions raging inside.

An old and painful thought came to mind; every time he thought of her in an improper way; Obito's face would appear to make him feel utterly bad… he was betraying an old friend…

"I'm supposed to protect her… but I'm not sure if I can protect her from this…" with his hand dangling loosely over his forehead and his eyes straying to the ceiling he sighed feeling the beating of his heart through the shirt. "I wish you could answer me…" he whispered to the nothing and felt the soft breeze blowing; he frowned not remembering the window being opened.

He stood from the mattress and walked over to the window; the curtains blowing softly; he could've sworn he closed the windowsill when he came in…

The moon was shining over the cornfield casting lonely and nostalgic shadows over the scarecrow; he noticed the light rain… barely seen and not heard… the wind blowing the leaves and he could now understand why the little Obito liked the sound; it was relaxing…

He didn't remember how much time he spent there, but when he opened his eyes he was greeting the first rays of the sun as they pierced the night and the moon disappeared once again… The cold breeze of the morning blew against the scarecrow and it almost seemed as if he was trying to free himself from the post to run after her…

His normally unfazed look faded as the sun appeared behind the scarecrow and a lone crow appeared out of nowhere and placed on the scarecrow's shoulder… The bird flapped his wings for a moment and then it almost seemed as if it was staring at Kakashi… the crow's red right eye almost looking at him with curiosity…

"Obito…"

His whispered voice was dragged along to the cornfield by the wind and then just as soon as it appeared; the crow was gone…

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**Sorry for any errors i could check this one either... i don't think i'll be able to check them from now on, lol but i promise i'll try...**

**Maybe i'll upload on thursday! thank you!**


	13. Together

**Thanks to Urashike and Shikyo for your reviews... :) I'm sorry for the tardiness! Fanfiction wouldn't let me upload it! lol sorry really**

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**~ Together ~**

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**~ It is never complicated to the rest when it is complicated for you... ~**

…

"_Kakashi Hatake…" The sensei at the front of the classroom spoke. "Rin and Obito Uchiha…" _

_Kakashi frowned when he didn't hear the girl's last name, but then he guessed she didn't have a clan or a family it was an old custom of some clans to neglect their last name if the lacked more than two members…_

_It made him think about it, but didn't last long when he realized he had been placed in the same team that the ridiculous goggle's guy, but not only that… Said idiot was nothing else than an Uchiha…_

_He almost snorted in amusement; he thought all the Uchiha's were geniuses of some sort, but no; if that boy had the Uchiha's last name then it meant that Kakashi had been admiring the Uchiha clan for nothing._

"_Please reunite with your teammates and head out to meet your sensei… You're supposed to meet him outside the academy; he already knows who you are…" The teacher added and watched as the kids stood from their seats._

_Kakashi walked briskly to the door and waited for Rin and Obito… upon arriving he noticed Obito was fuming with anger, but he ignored his childish antics better focusing on the wide grin the girl was giving him._

"_It's good to see you again and so soon, Kakashi-kun!" she smiled._

"_Great…" Obito mumbled._

"_Let's go… I don't approve of tardiness…" he haughtily replied with his hand deep in his pockets; with a smirk behind the mask he walked ahead while he listened to Obito's complaints to Rin._

"I don't approve of tardiness…" _Obito mocked and Kakashi scowled when he heard Rin giggling._

"_Obito, don't be like that… let's all get along, okay?" she muttered softly, but Kakashi didn't like the idea one bit._

_They walked outside along with him and noticed the Fourth Hokage standing casually against a wall with a small smile as he spotted them…_

"_Look, Rin! Is the Hokage-sama!" Obito pointed and ran over to the blonde man; Kakashi couldn't help but be interested and surprised too as he walked behind his teammates._

"_Hokage-sama!" Rin bowed totally elated by his presence; her wide brown eyes reflected her emotions accurately._

_Kakashi bowed too, but refused to open his mouth to say something as useless as his title; he simply worshiped the man with his gaze…_

"_How are you doing?" he asked as he approached them._

"_We were just given our teams!" Obito exclaimed and then Kakashi noticed as Rin's smile faded with a questioning look._

"_What are you doing here, Hokage-sama?" she dared to ask._

_Minato smiled down at them and patted her head softly._

"_You're all really young…" he said regarding them all. "I really enjoy when kids like you call me Hokage, but I guess you'll have to settle for Minato-sensei from now on…" he said._

_Kakashi's eyes widened unable to hide his excitement, Rin felt her knees wobble but she kept her ground while giving him a wide grin… Obito couldn't help, but scream in joy._

"_How utterly cool is that?" he yelled making Minato chuckle at his funny antics. "Did you hear, Rin-chan? The Hokage will be our sensei!" he said grabbing her shoulders and shaking her; she laughed along._

_Kakashi stared at them both with an unconscious smile behind the mask, but they never noticed… after a moment in which he realized they weren't noticing him he turned to look up at his new sensei and found his blue eyes smiling down at him…_

"_You are Hatake Kakashi, right?" Minato asked and Kakashi gave a soft nod. "I hope we all can get along…" he said; this time Kakashi seemed to realize that Rin's words were for the better…_

_He looked over at his new teammates and his sensei; Rin kept smiling at him, just like his sensei, but Obito kept glaring at him… Kakashi saw something in that glare; something that clearly told him Obito disliked him, yes, but he considered him a rival… and it amused Kakashi… he returned the glare with a small smirk behind the mask…_

_His father had been right after all… Someday he'd be placed in a team… that day; was today._

…

Kakashi was standing at the Tea Country's entrance with Obito; both of them wearing the same expression of _'Dear lord, so many tears…'_

Rin was having a hard time saying bye to all of them, but making sure they understood why she was leaving and that they could come to Konoha and visit whenever they wanted.

They shared at least a thousand hugs and more tears; they gave her advices and tried to console her fears of returning; they laughed a bit and then Mika finally burst out in tears saying how much she'd miss her; being the youngest of the gang she had taken a liking to Rin…

Rin hugged her tightly and then finally took a few steps backwards to stand between Obito and Kakashi… she waved at them and then the men did the same.

Finally after an exhausting farewell they started their walk back to the village… the weather was nice enough to keep a fast pace even with Obito; he might be young, but Rin had tried her best to teach him how to keep up with her.

Kakashi was satisfied with the boy, but that didn't mean he was used to have him talking so bloody much and he figured Rin knew how bothered he was because she kept giggling.

"So, what do you think, Hatake-san?" Obito asked while he jumped from tree branch to tree branch following the older man.

"Obito you should keep your mouth shut while you run… You'll tire easier if you keep talking that much." Kakashi advised with his softer tone though he could tell the kid felt annoyed by the comment.

"I guess since you're an old man you tire easily…" the boy shrugged making Kakashi glare his way, but his attention was dragged to Rin who was muffling her laughter with her hands.

"You too, Rin, will catch gripes if you keep laughing…" he said rather annoyed, but unable to deflate the happiness swelling in his chest.

"She'll be fine; she's really good… I am more worried about you…" Obito said quirking an eyebrow; Kakashi returned his glare to the boy. "Anyway, Hatake-san you didn't answer my question…" he said with a frown.

"I wasn't really listening to what you were saying…" Kakashi replied nonchalantly.

"It's good to know you're not into multitasking…" he smartly replied, Rin snorted as she heard his loud grunt. "I was asking you about the Ninja Academy… Can I go there and then be placed in a team?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't know… I guess it's a possibility." Kakashi said casually with an unfazed face, but the boy simply kept daydreaming about the academy.

"I am really good with the shuriken and the kunai, Rin-chan taught me!" he smiled at the man forgetting about their previous argument. "Maybe you could teach me how I can get a red eye like yours; that's cool!" he said overly enthusiastic.

Kakashi glanced quickly over at Rin who was smiling bitterly while she ran through the trees. He sighed; maybe this would be harder than he thought…

"You cannot get a red eye like mine, Obito… It is something you are born with…" Kakashi did his best to explain him, but the boy seemed incredulous.

"But you have a scar…" he said smartly and Kakashi sighed in defeat.

"Mine was a gift from an old friend… before he died he gave it to me." He said and the boy hummed as if finally everything made sense.

"Did it hurt?" he asked with a grimace and this Kakashi did laugh at his question.

"Yeah… a whole lot, but Rin is a really talented doctor." He said and watched as the boy's eyes suddenly widened.

"Rin-chan? What does she have to do with it?" he asked and Kakashi shared a quick look with her.

"Uh… Well, she was the one to transplant the eye from my friend to me." He said.

"Really, Rin-chan?" Obito turned to her with an incredulous look and a wide grin of pride.

She nodded with a small smile and before either adult could do a thing Obito missed a step and fell to the ground; luckily they weren't too high and he merely sprained an ankle and hurt his wrist.

Kakashi stared while she bandaged his wounded limbs and lectured him about his carelessness; sometimes she did look like a mother… but he reminded himself that she wasn't.

Somehow the darkening feeling in his chest now had a name… which he was thankful for; after hours and hours of thinking about it he had finally come to the realization that he was actually jealous… jealous of shadows in her past, jealous of the kid that got to have her while he was mourning her fake death.

Knowing that he was jealous made it easier to cope with when he was alone, but in these kinds of cases when she was openly caring with the boy he found it hard to simply stare in a good nature.

Of course he had been jealous in the past when Obito proclaimed his love for her every single time, but somehow he knew he couldn't do a thing about him… If anything, being jealous of Obito was his punishment for not noticing first and as noble as he had been, Kakashi took that punishment gladly.

His love life was limited by all his perceptions of life and love and what a ninja should be… meaning that he scarcely counted anything he had had as a relationship… he poured his entire feelings inside the novels he read and fantasized about the illusion of love, but never truly gave himself the chance to escalate from a kiss… a touch.

Sentimentally speaking he feared getting into a relationship… Just like the perfect soldier Kakashi lived through other's lives and learned from their mistakes… at least when it came to love he could say he took in account every single relationship he had seen…

His father loving his mother and then watching as he suffered from her death…

Tsunade's own tragic love life; her chances to love again and the way she had neglected it only because she was scared…

Asuma and Kurenai's relationship; ending in a bloodbath and a fatherless child with a depressed mother.

Then again an all too familiar tale; Naruto running after Sakura, while she ran after Sasuke and he ran after the ghosts of his past that prevented him from loving…

What if he ended in something with Rin?

What if he died?

He'd cause her so much pain she'd barely endure it and it would all be his fault… He loved her and that same feeling prohibited him from doing anything that might cause her any kind of pain…

Love was nothing but the signature on a lost cause… It feeds off sadness and in the end leaves just like it came…

The night fell on them and Obito fell asleep just as soon as they settled the camp; Rin sat next to him in front of the improvised fire and ate a cup of ramen with him.

Her brown orbs kept scanning his masked face for any sort of clue as to what was going on in his mind, but he seemed to be simply thoughtful; maybe he was worried about her arrival, maybe he was scared of what would come once she was there.

She was worried too; she had said she wanted to be with him again, but her words were filled with the same unrequited feeling from years ago… Could he finally return those feelings or was he expecting her to be just a friend…?

"So what are your expectations?" he asked as if reading her mind; for only a moment she thought he was talking about their relationship, but she pushed the thought aside remembering he was too noble and reserved to actually voice a question so forward.

"I… I guess it'll be hard to explain…" she said thinking about the possibilities that awaited her in Konoha.

Kakashi turned to look at her with curious eyes, but he was a bit annoyed by her comment…

"No one will ask for an explanation, Rin…" he said in a dark murmur and she felt a shiver running down her spine; she really needed to stop feeling like a kid… "I am the only one who deserves an explanation and since I already know it, no one will ask about it…" he whispered again.

"I guess you're right…" she mumbled in the same whispery tone; her brown eyes gazing into his lone black eye as the fire played shadows on his handsome face; she couldn't help but blush and swallow thickly… "You're still mad at me…" she stated in a soft murmur; her eyes unconsciously traveling to his masked lips.

"Not mad…" he replied with a strained voice; when her brown orbs lowered to his lips he felt the air choking in his lungs. It was hard to concentrate on something else when she was so close. "I am simply resentful…" he said not taking his eye off her face while she gave a soft nod.

"I guess it won't matter how many times I say I am sorry… or how many times I say I missed you… There are things we won't ever forget, right?" her tone got stronger and somehow he knew she was hinting at something else…

Knowing her and supposing she still resented her unrequited feeling, that something else was obviously the fact that he would not ever forget about Obito loving her… That was the biggest wall separating them both.

"I guess you're right…" he said not knowing how to answer and like many times before he ended up being an ass in front of her.

Why it was that Rin made him such an idiot? He tried to be calm and composed, but every time she appeared it was as if he was turned into an idiot…

Her eyes returned to his lone one while she enjoyed the deep emotions playing in it; so easy to see the feelings now…

For a moment their stare got so heavy, Kakashi thought the air was thickening out of her glare, but then just as fast she turned her brown gaze to the fire and kept eating her noodles…

"I'll keep a watch…" he stood from the fire and jumped to the treetops without a word…

In the shadows he kept his gaze on her for a while… at least while she finished her meal and then went to lie down next to Obito.

He could feel it there, the pressure… the frustration of knowing they both shared the same feeling, but the knowledge that they both knew it was wrong to act upon them… their sense of loyalty to their deceased friend was even bigger than the love they felt.

Kakashi sighed and buried his face in his hands in a very unusual way for him, but he was tired… tired of the last three years of his life, but mostly tired of never doing anything to get what he wanted.

Sure he was a ninja… the epitome of a soldier, but he was a man too… a human being with emotions and feelings, needs and dreams…

So engrossed he had been in his role as a ninja that he hadn't noticed her big brown eyes staring at him with love… so distracted by the weapon he was to become he forgot to shut down his heart… and when he did it; he realized there was something else making it beat…

He grunted softly trying to remember the time when he realized, Rin could be more than a simple teammate… trying to remember the time when he realized she could be a friend...

Raking a hand through his silver locks he stared up at the sky; why was it so hard to remember?

It came so easy in his dreams, but when he was awake it was as if something prevented him from remembering such old memories…

Sometimes he wondered if up there in the sky Obito was keeping an eye on them… Was Minato-sensei trying to guide them?

He sighed deflated… he knew he needed some sort of help… divine help to keep his emotions in check and stop him from doing something stupid…

Something he might not regret, but something he thought was wrong…

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**So they're finally on their way back to the village! lol i hope you enjoyed, please leave a review if you did. :)**

**I'll see you on saturday i hope...**


	14. Home

**Thank you Shikyo for being a constant reviewer; i totally appreciate it beacuse mostly for you and Urashike i am not taking this off lol i just tend to think people doesn't like it, but i keep seeing you there, so... thank you and Urashike and Kat1996.**

**Yeather and Sorrow of the heart; please keep rooting for me that i'll keep writing for you! :) I have to say that when i planned the story i really though of sad and bitter plot, but Kakashi being at the top 3 of my favorite character from Naruto prevented me from writing an overly tragic one... i hope you enjoy this chapter as well! :)**

**On with the reading and if you enjoy, please leave a review; i know i need them... ;)**

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**13**

**~ Home ~**

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**~ I was hurting; even if I was surrounded by friends... I was always lonely... ~**

…

"_Kakashi-kun! Here!" Kakashi turned as he tried to calm his breathing; he soon spotted Rin; she was waving her hand at him with a smile; he didn't know if he should trust her, but it was worth the chance when he heard Anko yelling not far away from him._

_He ran over to Rin and watched as she pointed to a small gate that was very well hidden behind some bushes; she pushed and the door opened; Kakashi look behind him, but didn't catch sight of any of the idiots that were following him since midmorning._

_He entered through the bushes and let his frame fall on the grass as he tried to calm his ragged breathing._

_He saw as Rin peeked through a small slit; she was amused he could tell, but even if she was betraying her friends she seemed happy to help him. He stood and dusted his clothes; she turned to him and faintly blushed._

"_Why did you help me?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest and watching as she blushed even more. "I am no showing you my face just because you helped me…" he said haughtily and she sighed._

"_I am your teammate, Kakashi-kun… I am helping you out because we are teammates…" she said. "Besides, I think that I'll get to see beneath the mask someday…" she wiggled her eyebrows at him and he couldn't explain why his face felt hot._

"_Not if I can help it!" He retorted._

_She giggled and then simply sat against the gate to wait for the group of kids to leave the surrounding area… Kakashi sat next to her with a sigh…_

_A few minutes went by with them in utter silence and he started to feel uncomfortable; she simply kept a small smile on her face, but he felt weird… so he tried something he had never done before… strike a conversation._

"_So… You…" he said fidgeting awkwardly and not looking at her, but he felt her flinching as he called her name. "Where do you live?" he asked not knowing what else to ask._

"_I… I live at the… Shinobi building…" she said awkwardly. Kakashi found it interesting and turned to meet her brown gaze._

"_What happened with your family?" he asked careless about her feelings though she didn't seem mad about it._

"_I don't know I never met my mom or my dad… Though The Third told me my parents came from another village…I don't remember that much…" she scratched her markings on her face._

"_I think those are clan's marks… Who knows? You might even come from a great clan from another village…" he shrugged._

"_I highly doubt so; I am not particularly good at fighting or with genjutsu…" she said lowering her gaze._

"_Though you've been taught to heal with chakra… that's really useful." He didn't know why he was trying to make her feel better, but somehow he enjoyed the smile she gave him in return._

"_Thank you very much, Kakashi-kun…" she said in a soft voice._

"_Hmm…" he nodded; it was the first time someone was grateful to him for his praising; mostly because this was the first time he praised someone else; it felt good and it made him want to trust in this girl… "What do you say about calling me just Kakashi… no suffixes…? I never actually liked to use them." He said and watched as she widened her eyes._

"_Can I simply call you Kakashi?" she asked bewildered by his suggestion._

"_Yeah, I mean you already said that we are teammates and sure enough we'll get closer with time, so what's the point of using suffixes; it'll be easier with just our names…" he said._

_Her expression deflated; he didn't know that would be the first time of many other in which he'd pop her illusions…_

"_Okay… I just have a condition, then…" she said a bit angered, but not fully showing it. "You are to call me Rin… Not 'you' or 'she' or 'that girl'… much less things like 'my teammate'…" she said crossing her arms over her chest._

_Kakashi felt his cheeks getting hot and he mimicked her actions with shame because he knew he had done that ever since they met…_

"_Okay then… Rin…" he said and lowered his gaze not comprehending why he felt so hot on his neck and face._

"_Thank you… Kakashi…"_

…

Kakashi stopped a few steps ahead of her and turned to see her staring with wide eyes and pale cheeks at the tall gates that led to the Village; he thought she might faint from the sight and Obito stared too while he kept his arms around Kakashi's neck.

Over the way the kid had been so tired he asked Rin to carry him on his shoulders; he wasn't heavy at all, but being the eternal gentleman, Kakashi offered his help with the measly task.

"Rin-chan?" the boy called not comprehending her fear-stricken face, but Kakashi knew too well she was close to panic.

"Are you okay?" he asked lifting a curious eyebrow at her and she only took a deep breath before walking with wobbly legs to him trying to shield the village from her view with his wide back…

"Just… walk ahead… I'll be just behind…" She stammered nervously; he chuckled touched by her childishness, but did as she asked.

The gates grew closer and when he finally stepped inside, he too had to take a deep breath… just a few steps away from where he was standing he spotted the entrance post, but an unusual view greeted him…

Sure Anko loved hanging out with the two idiots, but she scarcely visited them while they worked here; they were laughing hard at some kind of anecdote she was telling…

He felt Rin tugging at his green vest with nervousness and with a long sigh he made his way over to them… they soon noticed…

"Kakashi!" Anko yelled saluting with her mischievous smirk and a military hand, her pale brownish gaze filled with mischief. "I heard you just have a small vacation at the Tea Country! You lazy ass!" she laughed hard while Izumo chuckled lowly.

"How was your mission, Kakashi-san?" Kotetsu asked with a smile while he held a file ready to extend it at the jounin to sign.

"It was…most revealing to say the least…" Kakashi answered feeling the panic attack that Rin was having behind him.

"Yeah! What's with the kid?" Anko approached and he instinctively took a step back worrying about the woman behind him.

"Not just 'kid'! I have a name, miss!" Obito yelled and Anko smirked at the daring boy.

"Sorry squirt, but I didn't catch it!" she crossed her arms over her chest and waited patiently.

She felt as Izumo walked beside but his eyes were assessing the other pair of legs behind Kakashi; he noticed the black high boots and the maroon stockings.

"Obito!" The three pair of eyes jumped to the boy's face and then to Kakashi's only to see him, heaving a long sigh…

He shifted around still keeping Rin out their view and let Obito's feet hit the ground while Anko simply swallowed hard at the boy's name…

"I think you should greet them…" Kakashi muttered softly; while he gave them his back assessing Rin's condition.

Before he could do a thing he felt Anko's hand on his shoulder yanking him out of the way; mostly she wanted to berate him for the kid…

"What the hell is this about you big id-"

Kakashi was roughly pushed aside and he watched as Rin's eyes collided with Anko's gaze… there was a moment of silence in which three pairs of eyes widened to a plate's extent and all mouths slacked off…

Rin was already crying as she locked eyes with her old friends… she was only slightly shorter than Anko…

The younger woman was simply gaping while Rin's eyes looked her over watching the changes…

"A-Anko-chan has become such a beautiful woman…" Rin said with a smile and then a sob raked her body.

Kakashi watched as Anko's features changed and her face suddenly contorted in a grimace of pure pain; he had never thought she'd be the kind to cry, but as tears gathered at the corners of her eyes he had to guess Anko was human too.

She flung her arms around Rin and cried loudly on her shoulder; while Rin returned the hug with a silent sobbing…

He stood off to the side while he watched both of them; Izumo approached him followed by Kotetsu… both of them were pale and speechless.

"Is- Is t-that…" he didn't get to finish the question…

"Rin!" Anko kept sobbing on her shoulder tightening her hold on the older woman. "How's this possible?" she sobbed and the men sighed watching the scene.

"Where did you find her, Kakashi-san?" Izumo asked not taking his eyes off… "I thought she…"

"Was dead? I thought so too…" Kakashi said scratching his cheek in confusion; he didn't need to explain and he hoped they wouldn't ask. "She's been living in the Tea Country for a while… that's a long story, Izumo…" he turned to look down at the slightly shorter man.

"Right and I won't ask about it, Kakashi-san… Do not worry about me… mostly Anko will cause some sort of trouble…" he sniggered with a kind smile as he glanced at the long lost friend.

"It is nostalgic…" Kotetsu added and both of them grinned wider when Anko separated from her and Rin's eyes fell on them.

"Izumo-kun, Kotetsu-kun…" she approached them slowly with her eyes filled with tears, next to her Anko was still wiping tears. "You too have grown so much… nothing like the eighteen year olds trouble makers…" she smiled through a sob and they gave her a quick hug each.

"It's good to see you're alive…" Kotetsu joked receiving a kick on his shin from Anko. "Hey!" he complained.

"You idiot! You don't have to say it!" Anko yelled with closed eyes and tight fists.

Rin had to smile despite of the situation; she could still remember how Anko was the one to order these two around and by the looks of it they were still like that, it didn't matter if both of them were at least a head taller than her; she was still the boss… She giggled behind her hand…

Anko blushed and turned to her with a sheepish look; Izumo sighed while Kotetsu kept his glare at the purple haired witch.

"You haven't changed, after all…" Rin said softly until she felt a tug at her short kimono and when she looked down she was greeted by two black slits glaring at her. "Oh! I am really sorry, Obito!" she apologized to the boy.

"Whatever, who are these people?" the young boy asked waving his hand at her apologies.

She squatted in front of him ignoring the confused looks coming from her friends; they were trying to figure out who the boy was. Rin looked up at the trio and then smiled widely at them.

"This is Obito… He's my son…" she explained; Anko's knees wobbled and strangely enough all of them turned to Kakashi with a questioning look. He felt his face getting hot behind the mask and Rin was quickly standing in front of them to clear the misunderstanding.

"No! That's not it!" she yelled, but Anko's eyes kept locked on Kakashi's widened one.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Anko? Obito is seven years old if you haven't noticed and Rin left thirteen years ago!" he didn't know why his voice raised so loud at the end, but it surprised the adults even more to see him so flustered.

"Hmm… Well… he could pass as your son, Kakashi… He's got brown hair like Rin's and his eyes and black and narrow like yours… what a big coincidence!" Anko said sticking out her tongue to the hard blushing adults.

Kakashi was fighting down his blush and somehow old feelings returned… his hatred and dislike towards Anko… Rin had done it again; making him feel things that he thought had died along with her, Obito and Minato-sensei…

A few minutes later he found himself in the Hokage's office with Rin and Obito; of course Anko had excused herself for a while; he knew she was out to get the rest of the gang… surprisingly enough Shizune wasn't there either, but he knew Anko would find her.

"So… it was a mission…" Tsunade said with a saddened look and lowered eyes after she heard Rin's story. "I'm trying to make sure these kinds of missions are forbidden from now on… you wouldn't be the first but I hope you'll be the last we found in this dire situation, Rin-chan…" Tsunade stood from her chair with a small smile. "Shizune will be happy to see you…"

Her voice was drowned with the noisy chatter when the door was thrown open and in walked Anko followed by Izumo and Kotetsu who kept laughing. Tsunade sighed and flopped down on her chair while they all paraded inside her office. Kurenai had little Yuki in her arms and kept a hard glare at Kotetsu while she complained about his intrusion. Gai was chatting amicably with Genma as they walked in.

"Tsunade-sama! What's the meaning of this?" Shizune asked totally confused by the whole gang walking in.

Tsunade presented with her hand the newcomer and Shizune's eyes traveled towards the woman standing next to Kakashi…

Kurenai's eyes followed her glance and then all of them were staring at the old friend while Anko kept smirking in sufficiency as if it all had been her doing.

Everything went as he had anticipated; Kurenai and Shizune had ended up crying mercilessly with Rin while Anko stood to the side holding Yuki in her arms. Gai shed a few tears and took his time talking about how marvelous friendship was; no one actually heard him… Kakashi stood to the side next to Obito who kept sighing every time a sob reached their ears.

Genma approached him silently and placed a friendly hand on his shoulder making him turn in surprise.

"How's this for a birthday present, Kakashi?" he asked with a smile.

Kakashi smiled behind the mask and after directing a glance towards her, seeing her damp cheeks and puffy but happy eyes he nodded.

"I'd say this was the best present I ever received…" he muttered softly.

He didn't know what they had been talking about until the whole gang turned to face him and Obito with curious eyes.

"Your son, Rin?" Shizune questioned.

_Not again…_

Kakashi scratched the back of his head as everyone glanced down at the boy and then back up at him…

"Hmm…?" Kurenai hummed with a thoughtful expression.

"No, he's not my son…" Kakashi said through gritted teeth and they all burst out laughing while he and Rin shared the same flustered look.

"Oh, Kakashi!" suddenly Tsunade quipped in walking over to him and smiling with kindness. Everyone kept chatting away... "Sakura will be back tomorrow I already told her about you and this small 'vacation' and she said she'd be back to run a checkup…" she explained and he sighed in despair; he hated checkups even if Sakura simplified them for him. "Naruto and Sasuke were on a mission and they'll probably be back tomorrow too…" she said.

While the two of them talked; Rin listened intently to what the hokage was saying; she longed to meet Minato-sensei's son and the rest of the team Kakashi had taught too…

"By the way… I've just remembered we have a bit of a problem with rooms and flats; you already know; since the Akatsuki and all we've had troubles building enough place for people…" she said with a business tone. "Would it be fine if you room with Rin-san and her son for a while?" she asked.

Kakashi's eyes widened upon hearing her suggestion and he faintly thought of declining, but a quick look to where all their friends were talking with her nonstop prevented him from doing so; Rin's wide eyes locked with his and he knew she'd heard what the Hokage had suggested…

How could he deny the suggestion now that she knew…?

How could he deny it when he liked the idea…?

How could he accept it when he knew it could end up wrong…?

"Of course, Tsunade-sama…"

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**So? How was it? i hope you enjoyed and if you did, please leave a review...**

**I'll see you on tuesday though hopefully monday! :)**

**This story will probably 21 or 22 chapter no more than 25 lol**

**See ya weasels!**


	15. Life

**Yeather; here's your chapter on monday lol i hope you truly enjoy this one and thanks again for reviewing. :)**

**Thanks Shikyo i am happy you enjoyed it! :)**

**Sorrow of the heart; thanks for reviewing i hope you enjoy this chapter as well and hopefully you'll leave another review! ;) see you!**

**Urashike; thank you so much for taking your time to review both chapter i really hope you'll like this chapter!**

**On with the reading...**

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**14**

**~ Life ~**

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**~ Life's not the same if you're not there; the reason I want to live for... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…" The silver haired turned around to face his male teammate and his sensei, both of them had their arms crossed over their chests, though Minato-sensei was smiling and Obito kept his glare in place._

"_What is it?" he questioned._

"_Rin's birthday is tomorrow… We'll go around and look for presents…" Obito dragged on probably because he didn't want the boy to come with them._

"_You should get something for her since she gave you a nice present for your birthday…" Minato pressed on and Kakashi grimaced behind the mask._

_Minato-sensei was right; Rin had gotten him an expensive looking red scarf; too long for him to use, but she said it'll be handy in cold times… it was a bit interesting to him that he was an exact month older than her, but he couldn't explain why it made him feel as if they had something in common…_

_He never paid attention to measly things like that, but he was quite pleased when they had asked when her birthday was and she had smiled widely saying it was only a month after his…_

"_Right…" he murmured and decided to go along with a grinning sensei and a pouting mate._

_It was almost 5 in the afternoon and after walking around for three hours Kakashi still lacked a present for her; everything he looked at seemed stupid… sure he could get her a scarf and be out of the problem, but he had been too late when Obito appeared with one…_

_It was maroon and had some kind of embroidery; it was simply beautiful and he cursed himself because Obito had seen it first…_

"_Maybe you should just say you didn't found anything for her…" Obito suggested with an evil grin; Kakashi paid him no mind while he looked through a window and stared at the assortment of useless things displayed there…_

_Minato came to stand next to him with crossed arms and a satisfied smile; it had been one of his many purposes to get Kakashi to like more of his teammates… it was amusing to see the socially numb boy try to compensate her for her present._

"_Why are you taking so long, Kakashi?" Minato asked while he held a book under his arm; Medical Emergencies… As a sensei of course he'd give her something like that; Kakashi grunted in displeasure. _

"_I just don't know what she likes… everything looks the same for me…" he mumbled wanting to give up on the task; maybe he'd tell her what Obito suggested…_

"_Hmm… Obito; you've known Rin for a longer time… What kind of things does she likes?" Minato asked the dark haired boy; Kakashi kept his gaze down feeling a bit humiliated and not knowing why._

"_Why should I help him?" Obito complained loudly._

"_Because he is your teammate… We all know how much you love Rin; it is okay to help out Kakashi once in a while; he knows you love her…" Minato said placing a hand over Kakashi's shoulder not missing the way the boy stiffened in discomfort…_

"_Yeah! You better keep that in mind!" Obito said with a wide grin and a blush tainting his cheeks. "Rin likes these kinds of things!" he held up the scarf. "Handmade things… and she loves color maroon… She likes tulips and though her ears are not perforated she likes earrings…" he said crossing his arms over his chest with satisfaction._

_Kakashi kept quiet while he listened to Obito's speech about Rin's likes and dislikes… Why? Why did he felt so compressed, so angered about it? Why did it bother him so much that Obito knew all this and the only thing he could cherish about her was their little hiding a few months back…? _

_His black eyes closed in Obito's face glaring at him with pure anger… but once he noticed his wide grin while Minato-sensei asked something related to the subject, Kakashi felt his anger fading and now replacing for a sense of admiration… _

_With wide eyes he realized he had taken a liking to Rin… and then he realized he had been stupid enough to think he could prevent it from happening; just like his father once told him… he liked Rin, but Obito had seen her first…_

_With the ability of a prominent soldier; his summarizing skills quickly concluded that it didn't matter how much he liked Rin… Obito had seen her first and thus any affection she might ever show should be only for the dark haired boy… In other words; Rin was out of reach… she was Obito's…_

_With that thought in mind and knowing that now that he had set his own boundaries and rules he could be able to cope with his team, Kakashi took the closest thing on the shelf and paid for it not caring if it was among the likes Obito had explained…_

_It was a simple silver bracelet with a little maroon stone dangling from it…_

"_She doesn't like bracelets!" Obito had quipped, but Kakashi ignored him… true to his words; he had never seen Rin wearing the bracelet… but he didn't care; he was being a good teammate and a good boy; it was for Obito's greater good._

…

Kakashi opened his eyes wide and stared at a familiar ceiling above; the stains from humidity welcomed him home and then again it was a foreign place to sleep at… his living room, the small couch.

With a sigh and a lazy hand over his chest and one behind his head he relished in the memory; the first time he had realized he had feelings for Rin…

Yesterday had been kind of chaotic; everyone insisted on going out or gather in a house and in the end they went to Kurenai's place and drank for a while; Yuki and Obito seemed to get along well not minding the age gap, but then it had gotten late and once again he was left to carry the boy on his back to his apartment…

He offered his bed to her and the kid; saying tomorrow he'd clean the other room he had; it was small and sometimes he forgot he had it, but it could work for either of them…

It hadn't been as awkward; then again he guessed Rin wouldn't like to make him uncomfortable in his own house…

Upon entering his house for the first time in a while last night he had to guess that Tsunade had sent someone over to clean, which he was grateful for because it would've been more embarrassing than it already was. He looked over at the clock hanging on the front wall and read 5 o'clock… the sun was barely rising.

After stretching the muscles of his back he stood from the couch leaving the mess of sheets there and walked over to the bathroom; he came out after a minute or so and since the door to his bedroom was open he decided to peek…

A long sigh escaped him as he regarded the scene; Rin had never been particularly graceful… her long hair was a mass of brown and he couldn't even see her face; her body was half on the bed and half hanging off a side while Obit slept with his head over her back; her arm dangling off to the floor just like her leg… he felt his face getting hot while his sleepy eyes roamed her bare appendage.

With a quiet cough he looked away and walked over to the kitchen… he would be a good host while they were here; he did what he never did when he lived alone; prepared a good amount of coffee and then a nice enough breakfast… if he remembered well she liked miso for breakfast which was a bit disgusting for him, but who was he to judge her likes…

An hour later he had everything set on the small table thinking he might have overdone it with the toasts and the other food… but he decided to call for her…

He entered the bedroom ignoring the fact that she was in the same position… he squatted in front of her, assuming he was facing her face, but curiously removing the hair; he finally spotted her closed eyes…

"Oi… Rin, breakfast's ready…" he called softly and watched as she blearily opened one eye to look at him. "Good morning…" he added with a small smile behind the mask.

He regarded her as she focused better with both eyes and raising her head only a bit; her hair falling on each side of her round face; he tried not to look in awe and when she finally was able to focus him, she jumped back making Obito roll down her back complaining loudly.

She pulled the sheets to cover her clothed body… What was she thinking?

Kakashi was amused by her reaction, but refrained from laughing at her scared face; she was now blushing hard and that was his cue to retreat…

"Sorry… Breakfast's ready…" he said to her and walked out of the bedroom closing the door behind him and taking a moment to regain his straying thoughts.

He walked over to the table, but a loud knocking prevented him from advancing… Maybe Anko wanted to nag a bit more… maybe they all wanted to nag them more… With a heavy sigh he walked over to the door and opened wide…

He had been wrong…

"Kakashi-sensei! Happy Birthday! I am sorry I wasn't here for it, but maybe we can go later and have lunch together!" He stared in amazement at the trio standing just outside his bedroom; Sakura was quickly apologizing while next to her Naruto and Sasuke held bags with food. "We brought you breakfast!" she smiled and pushed him aside to enter the small flat.

He felt Naruto's hand patting his shoulder, but he was speechless as the blonde grinned at him…

"Happy Birthday, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said in his raspy voice as he entered.

Sasuke merely gave him a smirk and made his way inside the flat following his teammates to the small table.

"Oh? Could it be you knew we were coming, sensei?" Sakura asked as she regarded the set table before her with narrowed eyes.

With a loud and troubled sigh he closed the door and turned to them willing to explain before the situation could turn into a mass on nonsense… and misunderstandings.

"How was your mission, anyway, sensei?" Naruto ignored Sakura's remark and simply went to sit on a chair followed by Sasuke.

Kakashi couldn't speak; why now?

"Sensei you've been drinking too much and to be honest I was worried about you being on a mission after so long… but I am glad you did well…" Sakura spoke while she prepared the missing plate and took out more food.

"Everything is fine…" he managed to say while Sasuke kept his narrowed eyes on his mismatched gaze.

"Somehow it is suspicious…" Naruto added mirroring the narrowed eyes, but before he or Sasuke could elaborate on the matter they both stiffened their backs when the door behind their sensei opened and out walked a woman.

Kakashi didn't even turn to see, the sudden blush that was tainting Sasuke's and Naruto's cheeks told him that this situation would turn into a mass of confusion and misunderstandings.

Since Sakura was turned she missed the newcomer, but Naruto and Sasuke were shifting from the woman that was currently tying her long hair and the man they knew as their emotionless sensei…

"I'm sorry I took so long I was just…" Rin's words died in her lips as she stared at the three visitors… her eyes quickly realized who was Naruto... and her eyes softened.

Sakura spun around so fast her hair flew along and her wide green eyes widened like plates; her cheeks blushing furiously, but upon seeing the woman she felt a bit of happiness surging through her; could it be Kakashi-sensei had finally found someone?

Rin pulled at her long shirt a bit flustered because of her appearance…

"Right… This is Rin and she'll be staying with me for a while…" Kakashi introduced the girl to the blushing trio.

It downed on her that she was a woman, she was in a man's apartment, she was wearing pajamas and she was exiting his bedroom in the morning… it was all a huge misunderstanding…

She was about to say something when Obito walked around her with sleepy eyes rubbing the sleep off them. Their reactions were immediate; Sasuke simply flinched as if he had seen something horrible. Naruto let his mouth fall open and Sakura placed a hand on her hammering chest.

Their eyes jumping from the kid, to the woman and finally their sensei… He could do nothing else but sigh…

"This is Obito-kun… Her son…" he added.

"Right…" Sakura muttered after a while narrowing her eyes at her sensei while Naruto and Sasuke waited patiently for the shock to ebb away. "Are we interrupting something, Kakashi-sensei?" she asked with a light tone regarding both adults with narrowed green eyes.

"I am sorry! Not at all; I am Kakashi's former teammate… I just came back yesterday and I don't have a place to stay so we are crashing here with him… for a while… I hope…" she blushed madly and Sakura simply nodded her head.

"So will you and Obito-kun be joining us for breakfast?" Sakura asked lightly.

"Actually you will be the ones joining us for breakfast, Sakura… Thank you…" Kakashi walked begrudgingly over to where she was still fixing more food and glared.

"Kakashi-sensei is she the girl in the photo with you?" she whispered softly and he stiffened upon hearing her.

"Yeah…" he breathed out… Sakura placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a kind smile.

"I am happy for you, sensei…" she said and with that she turned to have breakfast.

The next hour he spent it explaining the circumstances to the team; telling about his latest mission and hearing while Naruto and Sasuke resumed their own with exaggerated bits from Naruto to impress Sakura… that's what he assumed…

Then they changed the subject to Rin and Kakashi's relationship when they were younger hearing some anecdotes and tales form the past while Kakashi kept his eyes glued to the table in embarrassment.

Obito would laugh along prompting the youngsters to laugh with him and make Kakashi blush under his mask.

"Ne, Rin-san…" Naruto quipped after she told the story of how the hid together to avoid the group that were out to get him to see what was beneath the mask. "Have you ever seen Kakashi-sensei's face?" he asked with wide blue eyes; Sakura nodded interested.

"When we were younger we tried to pull it down, but we failed…" she pouted childishly and Rin exchanged a look with Kakashi; she was clearly enjoying breakfast, but he seemed deep in thought with a forlorn smile as he remembered the time.

"Hn… I didn't fail; I just thought it was useless to keep it up…" Sasuke said relaxed against his chair. Sakura and Naruto rolled their eyes.

"We all failed… as a team, Sasuke-jerk!" Naruto mocked watching the deep glare Sasuke directed at him.

Anticipating a fight Rin quipped in with a wide smile.

"I've seen his face a couple of times before…" she admitted and watched as their mouths fell open with surprise.

"How's he like?" Sakura asked.

"Does he have big teeth?" Naruto asked with an eager look.

"What about fat lips?" Sasuke dared to ask in his monotone voice.

Rin stared at them and then laughed hard watching as Obito regarded the mask with curious eyes.

"No, nothing like that…" she giggled and pinched Obito's cheek. "You cannot see beneath the mask unless you're almost dying, right, Kakashi?" she asked him and he sighed feeling cornered.

"Almost dying…?" Naruto questioned. "I don't think so; I've been on the verge of dying countless of times and Kakashi-sensei never showed me his face…" he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Is he handsome?" Sakura ignored him and leaned over to Rin who suddenly blushed.

"Sakura-chan, of course he's not handsome!" Naruto complained.

"He's an old pervert!" Obito added nodding his head eagerly to make the pink haired woman forget about the older man.

Kakashi sighed louder when all of them laughed and the handsome subject lied forgotten in their heads; gladly.

"Anyway, don't you have anything to do?" Kakashi stood from his seat and walked over to place his plate at the sink. "Why don't you go and change and I take you out for a walk, Obito?" he lightly asked the boy wanting nothing more than to have a good reason to leave this house… leave his team and his… friend.

"Actually… You have a checkup today sensei…" Sakura said in a sing-song voice.

"Ah right… Sorry, Obito, we'll go out some other time…" he said turning to meet him. "You can go over to Kurenai's or Anko's… I think Shizune's busy… I'll… I'll be back later…" he said with a bitter tone while he headed for his bedroom to grab some clothes…

Obito pouted and Rin simply stared at his retreating back… Sakura stayed behind to help her clean and Naruto and Sasuke literally fled from the flat…

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**Hope you enjoyed... the next chapter will be a bit more... M-rated lol i hope to see you on thursday but hopefully wednesday! If you enjoyed leave a review please... :) See ya, weasels!**


	16. Love

**Thanks for the amazing reviews!**

**Elanor; i am glad you decided to give this story a chance and i am glad you liked it so far as well as the plot i had the idea for a while now, but it was always kind of hard to keep Kakashi in character so i rewrote it like five times until i decided to upload it... I have to say that english is not my mother tongue either; so it's okay for you to say that you like my writing style lol... i hope you enjoy this chapter as well! :)**

**Shikyo; I'm sorry if this wasn't earlier enough lol i've been busy, but i always find time to write, hopefully you'll like this chapter as well, please enjoy!**

**Yeather; here's you M-rated chapter... lol no... actually i said a BIT M-rated... lol i don't know how you call this kind of situation, but i hope you enjoy it anyway... lol :)**

**Sorrow of the heart; i always read the reviews and they all made me smile or think about a way to improve the story; i didn't have enough time to answer in Dreams very often because those were too many, but this story has so few i actually feel like i can do that much for you... Thank you for reading this story and i hope you'll enjoy this chaper as well... :D**

**REMEMBER TO LEAVE A REVIEW IF YOU ENJOY! :D**

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**15**

**~ Love ~**

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**~ Next thing I knew; I couldn't stop myself from loving you... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…" Minato-sensei called his name while he stood watching Obito and Rin training off to the side._

_His sensei hadn't missed the hard glare on his dark eyes, but he couldn't understand what bothered him so much about the training session so he decided to talk with him about it; Kakashi turned to look up at him with a questioning gaze._

"_Come here…" Minato patted the space of earth next to him and Kakashi walked slowly to him and sat facing the training pair._

"_What is it, sensei?" he asked in his usual monotone voice._

"_Is something bothering you?" Minato asked him softly not taking his blue eyes off the pair a few meters away from them._

_Kakashi frowned in displeasure; he couldn't explain it himself or mostly he could, but it was too embarrassing to talk about it; what would he say?_

'_I think I might like Rin too much for Obito's liking…' yeah; as if! It had been a year since they were placed in the same team and he couldn't still cope with these weird feelings Rin provoked deep within him._

_Kakashi tried his best to formulate a proper answer for his sensei; knowing he was mostly waiting for an answer._

"_Is he mocking her with those useless attacks?" he wondered aloud and Minato couldn't help his surprise because of the amount of resentment his voice held._

"_Why would Obito mock her? He loves her… mostly I think he's giving her the upper hand…" Minato smiled sweetly; obviously Kakashi didn't know what being in love did to a man…_

"_Well… it is as if he's mocking her. He deems her weak enough to mock her; he's stronger than that and probably much stronger than her…" Kakashi spat angrily._

"_It is because he knows he's much stronger than her that he's willing to give her the upper hand…" Minato smiled._

"_It won't do any good to her training… In a real battle she won't get the enemy to give her the upper hand…" he growled out; Minato softened his features._

"_I'm pretty sure Rin knows he's doing it on purpose, Kakashi. That's why she never asks you to help her out with her training; she doesn't need a beating; she needs practice…" Minato explained and watched in amusement as Kakashi's eyes widened._

_It was still hard for him to understand, but he guessed this situation could be explained only with the feelings he had deep inside… Not so long ago when he was still in the academy everyone looked the same for him; boys and girls, both of them were soldiers and nothing more; they had no gender…_

_Ever since he noticed Rin was a girl and he was a boy things changed… it was as if everything was much clearer now; the different treatment…_

"_It is called chivalry… Some women don't like it, but… it is good to know the meaning behind the word. Rin is a girl Kakashi and she will someday become a woman and women are the most valuable treasure us men, can ever dream of…" Minato said and watched again as the boy scowled in confusion._

"_Like a special way to treat them? Why? Aren't we all the same?" he asked angrily._

"_In a way, but I still like to notice the difference. Girls are still not as strong as us men… at least not physically speaking, but they are way smarter. They can somehow succeed at everything we can do… they'll find a way around it to success while we are bound to fail in their field; that's why they receive a different training…" Minato said._

_Years believing men and women were the same… the academy taught him to think they were made out of the same iron, but then again it was a flaw in the system; if they were the same why did they have different training….?_

"_Do you like Rin, Kakashi?" he asked and Kakashi turned to look at him with surprised eyes. "Do you like her as a girl?" the older man asked._

_Kakashi fought down his blush and then returned his dark gaze to the pair._

"_It wouldn't matter if I liked her… Obito saw her first…" he said._

"_And that'd be your first mistake into treating girls differently, Kakashi…" the man smiled down at him and Kakashi frowned. "Rin is not some kind of object displayed for boys' selection… She is a human, just like you are; and that's when you need to keep in mind we are all the same… We are all human beings…" Minato said once again._

_Finally Kakashi was starting to understand more about the way he was feeling; it was normal he felt what he felt and then again he was sure he couldn't get Rin… she was somehow Obito's to love a cherish._

"_Yes… I like Rin… as a girl…"_

…

Kakashi woke up with a start after the dream… the living room was dark and silent; he could only hear his breathing and the ticking of the clock on the front wall; he tugged down his mask to breathe better and closed his eyes; he felt lighter and somehow he felt better about the whole ordeal.

The day had been tiring after going to the checkup he had returned and spent the afternoon alone knowing Rin was off to visit Kurenai with Obito; he felt lonelier than ever before and instead of going out to look for them he had stayed behind on his couch doing nothing but missing the noise they made.

She had returned overly tired along with Obito and both of them went to sleep earlier than he had anticipated; he looked up at the clock and saw the hour; 2 o'clock; how he wished he had a novel to read, but in all honesty he knew he wouldn't pay attention to what he was reading.

He sat on the couch supporting his elbows on his knees and his hands holding his face while he tried to calm his ragged breathing and nerves. He didn't even felt the presence approaching him until the space next to him shifted and he turned with wide mismatched eyes.

He stared at Rin in the darkened bedroom; the small amount of light coming from the window over the sink in the kitchenette, illuminated her face and gave her a soft glow he had only read about in novels.

"Are you alright?" she said softly watching his stiff shoulders; her eyes went to his neck and with a slow approach she tugged at the mask and made to pull it up but he grasped her wrists with his hands.

She froze in place and looked up at him with big brown eyes trying not to show her surprise; Kakashi had never been a physical man, much less an affectionate one, but here he was grabbing her wrists with his bared hands.

He took a deep breath not caring she was seeing his face and watching the emotions playing in it; he closed his eyes for a moment trying not to stare at her beautiful face.

"Just a dream…" he said turning around and returning to his position leaving her with the illusion of something more once again.

"A dream… or a memory?" she dared to ask and smiled tenderly when he looked at her over his shoulder with a narrowed red eye.

He stared at her for a few seconds before letting his frame against the back of the couch and heaving a long sigh…

"A memory… Once I talked with Minato-sensei…" he said with a forlorn look remembering the words his sensei said about boys and girls.

"Was it a good memory?" she asked worriedly shifting her position so she sat facing him letting her elbow rest on the back of the couch while her hand supported her chin.

"Yeah…" he breathed out feeling as a small smile tugged at his lips.

"You seemed a bit restless that's why I came to check on you…" she explained lowering her eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked hopefully, but he simply chuckled lowly watching as the skin of her bared legs got goose bumps and he focused his gaze there.

"Not really…" it was true; he didn't want to talk about; he mostly wanted to act upon it… and with a thick swallow he did something he hadn't done in a long time; he dared to show how he felt.

Rin widened her eyes and did her best not to flinch when his fingertips grazed her kneecap softly… her skin crawled and the air stuck in her throat… she was frozen.

"Are you cold?" she heard him ask with a low murmur… a voice she didn't remember he had thirteen years ago… her eyes locked as he looked at her over his shoulder with the glinting red eye that wasn't his.

She shook her head no, really slow as if she was scared he would retreat his hand at any sudden movement, but his smoldering eyes returned to her bared skin finally placing his whole hand against her thigh… she felt the warmth coming from it and relaxed slowly. Hi thumb running circles on her protruding bone…

"I just remembered how much I used to disliked Obito…" he muttered softly watching his own hand on her much paler skin. Rin stayed quiet trying hard to focus on his words and not on his hand. "He was always doing nice things for you, silly stuff to let you know he loved you… He always gave you the upper hand on trainings." He whispered in a forlorn voice while his narrowed eyes stared at his hand.

_What am I doing?_

"I know he did…" she muttered softly and saw as he sighed in defeat though his eyes stayed on his moving hand. "I know he loved me and I know he did things to please me…" she said with much strength this time.

Inside; her heart was beating a furious tempo against her ribcage; she was about to confront him about the huge wall between them both… If he wasn't about to destroy it he didn't have a right to touch her… to give her illusions once again.

Kakashi felt her shifting and inching closer though her intentions seemed to be a bit different from his; while he was trying to get a bit closer on the physical field, she was suddenly very unsettled about something he failed to notice.

"You always thought that I hated or disliked him; I was the first to meet him, Kakashi, he was the first boy I befriended at the academy and something akin to a brother for me…" her eyes glistened in the moonlit room. "I knew he loved me and I tried to reciprocate those feelings once, but I just couldn't… I was to blame then? It was my fault that I couldn't love him back?" she asked with anger all written in her face leaning over to his side and making him flinch in surprise.

"No… Rin I didn't mean to…"

"What? You didn't mean to remind me of how much he loved me and how I couldn't return those feelings… yet you never wanted to hear the reason why I couldn't love Obito…" her voice lowered as did her eyes and he felt an excruciating pain in his chest. "I knew Obito loved me, just like he knew I was in love with you… I never had to say it; he figured it out on his own and I could only wonder why it was that everyone knew I loved you but you ignored it?" she pressed a hand over her eyes.

"Obito was my friend… my teammate. I couldn't fail him…" he said.

"You were so worried not wanting to fail him that you didn't mind failing me, Kakashi…" she gave a bitter smile and Kakashi widened his eyes in realization. "I was after all your friend and your teammate…" suddenly she sighed and he could see the anger fading; she changed her position and her back fell against the back of the couch her naked legs stretched to the small coffee table where her feet lied crossed over the other. "Of course I know there are differences between men's friendship and women's friendship…" she said softly.

Kakashi stayed on his spot leaned over his knees listening to her voice.

"I've always thought that women's friendship is a thousand times harder to achieve… The real thing… you know… you men are really noble…" she whispered. "It is okay for you to say that your friendship with Obito was bigger… after all his death only brought us pain and walls…" she sighed again letting her head loll back.

The memory of Minato-sensei's speech was still fresh on his head and now that he had heard her he understood better the subject; he couldn't force love on her… he loved her and she loved him, but Obito had loved her first, but even then she hadn't loved Obito like that so he couldn't force her to feelings that were dead now…

It was fine… it was okay… he could cherish her… he could do it.

He turned to look at her and found her head resting on the edge of the couch's back and her eyes closed while she thought… her fingers interlaced over her stomach and her feet moving from one side to the other absently.

With the same confidence over his thoughts and what would become his acts he shifted his position in the couch until he had one knee on the cushion and the other foot on the floor, his elbow supporting his weight over the couch's back and his right arm free to cup her cheek.

He watched in awe as her eyes popped open wide and her shoulders tensed beneath her shirt… he was leaning so that she couldn't return to a straight position; if she did try, she'd end up crashing her forehead against his nose and so she remained like that feeling his callused touch on her cheek and feeling conscious of her prone situation her neck was bared and if she swallowed she'd feel the muscles there clenching and relaxing; she felt really small beneath him and totally abashed.

Her brown gaze stared deeply into his black eye trying not to waver to the red eye not wanting to repeat the old memory… However, his eyes were tracing the movements of his thumb and not looking back at her surprised gaze, his hand lowered only a bit and his thumb grazed her jawline; a light frown came to his face as he tried to keep confidence over what he was doing.

He was taking his time in which he'd either realize he was making a mistake or either she'd jump out of his grasp and he'd let her go… yes he would… he wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want…

_Please give me the strength to stop if she doesn't want me…_

He swallowed thickly and his hand moved to touch the tender skin behind her ear and he felt her shivering; he didn't stop to even think if she was repulsed by his touch; he was scared because it could mean that he wouldn't stop even if she asked him to…

He let out a forced breath and moved his hand to her neck tracing a line with his forefinger running over her throat to the small hollow of her collarbone and then running his fingertips over the protruding bones there; it fascinated him…

The shirt she was wearing had a wide neckline and it was slipping off her shoulder which gave him more access to her pristine white skin; his eyes followed his hand movements closely as he caressed the soft curve of her neck and down to her shoulder listening closely to her breathing; it hitched, but with a grunt of fright he kept going…

_Why am I not stopping?_

Her eyes wandered down his face when she noticed he wasn't looking at her eyes; she took her time watching his thick neck and the veins there not knowing why she liked the view; so strongly raw it seemed. His broad shoulders showing off from the sleeveless shirt he was wearing; his long lean arms, wide chest and his narrow hips… his muscled thighs under the pants, but it was his hand that was driving her crazy.

She closed her eyes softly trying to calm down her breathing as it turned ragged when his hand tugged at the neckline trying to pull it down… His hand suddenly felt frantic against her skin as she panted with closed eyes and a soft moaning in the back of her throat doing her best not to reach and pull him down.

Kakashi finally let it all snap as he heard the almost mute sound of a moan; he crashed his lips against her neck and his free hand went to wrap around her torso while the other one cradled her head.

Her hands immediately surrounded his neck and he felt as she shifted pushing with her legs and pulled him as her back hit the cushions they were formerly sitting on… He gasped not anticipating the movement and was barely in time to prevent his body from falling on hers completely…

His ears caught the gasp as she fell, but the rational thought abandoned him when his mouth found hers and he could do nothing, but kiss her with all the frustrating feelings he had been neglecting since he was a kid; he planted his tongue in her mouth and swallowed her moan selfishly.

Her hands tangled in the mass of silver hair and he ground his hips against her only then realizing he was between her legs… he grunted against the kiss and in a swift and harsh motion he couldn't quite explain, he tore off the fabric of her shirt just at the front exposing her skin…

His eyes caught the fleeting glint of fear that snapped her brown orbs open when the sound of fabric ripping reached her ears, but even then he did his best to ignore her fright and did even best to ignore the fact that he wasn't stopping.

"Kakashi…" Rin called softly in a wavering voice…

Why was he acting so weird? In her eyes he seemed so different it scared her and thrilled her at the same time, but upon looking up and scanning his eyes for some kind of emotion playing there; she noticed both eyes were stone cold and smoky… It sent alarms in her head and she had to swallow harder at the fear that was clouding her senses. She placed both hands on his shoulders and tried to stop his frantic advances.

He frowned harder when he heard his name being called, but the smoky look was still there as if he was in some kind of trance.

"Kakashi." She whispered harshly when she felt both his hands on her hips, fingers slowly curling to hook on the short's hem; her legs clamping around his waist so he couldn't pull the clothe down… "Hey, listen…" she gasped as he pulled her closer to him grabbing her only by her hips.

He wasn't listening… she groaned in frustration; she was partially at blame for the outcome, but she couldn't simply stare at his clouded eyes while he did this and of course because Obito was in the next room and the door wasn't totally closed.

He lowered again and without waiting for her, he meshed his lips against hers; this time while he tried his best to stop the grinding of his hips he felt her hands cupping his face and separating him from her…

"Hey…" she muttered with a hard blush locking their eyes together. "What's going on?" she asked softly trying to keep the distance between their bodies with her legs, but with a growl he pushed again ignoring her legs' pushing. "Kakashi." She called and felt him stiffening in discomfort; he stopped, breathing forcedly and trembling slightly.

"I can't." he growled out in frustration and she felt her chest constricting… she knew what he couldn't do… and it pained her greatly; like never anything hurt her before.

"It's okay…" she whispered and let him fall over her body; he fell asleep on her chest while her eyes strayed to the ceiling…

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**Have you heard Last drop falls from Sonata Arctica? well if you haven't you should; there a small part that says **

_**"time will show, the last word is for me**_  
><em><strong>if you fail to see the problem we have, one room full of walls<strong>_  
><em><strong>jar of love isn´t dry until the last drop falls..."<strong>_

**I couldn't help but think that's the problem between Kakashi and Rin in this story... :( i hope they can solve it somehow...**

**Please leave a review if you enjoyed... i'll try to be here on saturday but probably friday ;)**


	17. Unnerving

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews!**

**Shikyo; why would you get a nosebleed? hahaha i didn't found that chapter M-rated to that extent lol, but i am glad you... enjoyed it... lol hope you'll like this chapter as well!**

**Kid-Kashi; i know it feels sad all over... but y'know whenever Kakashi appears in the series i get the same bitter feeling lol... i hope you enjoy this chapter as we approach the end... :)**

**SorrowoftheHeart; well i know that feeling... the one about not being noticed... I really hope you keep your motivation in writing because sometimes it only depends on the story... some series are more famous than other hence the amount of reviews you can get... just like this; some couples are more famous than others... ;) good luck with that and i hope you enjoy this chapter as well!**

**Yeather; well, i've read fanfics about Kakashi before and i most say that it was hard for me to imagine Kakashi being, like they put him to be, a man-whore... lol in my eyes he's almost childish about love and a complete gentleman... of course and hence the last chapter... a man. ;P I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Urashike; thanks as usual for your reviews! Lol and horny Kakashi... hahaha... i guess he's a man after all no matter how disturbed his live has been... i hope you enjoy this chapter as well!**

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**16**

**~ Unnerving ~**

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**~ Why would I make promises that I wouldn't meet...? ~**

…

"_Kakashi!" he looked up from his squatting position in front of his backpack; they had just arrived after a long trip to the Wave country; his sensei had just addressed him from afar and through the rain where the man was preparing the tent; the weather was a bit rough on them as they arrived and the land was still a bit weary from the war, so they didn't have a place to stay._

"_What is it now?" Kakashi half yelled so he could be heard over the pouring rain._

_Minato-sensei pointed a finger with a smile to something behind the boy and when turned around he spotted as Obito, uselessly, tried to help Rin to make her tent._

"_This is stupid! Why don't she simply sleep with us?" Kakashi questioned his sensei in a loud voice knowing Obito and Rin could hear him. "We are already soaked to the bone! We should just crash together; the tent is big enough!" he yelled again much louder now._

"_Kakashi…" Minato-sensei warned, but before he could say something else he spotted as Obito walked over to them; he saw the way Rin tried to stop him from getting closer, but he dragged her along anyway._

"_Just what the hell is your problem?" Obito growled out through the rain while Rin did her best but her feet were simply dragged on the mud; her short hair clinging to her face with the rain._

"_Let it go, Obito!" she pleaded angrily, but he kept walking._

"_Rin is a girl she deserves to have her own privacy!" Obito yelled grabbing Kakashi's collar and shaking him roughly; Rin was pushed backward by the strength. _

"_She's a kunoichi! A tool just like you and me! We should keep equality even in rough situations!" Kakashi glared back not taking his words back even if Rin's face behind Obito was making him miserable._

"_Yeah!" he heard her yell through the rain. "We should simply squeeze together, Obito! I'm not bothered by it, we are teammates, right?" she tried with a smile not liking when her teammates fought._

_Obito quieted, but kept his hands on Kakashi's clothes and then he saw as a big hand landed on Kakashi's shoulder; Minato-sensei interjected with a hard look on his face._

"_I was the one who told him to help her make her tent, Kakashi… Just like I asked you to help me set ours…" Minato-sensei lectured him. "Rin might be a kunoichi, but before being a shinobi, she is a girl and she deserves her own privacy… Would you feel comfortable sharing a tent with three girls? Changing with them? Hearing their girly talk? Having to cope with them while you sleep?" _

_Kakashi lowered his eyes feeling ashamed of his words…_

"_She's coped with that before, but it is differently when we are in the open… We are all tools, Kakashi… But are all tools treated the same?" he asked and the boy huffed turning his head to the side._

"_Whatever…" he mumbled angrily._

"_Obito; get in and change your damp clothes and prepare the food, Ill finish scouting." The boy let Kakashi's collar go and stomped over to the tent. "Kakashi go help Rin lift her tent quickly… get it closer to ours." He said harshly and then disappeared to finish his scouting of the area._

_Kakashi grumbled lowly and then watched as she stood from the mud slightly cleaning her dirtied hands on her dirtied clothes; she seemed truly depressed and ashamed._

"_You don't have to help me, I was just playing around with Obito; I'll do it myself." She said softly, but he heard her through the rain… he felt angered by her dismissing words and he glared at her while she walked over to the tent and dragged it on the mud to get closer to the boy's tent._

_In a mute act, he walked over and started to help her; she didn't seem happy about it or even thrilled to be working with him, but he didn't care; he helped her 'til the tent was standing strong against the wind and the rain._

_He walked around checking the stakes on the ground and then moved to where she was finishing with the last one; she wiped her forehead and let a trail of mud there; thanks to her fall on the mud she was so dirty now that even her hair seemed caked with mud._

"_I'm sure I saw a small brook not far from here I think I'll go and wash the mud out of my hair…" she announced with a bitter smile. "Thank you for your help…" she started to walk away and with lowered eyes he let her walk away…_

_Later into the night after they all ate together and the rain had ebbed she finally left their tent to go to hers; Obito had accompanied her and Kakashi heard them as they laughed together about some stupid joke he surely told…_

"_You do realize that in the process of making some distance between yourself and your feelings you're hurting her badly…?" Minato-sensei asked while he dried his blonde hair with a towel._

"_I know." He curtly replied letting his body hit the sleeping bag and feeling as the sleep hit him full force; it had been a tiring day._

…

Kakashi stirred uncomfortable from the memory and feeling his chest a bit constricted in pain; it had been so real he could almost feel the coldness from that particular day… he opened his eyes blearily and then he realized his line of vision was hindered… not moving a muscle he noticed the scent floating against his nostrils; simply nature, soaked earth and sunrays… it was hard to put it into words…

Ever so slowly he pushed himself up from his moving and beating pillow and finally realized he had been lying down on Rin; his face buried in the crook of her neck and his whole body resting on hers; their legs tangled and her hair around her face like a wild morning glory…

His eyes softened as he recalled the events that had happened last night, but just as soon he almost growled out in frustration knowing he hadn't done a thing… or maybe he did way too much; his chest hurt and he could only got up from the couch and stare down at her vulnerable form.

Her face was peaceful and her arms that had been around his neck were now at each side of her head; her shirt was ripped open at the front; he could see the valley between her breasts and with a hard swallow he tugged his mask up. He saw her hipbones and noticed her shorts were a bit too low on her hips… her legs sprawled over and off the couch.

He heard a creaking sound and his eyes snapped up to see Obito coming out of the bedroom while rubbing his eyes; Kakashi looked around frantically and found his blanket and unceremoniously draped it over her body covering the most important parts.

"Hmm, have you seen Rin-chan, old man?" Obito asked with bleary eyes against the hard light coming through the window.

It was barely seven in the morning and he was awoken to a bed without his mother; it was a bit frightening mostly because she was the only one he knew around…

"She fell asleep here… don't worry." Kakashi tried to explain and when the boy came to stand next to him he realized his mistake.

"Why did she fell asleep here?" the boy asked with narrowed suspicious eyes.

"I was out the whole night… I just got here." He shrugged making use of his lying skills.

"Hmm…" the boy didn't seem convinced of it…

"Actually I was about to go out and get something for breakfast… would like to come?" he asked trying to differ the subject and it worked.

"Cool!" Obito quipped running to the bedroom to fetch his sandals and a sweater…

Kakashi sighed and cracked the bones of his neck in tiredness… his eyes looked at her once before Obito returned and then they were both out of the house…

It was colder than usual that morning and Kakashi simply wanted to clear his mind; not actually realizing his feet were taking him over to the cenotaph, but before his mind could drift off into his daydreams Obito called for attention.

"This place is really big, you know… or maybe Degarashi was too small." The boy shrugged and Kakashi chuckled at his chat.

"Konoha is the biggest village in the Fire Country, how do you like it so far?" he asked.

"I haven't seen much of it, right?" the boy shrugged again. "But I like Rin-chan's friends." He admitted. "I certainly don't like your place, but I guess I can't complain…" he sighed and Kakashi frowned.

"I'll clean the other room later today, okay? We can paint it and fix the light…" he said remembering the room was a bit damaged.

"You said that when we got here and I haven't even seen you opening the door…" the boy said with a boringly expression. "Though it is okay… You're probably a bit too tired and worn out…" the boy said with a mischievous smile.

"Obito, let's get along I know you don't particularly like me, but why is that?" Kakashi asked stopping and prompting the boy to do the same.

Obito seemed a bit confused by his statement and question, but he simply scratched his cheek not actually knowing the answer himself.

Kakashi plopped down on a bench and Obito sat beside him with a thoughtful expression. After a while the boy finally started to elaborate…

"I think I'm just a bit jealous…" he shrugged once again and Kakashi almost wanted to retort back that he was the one to feel jealous and not Obito… "I heard from Kaoru-san that you were friends with Rin-chan since you were kids; I guess Rin-chan told her about you and she explained why she was so attached to you…" he finished and Kakashi nodded in understanding.

"Why are you jealous?" he asked not wanting to miss the chance to mock him for a while.

"Rin-chan raised me and… I thought that I was the closest person to her, but then you came into the picture wearing boxers in front of her and I just couldn't help, but dislike you… You're taking her whole attention." The boy crossed his arms over his chest.

"I see… You wouldn't be the first Obito that dislikes me…" he chuckled lowly. "Then again I hope that just like the other one you'll grow to like me if only a bit…" he smiled kindly to the troubled boy and watched as the haughty kid snorted.

"Why should I like you? Soon enough we'll be out of you stinky flat and living on our own again… It is not as if she's going to marry you… right?" his voice seems a bit nervous at the end.

"Either way, Obito, the love she feels for you it is quite different from the one she's got for me… I can assure you that much." Kakashi took a deep breath.

"You're a pervert… I know what you mean; adults are so careless and stupid sometimes…" the boy huffed angrily while Kakashi sighed. "I know she adopted me so she technically is my mother; I call her Rin-chan because I respect the fact she's not my biological mother… then again I know she's my maternal figure…" Kakashi frowned in surprise as he heard the boy's complicated rant. "If she married you I'd have to think of you as my paternal figure and I cannot have that… an old, pervert man as a father…" he snorted at the end.

A sudden anger entered his mind and somehow it didn't have anything to do with Rin, but with the boy's statements about his capability as a paternal figure; sure he hadn't been the best sensei ever, but he had somehow helped his students through life…how different could that be from being a parent…?

"I am not a pervert, Obito and 33 years are not old enough to be called Old man… Besides I think I'd make a good paternal figure…" he nodded more to himself than for the boy.

Obito regarded him out of the corner of his eye trying to suppress the feeling of success… he had trapped the scarecrow.

"I highly doubt so…" the boy sighed in fake defeat, though Kakashi failed to notice.

"I'll show you… I'll fix the room for you and I'll train you." He stated with utter decision. "I'll take walks with you and take you out to have fun… whatever you kids have fun these days with…" he waved his hand around while he planned the future for the boy. "You'll get in the academy next year as soon as you're ready and then I'll help you with it…" he could already picture the boy wearing his headband. "You'll graduate and become a genin and will be placed in a nice team and you'll get along with both companions and sensei; then would take the chunin exams and I'd help you with the training… I'd go and cheer for you at the encounters…" Obito stared at Kakashi with an awed expression on his black eyes…

_So this is how fathers are supposed to be…_

"Then becoming a jounin should be easier after lots of training; you won't become an ANBU because Rin hates it, but jounin is perfect… maybe you'll have your own team someday to train…" Kakashi sighed unaware of the heavy rant he had just babbled about.

"Y-you promise, Kakashi?"

The silver haired man looked down suddenly remembering where and with whom he was with and his eyes widened in surprise… something in those black orbs had him submitting to the boy's petition…

"Yes… I promise." Kakashi answered back watching as the boy stretched out his small hand with a twisted grin, very boyish, like Naruto's…

"So good to see you two together!" Both men turned to the voice and saw the Hokage standing close by with her arms crossed under her heavy chest. "Would you mind going for a walk close by while I talk with Kakashi, Obito?" she asked and the boy nodded obediently as he walked over to the park in front and got on the swing.

Tsunade walked over and sat next to Kakashi where Obito had been… she smiled at the silver haired jounin and watched as he flushed behind the mask.

"One day you're just an old, drunk, perverted hermit of a man and now you suddenly are making promises to a seven year old kid that could pass out as your son… I guess things are going well at home?" she asked tilting her head forward to see his profile as he glanced over at Obito.

"He's just a boy… he needs a paternal figure; I don't mind to be it for as long as he wants me to. It doesn't have anything to do with Rin…" he said as he regarded her out of the corner of his eye.

"Of course not… But after two days it is really surprising!" she mused returning her gaze the boy as he tried to swipe himself on the swing. "How are things with Rin?" she asked worriedly.

"Rin… it is an unchanging matter." He said softly and knew she was waiting for more than just a sentence. "Dead or alive I am still not able to do what I want with her… Dead or alive she still belongs to Obito…" he said and she snorted.

"As a woman who's lived long enough I have to tell you, Kakashi… A woman won't ever belong to someone unless she wants to… and if she wants to, she will only belong to the man she loves…" she said with a wise tone that had him frowning in confusion. "It means that you cannot love someone just because they love you… Just because Obito loved her it doesn't mean that she loves him back… it doesn't work like that…"

"But it doesn't work for me either… I was Obito's friend." He said. "Last night I thought for a moment that I could do it, that I could finally show her, but…" he tried to recall the cloudy feeling that she had noticed with fear. "I just felt clouded as if I was just witnessing from afar… I wanted to, but I couldn't stop, not even when she pushed me… I was really scared I was just trying to get it done with… thinking that as soon as it was done I wouldn't feel like I betrayed Obito…" he said and failed to notice the worried glance she gave him. "She noticed… In the end I simply couldn't…" he sighed.

There was silence before she sighed loudly and shifted her position; he noticed her forlorn look.

"Jiraiya knew Dan…" she smiled bitterly as she recalled her last and her first love respectively. "He used to say he hated him because he had no flaws; it was good naturedly and then I couldn't even fathom the idea of liking Jiraiya as more than a friend…" she stared at the younger man with a friendly manner. "When Dan died I never gave Jiraiya the chance to console me…After many years of not seeing him I realized his feelings were just as strong as they were in our younger days or even stronger… and I couldn't believe he had no problem with voicing them; I told him once that I was too scared of letting him in, seeing how I tended to lose everyone I loved…" she gave a bitter laugh as she recalled the time.

Jiraiya had been a great friend and she never gave him the chance to love her properly… she had been scared of losing him…

"He said that was the best love confession I could give and he was satisfied…" Kakashi seemed surprised by the answer. "He knew how much I hurt for everyone I openly loved and lost… Of course over the years I realized we both were getting older and then I guess we enjoyed a bit of the love we both shared, but nothing like he wanted…" she sighed and turned to Kakashi again. "What I'm trying to say is that I know what you're doing, but remember that the one she loves is you…You're the one who's alive… you're the only one who can return her feelings now; don't wait until you're too old to act upon your feelings, Kakashi…" she advised.

Kakashi lowered his eyes and thought about her words… and he knew what should be done… maybe next time he'd have enough willpower to act right…

"Anyway the reason I came here was because I need you to do me favor…" she suddenly said taking out a scroll from her clothe and shoved it to him. "Rogue shinobi were seen at 10 miles away from here… Do you think who it might be?" she asked while she smiled and waved her hand over at Obito.

Kakashi read through the file and sighed… it was a gathered group with enough money to eat at the small villages, but they were not causing trouble, meaning they had a mission and they were approaching Konoha…

"If you're giving me this I guess you're talking about an angry Daimyo…" he felt exhausted just thinking about the long trip to Tea Country, lucky for him the rogue were already in the Fire Country…

"Ah, you're smart, Kakashi…" she grinned as she stood and started to walk away. "Please leave tonight I don't want them anywhere near…" she waved her hand dismissingly.

He sighed…

"Obito! Let's get going we need to get the room ready before I leave…" he thought not wanting to break the first promise he had made to the kid.

He saw as the boy bounced over to where he was and then they started their walk back home…

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**So...? Next chapter will be a bit angsty and things will crumble down for Rin... she'll learn the hard way why Kakashi cannot love her the way she wants... the way he wants...**

**LOL too much information for you guys... hahahaha**

**I'll see you soon! maybe on sunday, but probably monday... byeeeeeeeeee~**


	18. Angst

**I'm in a hurry! lol thanks for the reviews; this chapter is a bit M-rated as well as a bit angsty!**

**Bye weasels i'll see you on wednesday!**

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**17**

**~ Angst ~**

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**~ How can I give up on something I never had...? ~**

…

"_Kakashi" she whispered softly while she held her knees against her chest trying to ignore the violent wind blowing against the tent she was in; it had been three days since she had gotten to the north front._

_Her intentions of saving this mission from Kakashi's grasp were successful, but she would've never thought she'd feel so miserable about it; sure she was busy enough tending the wounded, but at nights when the fire ceased and everyone returned she felt so lonely she could only think of him… _

_She clutched the letter she had just written for him in her trembling hands and tried to console her own mind._

"_Rin-san, there's a letter from the Hokage to you…" said the messenger as he entered her tent not even announcing his entrance, but she was used by now… Kakashi had been right about her team; they treated her with much care because they liked her, but when in other teams she'd be nothing to them._

"_Thank you." She stood from her makeshift bed and walked over to take the letter from his hands; she noticed the way he lingered there with a nervous, but blatant look; he was watching her._

_She wasn't worried about her appearance; she was still wearing her black sweatpants and the long-sleeved black shirt that went beneath her green vest. What unnerved her was his gaze as it went down her body; she wasn't used to that kind of look coming from men, she wasn't the kind of girl men stopped to look at… but then again how much time for women had the messenger? She swallowed softly and tried to square her shoulders under his penetrating gaze._

"_Is there something else?" she dared to ask._

_The man returned his wandering eyes to her face and gave her a sheepish smile; it seemed as if he was scared of something… as if something prevented him from approaching her._

"_Just thinking… Hatake-san is a lucky man!" he laughed hard and she frowned not comprehending; her surprise made him smirk and she realized her mistake. "Or isn't he? Could it be you have nothing to do with him, then? Just rumors going around?" he asked taking a step forward._

"_My bad; I-I thought our r-relationship was secret…" she lied with her best haughty face. "Actually I just finished writing a letter for him, please be sure to deliver it." She said and shoved the letter at him._

"_Right…" he said with a menacing look while he stuffed it in his bag; she now understood that the things that prevented him from attacking her was the fear he felt towards the silver haired ANBU…_

_She watched as he exited her tent and then she sighed loudly clutching her hands on her chest feeling the loud beating of her heart…_

"_Thank you… Kakashi…" she bitterly thought; just then she noticed the envelope in her hand and read it with a weary expression… by the time she was done her heart was broken into tiny little pieces. _

_She'd have to move on from her unrequited love after all…_

…

Rin sighed loudly as she helped the boys cleaning the house; she had barely spoken to Kakashi and even when they talked the man only asked her to bring him things while he repaired the room; not even looking her in the eyes…

Obito jumped around helping as much as he could, but more often than not he broke something else… Kakashi went out several times to buy things for the room not asking her to come with him or even asking her what Obito would like; she was just painted to the wall…

After everything that had happened last night she was kind of hoping he'd talk to her about what had bothered him so much or what triggered the impulse to do it… but he was suddenly best friends with Obito and she never existed…

So in her last attempt to have him looking at her in the eyes, she was preparing lunch for them; nothing great just sandwiches and lemonade… she wasn't a great cook anyway… She finished placing the table and then walked over to the room where she spotted Kakashi squatting as he worked on the electrical structure and next to him Obito making questions…

She frowned when a weird feeling entered her chest… belonging… or maybe jealousy and a longing sensation for the old man…

"I made lunch… you should come and have something to eat…" she said and watched as Obito turned to her with a wide grin, but Kakashi kept working.

"Let's go, old man!" Obito said happily and she watched as Kakashi stood, pulled by her son and dragged onto the table.

"Okay… That's it I am here, stop pulling me, Obito." He said boringly and regarded the table set in front of him with a sinking pain.

Rin walked around him and sat in the chair that was in front of his; he didn't look at her and didn't sit… he took the glass with lemonade and took a big gulp.

"You didn't have to do this…" he said in a monotone voice that pierced her chest.

"Why not? Rin-chan cooks great and this way it will feel more like a family!" Obito said rather loud and Kakashi saw her flustered face as she chastised the boy.

He wanted to say that this was not a family… but Obito looked so happy that he couldn't do it… he grabbed the glass and walked away.

"I'm not hungry and I need to hurry up; I need to leave tonight to a mission…" he said in the same monotone voice.

So that was the hurried antics he was sporting since the morning? He had a mission and he wanted to finish with the room as soon as possible… Then again it didn't justify the fact that he had been neglecting her since she woke up and after last night's events she really needed a good chat with him.

He worked on the room 'til sunset and she waited for him as she covered Obito with a blanket after he fell asleep on the couch; then she entered the room and found him finishing the last wall of paint… it was a nice green color and the room even if small seemed perfect for a kid.

"You didn't have to do this…" she mimicked his words with the same annoyance he had showed her before.

She watched as he turned around to face her; the first time today they locked eyes and he seemed colder than yesterday. She wasn't able to stop the complaint.

"Care to tell me what's going on? Sure you don't have to, but after what happened last night I was just kind of hoping for some kind of explanation, you know… something to reassure me that you were okay or whatever…" she waved her hand around as she closed the door not wanting to wake Obito.

Kakashi stared at her angered face and felt cornered in the small bedroom.

"I'm leaving for a mission tonight…" he said and watched as she rolled her eyes in frustration. "I promised Obito that I'd fix the room for him… I was in a hurry…" he shrugged placing the bucket of paint on the floor. "I am fine and I am sorry for what happened yesterday…" he said softly not meeting her eyes.

She felt her shoulders falling miserably at his words; her eyes taking over a sad glaze and her hopes, once again deflated.

"You are… sorry…" she stated with a trembling voice.

"I didn't mean to force anything on you; I don't know what I was thinking…" he kept his eyes on the ground waiting for some kind of reaction, but none came.

"I should've let you, after all…" she realized with a depressive sinking feeling; if she hadn't stopped him maybe he'd finally understand that he was the only one who could make her feel better; the only one who could repair her broken heart.

Kakashi widened his eyes upon hearing her words and this time he did look up at her with a hard frown…

"What are you saying, Rin…? It was just wrong of me to do it…" he took a step forward and she took one back feeling her back against the closed door.

"No… No it was not. I wasn't having second thoughts about it, but you had such a faraway look I just couldn't let you… I wanted you with me, but it almost seemed as if you were just trying to please me!" she pressed a hand over her eyes and grit her teeth together. "If you don't feel it, then don't do it ever again! I don't want your pity." She harshly replied turning around to open the door and flee.

Her hand was barely around the knob when a big hand prevented her from opening the door as it flattened against it; she was so angry she turned around swiftly and pushed at him…

Kakashi grabbed her right wrist with his left hand and received a slap by her left hand as she sobbed harder; he knew she was trying her best not to alert Obito, but just seeing her so angered and furiously blushed, had him equally unsettled.

"Stop it…" he said grabbing her other wrist as she was about to slap him again; her hair was disheveled as she struggled to free herself from his grasp. He wasn't really measuring the strength he was using, but he realized it was far too much when he pushed her against the door and the air left her mouth in a huff; she widened her eyes scared by the reaction.

She looked up at him and saw his mismatched gaze glaring at her; this time she jumped from one eye to the other not able to conceal her eternal predicament; the eye of the boy who loved her and the eye of man she loved…

She tugged at her wrists not wanting to hurt even more because of his presence, but then she noticed both hands were useless under his grip against the door on each side of her head; she felt weak and helpless; Kakashi was never the kind to give her the upper hand on anything… if he could win over her, he would no matter what…

And… sadly enough, she realized he always won…

"Let me go…" she whispered lowering her eyes, but keeping the angry tone in her voice.

"Rin, listen to me…" he pleaded and saw as she started to move again pulling uselessly at her wrists. "Stop fighting me and listen." He growled out angrily.

"I don't care, Kakashi… I no longer care, I am far too tired to do this anymore and maybe if I had been smart enough I would've done this sooner… when I was eighteen or nineteen… confront you about it and realizing you couldn't feel anything for me… then I could've moved on from you and found someone who could love me…" she snarled at him not caring that their faces were only an inch apart. "Do you think I would've found someone who wouldn't care that Obito had loved me? Would I have been able to find someone who wasn't scared to love me?" she asked angrily.

"No!" he grunted. "Of course not!" she flinched and relaxed in his hold though he didn't let her go. "I wouldn't have let you, nobody understands it! Not even you I see…" he said in a menacing tone watching as she swallowed. "This is what I am, Rin… Are you scared? Do you hate me for it?" he snarled back regarding her wide and fearful eyes. "I am this kind of man; selfish… so very selfish that if I cannot have you then no one else will… and so very selfish I am trying not to think that you could've been with someone while you were _dead…_ So selfish I was jealous of that kid out there…" she whined in the back of her throat when his grip tightened on her wrists.

Kakashi's hard breathing came through the mask and onto her face and even then she couldn't do anything but love him…

Why? She didn't know, but he was the man she loved; so strong and noble… and so selfish.

"He was as much as I could bear!" he added. "Only because we were kids, because he saw you first, because we were friends… because I was stupid enough to think I could be your friend… Obito was my limit. Do you understand, Rin? We were a team and he loved you even before we were put in the same group… I never noticed you were there until I realized the idiot loved you…" her eyes widened in painful realization.

"Kakashi…" she whispered; wanting to believe that he wasn't saying these awful things.

"I wanted to be better at everything, beat Obito at everything because I disliked him so much… and I always did a magnificent job…" he said honestly. "What was the difference if I knew you loved me? I knew I had beaten him at something else again… the girl he loved was pinning for me…" her chest constricted in pain. "Only it was too late to gloat about it… he was someone I respected as a teammate and I was already in love with you…" his forehead rested on hers while he saw he tears falling down her cheeks.

He didn't deserve her… and she needed to realize he was not the right man for her.

"Maybe I shouldn't have found you… Maybe I shouldn't have brought you back…" he said and heard her sobbing.

"You say Obito was your limit, but… even now he's not here you won't step over it… and yet again you say you wouldn't let anyone get close to me…" she raised her head to look in his eyes.

"That's why… you should stop it, Rin… I am a selfish man and I no longer care if you know it; I'll be gone tonight and then I'll pray for you to… to be gone from my side one more time…" he spoke softly and in a lowered voice while he nuzzled her ear and down her neck.

Her skin crawled once again betraying her anger… How could she leave his place when she wanted nothing else but to be with him?

His masked lips kissing her jaw and his body pressing onto hers while she stretched up her neck to barely see over his shoulder as the moon blinked in the darkened sky… she sighed and closed her eyes feeling so vulnerable in his hard grip while he kissed her neck, so contradictory and yet so very selfish like he had said…

"I'll pray I won't find you ever again…" he muttered as he laid a kiss over the lefts side of her chest, almost feeling her heart beating against his lips. "I'll pray for you to be happy…" she felt her knees wobble and gasped when he pressed his knee against the door between her legs to prevent her from falling.

He took a deep and trembling intake of air as he let the sound of her gasp fill his ears and mind.

"I'll pray… for you to find someone who can love you back…" he said through gritted teeth not even liking how it sounded; the words tasted like vinegar.

He looked down at her and felt a shiver running down his spine as he regarded her blushed cheeks; her half-lidded eyes and her slightly opened mouth as she panted, too weak to straighten her legs and her prone pose as his leg pressed between hers.

"I'll be going now, Rin…" she looked up at him and her eyes widened when she saw the red eye swirling…

"No…" her voice died out and he was there to hold her body as it fell forwards to him.

For a moment then, he stood frozen in the small room holding her against his chest; cradling her head by her nape and watching the little features that belonged to the woman he had grown to love, but once again he had to let go…

"Maybe this is it; we are not supposed to be… It was a cruel joke from fate that I found you…" he whispered softly and then he easily lifted her up watching as her head lolled back and her neck was exposed.

He walked her out of the room and then to his bedroom where he laid her softly on the bed…

"Good bye, Rin…" he muttered leaning over the bed. "I love you." He tugged down the mask and kissed her lips briefly before tugging it up again and then stepping out of the room.

He watched Obito and smiled; he ruffled his wild brown hair one last time and then walked out the flat…

Ever since he talked with Tsunade that afternoon he realized it was impossible for him to step over the boundaries he had placed when he was a kid.

Obito was still fresh in his memory and Rin was still the same girl he loved… but everything was the same as then…

He couldn't change the fact that he loved Rin, he couldn't change the fact that he still cared for Obito… He was simply trapped; too many walls around him; and as selfish as he knew he was the sole thought of leaving her to go to some other man's arms was a killer…

He couldn't have her… and he didn't want anyone else to have the chance…

If Obito hadn't had the chance and he was on the same spot; no one could ever touch her…

His feet took him to the cenotaph and his eyes immediately fell on her carved name on the stone… as if mocking him.

"I wish I've never found her…" he muttered softly.

How many times had he wanted for some kind of answer; he longed for some kind of advice coming from the shiny stone, but none came… Was Obito there? Listening to his prayers and questions? Why didn't he answer back? Why was he being ignored by his deceased friend?

"I failed you once again… and I failed her all along…"

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**If you enjoyed, please leave a review we are nearing the end! :)**


	19. Absence

**So... I said wednesday... and... well... today is Sunday... ^_^'**

**And just to clarify it wasn't internet provider who failed me this time... to be honest no one failed this time; my dad said for the rest of the Easter Week you'll be abstaining from internet... and of course meat...**

**To be honest i was okay with it, but you know i realized how much of my time i spent on the computer... i had no free time anyway because of all the things i had to attend to... it was nice and i slept a lot... like really... I wrote a little because i was sick and today... i just got here it is 6;10 pm here and i spent the day eating seafood at my grandma's place with horrible cramps... and then we got here and my dad said, okay... you may return to your usual lives and here i am...**

**I hope you had a nice Holy Week; i know i had one despite of all that happened... lol**

**I hope you can enjoy this chapter, and i am sorry if it seems a bit boring, but well... Kakashi's gone...**

**Thanks to the reviews and the patience! lol**

**Urashike, Shikyo and Addsaibu... really appreciated your reviews :)**

**Enjoy!**

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**18**

**~ Absence ~**

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**~ Now that you're gone I feel like dying once again... ~**

…

"_Kakashi…" she called softly while she kept her hands over her lap; they were in a bar with the rest of the gang; everyone dancing to the loud music and laughing while both of them stayed on the table._

_The nineteen year old looked up at him next to her trying not to convey too much on her voice, but it was hard; after that time at hospital when he had kissed her everything went even harder for them… sometimes she knew he was thinking of that kiss and it only made her feel lightheaded… _

"_Do you remember our last mission together…?" she asked and he frowned. "I mean… with Obito… do you remember it?" she asked again locking her eyes on his._

_She knew he was glad she wasn't talking about the last time they were in the hospital; even if she wanted to talk about it she had learned to respect him a bit more on that matter. Maybe someday she'd confront him about it and finally learn if there was the slightest possibility of him loving her… but not now._

"_I remember." He curtly replied returning his dark eye to the dance floor where Asuma kept giving him a questioning look… She knew the older man was probably wondering why they looked so sour._

"_I never actually asked about it… Obito died and Minato-sensei wasn't there to know what had happened…" she said and watched as he shifted uncomfortably. "I guess I just wanted to know how you found me?" she asked with a whispery tone as if afraid he'd snap at her for asking._

_Kakashi regarded his nonalcoholic drink for a minute and then heaved a long and heavy sigh that she dreaded, but he simply kept his eyes lowered while he spoke._

"_I didn't want to look for you." She felt a sharp pain in her chest and willed herself to stay composed and strong. "Obito said he wouldn't go on without you and that we should look for you, but…" he swallowed and then sighed again. "I was only focusing on the mission. Looking for you was a hindrance and it could get us both killed…" his voice was raspy as he tried to lower it even more._

"_It did end up badly…" she whispered and felt stupid, weak and at fault for Obito's death. "You shouldn't have gone looking for me…" she tried not to sob._

"_I didn't. Obito went after you, alone." His voice was unfazed like everything about him when she showed weakness; he never let her cry, he never let her win… "After a while I realized that keeping with the mission alone would be dangerous for me… and some things Obito said made me change my mind…" he explained._

"_You went back for him…" she said softly with a nod._

"_I went back for both of you… I was in time to save him once and then we saved you… as a team, like we never did before; working together to achieve a common goal…" he let his words hanging and she longed to hear what the common goal was, but he quieted._

"_It's my fault." She admitted softly with a bitter snort feeling too stupid to actually cry._

"_It wasn't our fault… Not yours or mine… nor Obito's…" Kakashi said roughly and she frowned. "You would've died if we let you there… so our outcomes where both ways a bloodbath…" he sighed again. "It is fate's fault we are broken…"_

_Rin returned her eyes to her drink on the table and pondered over his words; he could say it to make her feel better, but she felt guilty and somehow she knew he was feeling guilty too; his pained black eye was blaming himself for the outcome…_

_It was true after all… Fate had broken them so much they could not move on…_

…

Rin stirred the soup with a lazy demeanor not actually in the mood for cooking, but Obito was hungry and a bit edgy she knew; she had tried to maintain a good façade over the past three days since Kakashi left, but she knew the boy had caught on something…

He never asked about it not actually knowing what was going on, but if her depressive face was not a clue, then their last visit to Kurenai's was… Rin had wept for few minutes not able to tell her anything, but Kurenai was nice enough to tell her to come again…

Why did she cry?

Rin sighed and turned off the stove… she turned to face the quiet stance while Obito was playing in the bedroom… the old green couch, the bookshelf filled with novels and books, the marred old table and the faded paint on the walls…

She had never been here thirteen years ago and she couldn't explain why it felt like home… Her days at the shinobi compound were nothing like this, not even when she had wandered around and not even when she had settled at the Tea Country.

The again… why did she cry?

Not only this small flat felt like home… but the man that owned it felt like family…

Her love was lasting; maybe it faded at moments when she thought she had forgotten about it, but only seeing his face again triggered every single emotion she had repressed in the last thirteen years; she loved him.

She was still in love with the same man… and she was still unable to voice out her feelings; she wouldn't receive anything from him because they were still broken…

She closed her eyes tightly feeling her heart aching… she placed a hand over her hammering chest and sighed.

Why did she cry?

Because she couldn't love anyone else and he had suggested it. Because she couldn't be any happier than what she already was here and he wanted her to leave… Because she still loved him like that time so many years ago when he had introduced himself with his haughty attitude; how old were they? Nine? Ten?

"Rin-chan, are you alright?" her eyes snapped open and there in front of her Obito was holding his wooden toys, but looking at her with his head cocked to a side and worried black orbs.

"I'm fine… just thinking." She cleared her throat and retied her hair. "What do you think if we go and buy something and eat at Kurenai's?" she asked with a small smile; the boy sighed.

"Are you going to cry again?" he innocently asked her while his eyes regarded the marred action figure in his hand.

Rin regarded him for a second and when his eyes met her again she shook her head with a bitter smile…

"I promise I won't…" she said and watched as he smiled brightly at her.

"Then I'll bring more toys to play with Yuki-kun!" she sighed as he ran to the bedroom again.

…

"Well you saved me from making lunch!" Kurenai said with a wide grin as she stared at the newcomers; both of them carrying bags with food.

"Where's Yuki-kun?" Obito asked after he placed the bags on the counter; he was eager to show the kid all of his wooden toys.

"He's at the backyard." Kurenai smiled down at the kid and then regarded him as he ran out of the house.

Her crimson eyes fell on her friend and felt a sad tug at her heart as she saw her saddened face; they had been good friends ever since they were kids, but she knew her friendship with Kakashi was something she couldn't beat; Rin not only loved him, but she trusted him with all her might, while Kurenai was the kind of friend that was there to listen to what Kakashi couldn't.

"I think I am leaving…" Rin blurted out with a forlorn look in her face missing the way Kurenai's eyes widened in fright.

"What? No! No! Of course you are not leaving again!" she snapped angrily walking to her friend and seizing her shoulders.

Rin bit her lower lip and felt her eyes stinging, but remembering her promise to Obito she refrained from crying again.

"It is for the better, Kakashi was the one who suggested it and I cannot stay here if he doesn't want me to…" she said in a lowered voice.

Kurenai was speechless; what was wrong with that idiot?

"No…" she shook her head after a while and sighed heavily. "Whatever he said it works the other way around, Rin…" Kurenai tried, but Rin only shook her head.

"He said too many things and I don't think he was lying about them… So what if he cares, Kurenai?" her brown orbs snapped up to meet her crimson gaze.

Kurenai returned her hands to her sides and stared at her a bit puzzled.

"What if he might love me?" Rin asked again with a bitter and insecure tone; she didn't know anymore what he said… "He wants me to leave, but he said he couldn't picture me with someone else… He says he wants me to be happy, but he knows I love him…" Rin turned around with a frantic yet concealed demeanor.

Kurenai stared at her worriedly thinking maybe this was all too much for her to bear after thirteen years to live with him and facing all those feelings once again was probably the hardest thing for her.

That aside from the triggered memories of the old team; Obito was a fact that they would never overcome… but after so many years to be confronted with his death once again was a full blow…

"I don't want to leave, but I never was one to beg, Kurenai…" she turned and faced her friend with an angry look. "Not even to him, and you know it…" she pointed a finger and Kurenai nodded.

"Rin… let's sit down I think you should hear this…" Kurenai pulled her forearms over to the living room and sat her on the couch next to her.

"I cannot go back to wander aimlessly, Kurenai; I have to take care of Obito now…" Kurenai felt moved by her big brown eyes filled with concern.

"You are not leaving, Rin." She smiled bitterly and then sighed. "Kakashi might say he wants you to leave because he's troubled by his ideals and a moral of what he thinks is the right thing to do… and then again he's all wrong…" Kurenai stated shaking her head not believing he had said those words. "You…" her voice cracked under the pressure felt and she gave Rin a somber look. "You weren't there when Asuma told him that you were out on a mission alone…"

Rin widened her eyes and felt her chest constricting.

"He was out with Asuma and Gai… but he came running to where I was with Anko and… I've never seen him so upset and enraged." She shook her head out of the memories. "He demanded to know where you were at, but… I didn't know and I didn't know how Asuma knew either, but next thing we knew he was ready to leave and go looking for you…" Kurenai stared at Rin eyes.

"Kakashi…" Rin lowered her gaze totally affected by the news.

"The same day he was about to leave for you… the same day you were supposed to turn 20… was the very same day the messenger arrived." Kurenai placed her hands on Rin's. "He was devastated…" she murmured softly.

Rin felt her throat drying and her mind spinning with possible images of how Kakashi could've reacted to her death, but she was simply appalled.

"At first all of our reactions were the same and we turned to look at him; he simply stared at The Third with confusion… he never let anything show, but it was the first time we saw so much emotion on his masked face." She sighed sadly. "I got to know because of Asuma that he found him drinking his weight in sake that same night… and Anko found him at the cenotaph crying silently; he probably thought no one was there…" Kurenai added. "Can you imagine Anko's astonishment? She was so astounded that she wasn't able to joke for a week I think…" she tried and gave a soft smile.

Rin closed her eyes tightly willing the tear to go away and she clasped Kurenai's hand tightly in hers.

"I never thought about it…" she said with raspy voice.

"Asuma once asked him what his last words to you were…" she started again and Rin turned her attention to her again; she couldn't remember her last words to him… "He said he remembered what he never said to you…" she smiled softly as Rin frowned in confusion… "He loves you, Rin…"

Kurenai's words echoed in her head as she let the possible feeling fill her body and soul and she knew it was everything she needed to know; she wouldn't be able to leave anyway; she wouldn't change comfort for change; she was happy here…

With her friends, her son and mostly the selfish but perfect man she had loved ever since they were kids; he cared for her and he needed to realize they were supposed to be together.

"Can you even picture a handsome shinobi being hit on by countless of girls every night in every bar he went to and he not being able to resort to anyone of them?" Kurenai asked with a snort.

Rin sighed…

"There was a time that I thought maybe Anko would be the lucky one… maybe she'd be able to crack the new attitude of him after your death, but Kakashi only turned bitterer at her nagging… He adopted this sarcastic way with hints of carelessness and indifference that everyone hated and soon enough he had what he wanted… solitude." She explained. "Until Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura appeared on the map too loud and noisy for him to avoid the crack of his shell…" she smiled.

"Those are good kids…" Rin agreed with a small smile.

"Yes, they are, but he needs you… he needs to understand that there's a big difference from the love he receives from his friends and team and the love he can receive from you… Kakashi is a disturbed man and many shinobi suffer from the same syndrome… He thinks he cannot love…" Rin knew what she meant. "They directed it in different ways… Asuma never married; he didn't believe in it…" she shrugged. "And I was okay with it because I knew he was afraid…"

"Kakashi is scared of feeling… that much I know, ever since we were kids…" Rin admitted.

"Shinobi are troubled men they cannot take both parts like most women do… they are either soldiers or human beings… that's why we are the only ones who can help them… So please, Rin, don't give up on him; this might be his last chance to realize what love is…" Kurenai's words made sense to her and she felt a renewed hope that she prayed would last until he was back…

Rin wiped her eyes; she wasn't crying, but she could feel the water gathering in her brown orbs and it stung… she smiled and then hugged Kurenai; the red eyed woman returned the hug and sighed in relief…

"Gosh, you are all a bunch of kids…" she snorted thinking of their gang… not even Kakashi was mature enough to be called an adult.

After the long talk they served the food for the kids and talked amicably during the lunch about idle things that Obito was suddenly very interested in; like academy and shinobi training.

Kurenai answered most of his question because Rin merely kept her eyes on him with suspicion; sure she had trained him on various fields, but he never actually showed a true interest… sure he was good, but he was a bit lazy…

It was a bit confusing for her to see him so animated about it… but after a while she dismissed it and then it was time for them to leave.

"Bye, Yuki-kun!" Obito waved his hand at the younger boy and smiled when he returned the gesture.

"Say thank you to Kurenai…" Rin added as she ruffled Yuki's hair.

"Right! Thank you, Kurenai-san…" Obito bowed and gave her a wide smile.

"Take care of your mom, Obito-kun…" Kurenai said with a warm smile and the boy nodded.

They shared their goodbyes and then Rin and Obito started their walk back home to the flat in comfortable silence until it crossed Rin's mind again.

"What's this about the academy?" she asked idly watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"Ah! The old man said he'd help me get in the academy!" he chirped happily and she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "He even said he'd train me and then he'd help me with the chunin exams after I became genin… he said I could easily become a jounin, but not an ANBU because you hate it… Why is that?" he cocked his head to a side regarding her.

"Ah…" she dragged trying to digest the information of Kakashi acting like the father he wasn't. "Well… no, of course you won't be an ANBU…" she said angrily. "ANBU are the ones that work on really dangerous missions and they don't get to have a steady team…" she waved her hand around.

"The old man… was he an ANBU?" Obito asked with curiosity.

"Yeah, for a while though…" she said with a forlorn look.

"Why did he quit?" he asked again; this time she frowned in confusion.

"I… I don't know…" she admitted. "I guess it was too dangerous and he realized he could die any minute…" she shrugged with a smile. "I am happy he quitted…" she said again and regarded Obito's sharp eyes.

"Well, maybe he quitted because he knew how worried you were about him…" he shrugged and she frowned again.

Her eyes returned to the street ahead…

It was plausible… after everything she heard from Kurenai it could be that too… but still, the idea of him caring so much as to quit ANBU for her was hard to grasp.

"Yeah… maybe…"

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**I hope you enjoyed and i'll try my best to be here on tuesday or monday's night! lol please let me know if you like it... leave a review.**

**By the way i am working on two new stories... one featuring Naruto and Sakura and one featuring Ichigo and Orihime from Bleach and it'll be an Alternate Universe... i quite like how both are going, but please let me know which one should come first... :)**

**Thank you again!**


	20. Danger

**Thanks for the reviews! Yeather; if that's the way you want it, that's the way you get it! lol yeah, pretty much Naruto and Sakura will come first... hhahaha thankx for taking a bit of time to review the story! :)**

**Hahaha thank you Urashike your review made me laugh and thank you Shikyo i think you share the same perspective i do about Kakashi... thank you for reading! :D**

**So... this chapter is a bit sad and... angsty and... well sad... hahahahaha i hope you'll enjoy it and if you do remember to leave a review!**

**I shall see you on thursday! :)**

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**19**

**~ Danger ~**

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**~ I didn't know what was happening, but suddenly I didn't want to live anymore ... ~**

…

"_Kakashi!" She cried out with fear as she saw the slash coming from the boy from the other village._

_Obito's hands tightened over the railing as he watched the battle with rapt attention; Kakashi was presenting the last stage of the chunin exams and though he felt left out because Minato-sensei hadn't added him or Rin to the list he was still rooting for his companion although in a silent manner._

_The boy from the other village had been successful on lading a nice punch and then a slash on Kakashi's side probably breaking a few ribs; her hands trembled wanting nothing more than to heal him as soon… and she hadn't to wait long for the silver haired boy laid his final punch and the other genin was out cold._

_Minato-sensei had swiftly teleported to Kakashi's falling body and just as quick he brought him up to the railings and placed him against the wall on the floor as Rin ran over to him with worried eyes._

"_I'm fine!" he growled out trying to stop her approaching, but she never stopped and when she crouched next to him, he flinched out of annoyance. "I am telling you I am fine…" between her worry gaze and his complaints; he noticed he kept looking up at Obito with an uneasy gaze._

"_That was a lame match!" Obito said with a smirk and Kakashi merely nodded and sighed._

"_You have a few ribs broken…" she said scrutinizing his wound and trying to stop the bleeding._

"_I am fine, Rin." He said annoyed by her close proximity and the way her hands kept poking on his painful gash._

_The next fight was about to start and she turned to reassure Obito that she'd take care of him so he could see the match and not to worry about it; Obito merely nodded at her and turned around with slumped shoulders…_

_Her soft gaze lingered a bit on the bigger back that belonged to their companion; it wasn't that she ignored his feelings; she was quite nice with him and she liked being with him, she enjoyed his company more so than what she could enjoy from being with Kakashi, but she couldn't love him, because her heart belonged to the silver haired boy._

_She bit her lip in guilt before she returned her eyes again to the wounded boy; she widened her eyes when she locked eyes with him; he was giving him a hard stare and she knew he was somehow lecturing her… she swallowed thickly and lowered her eyes to the wound as she treated him._

"_How many times do I have to say that I am fine…?" he growled out in half pain and half annoyance; she shook her head no._

"_It doesn't matter… I still will heal your wounds…" she added with a saddened tone that he hated from her_

"_I don't need it." He said and made to stand, but a big hand on his shoulder prevented him from doing so._

_Kakashi looked up and saw the hard blue eyes that belonged to his sensei glaring down at him with a fiery intensity that he could only gasp and finally give in to Rin's help and she worked silently on him. His eyes kept on the ground while hers kept on the wound sighing every now and then out of sadness…_

_Why couldn't he realize?_

…

Eight days had gone by since Kakashi had left the village and she felt like life was being slowly drained from her body; if she had to be honest; the feeling was really similar to the one she had thirteen years ago when she left the village…

The empty and weird sensation of having nothing to do at all; missing him like if he was her whole reason to keep on living… and it was frightening because she had only been back for a bit more than a week and she was already in this state of dependence…

Her soft brown eyes fell on Obito as he slurped the ramen from his bowl and then commented on how much he liked the ramen from this restaurant; but she was too busy categorizing her emotions and feelings so she could cope with them in a better way…

"When do you think he'll be back?" he suddenly asked and her curiosity poked in the conversation…

"Who?" She dared to play dumb because she didn't want to give Obito the wrong idea.

"The old man… he said he'd help with my training, but he cannot keep promises if he's not here…" the boy said rather annoyed; Rin smiled.

"That's a shinobi's life, Obito. He's a tool for this village's usage and his time belongs to the Hokage's services…" she explained and watched as he huffed in anger.

She was about to elaborate on a shinobi's work, when she saw the curtain from the entrance being lifted and a loud voice she had become familiar with in the last few days…

"Old man! Give me the hugest bowl of pork ramen, believe it!" Naruto yelled from the entryway receiving a smack on his head from a pale though strong hand as Sakura growled out in frustration.

"You walk there and ask for your food nicely, Naruto! Don't go yelling from the door!" she yelled contradicting her own words; behind her Sasuke sighed in defeat.

"Oh! Sakura-chan that hurt badly!" he complained in an equally loud voice as he rubbed his head.

Rin saw as Sakura was about to retort, but Sasuke's small hum caught their attention; Rin too looked back at the black haired boy and caught his black eyes staring at her.

"That woman…" she heard him whisper and she almost sweat-dropped, but Sakura sighed.

"Rin-san… her name is Rin-san…" they all walked towards them while Naruto sported his usual foxy grin and waved enthusiastically.

"How are you doing, Rin-san, Obito-kun?" he saluted and immediately pulled a chair and sat with them; Sakura and Sasuke did the same not even stopping to ask, but Rin didn't mind.

"We were just having dinner… we needed a bit of fresh air." She smiled at them.

"It's kind of lonely without the old man there, so we figured we should go out and have a bit of fun…" Obito shrugged.

"Well, isn't that good, Obito-kun?" Sakura smiled at him tenderly and Obito blushed. "You're kind of taking a liking to my sensei?" she asked giving him her whole attention.

"I…" he stammered not able to meet her penetrating green gaze. "I g-guess he's n-not that bad, Sa-Sakura-san…" he finished with his face red like a tomato.

Next to Sakura, Naruto frowned hard at the familiar antics the boy had towards his pink haired friend, teammate and love… he felt jealous.

"He's not bad at all, Obito-kun; you'll just have to grow used to his personality; he is really funny and can be a really loyal friend." She smiled at him while Rin took in her words and felt proud of her longtime friend.

"Well… he's a bit late, isn't he?" Rin tried to divert the attention to something she wanted to know, but no one seemed to know. "He's been out for a week now…" she said to their questioning gazes.

"Oh, yes…" Sakura quipped in remembering Tsunade said something about it. "Eight days is a long time for such a simple mission; Tsunade sent backup a day ago, but they have not arrived yet… though she said we shouldn't be worried." Sakura bit her lip.

Naruto frowned a bit at her action and placed a hand on her forearm.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"Well… Maybe she said we shouldn't be worried because she thinks the mission was a piece of cake for him, but I'm not sure… Kakashi's never late from missions unless something bad happened… and even then… eight days are a lot." She said with a pointed look.

"Maybe he's resting somewhere… I mean, remember that Tsunade said he should take a few days for himself?" Naruto questioned and Sakura sighed.

"That's what the mission to the Tea Country was for… for him to rest." She explained. "But it could also mean he decided to take her advice of leaving the village for a while…" Sakura said forgetting Rin was there.

Sasuke, being so observant, noticed the way Rin's eyes widened at that little bit of information… and he felt the need to intervene on her behalf.

"I incline to think he was wounded and he's resting off his injuries somewhere else… He wouldn't even think of leaving this place now that she's here…" he motioned to Rin and then Sakura gasped.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, of course he wouldn't! Silly me!" she chided herself with a sheepish smile.

"Can someone really hurt that old man? He seemed really tough…" Obito said with a thoughtful expression.

"Well… ever since I became Kakashi-sensei's student I guess the only time I've seen him really and badly hurt was when we dealt with Akatsuki…" Sakura mused in deep thought.

"After he fought over with Deidara… he was out for a week, remember?" Naruto said with a worried look and Rin swallowed thickly.

"Not as bad as when he was… killed… by Pein…" Sakura swallowed at the word and then looked away with a pained expression.

"K-Killed?" Rin choked out.

The three teammates looked back at her with fearful eyes, but they could only give her a bitter smile…

"Don't worry, Rin-san… He's here after all… it was a special technique, but thanks to Naruto everyone was back from the death… you could put it like that." She gave another bitter smile.

Rin's frightened eyes turned to look at the azure orbs that were reminiscing of the past while his friend explained the situation back then. Naruto was sporting the same bitter look her sensei sported every time they had talked about Obito after his death…

Her whole emotions drove her to that painful memory and suddenly she wasn't staring up at Naruto, but his father as he heard her talk about Obito… Minato-sensei would keep quiet while she rambled on about their friend… it was that kind of bitter look filled with guilt and 'what if's'…

Instinctively she reached out to touch his big hand lying on the table; she grabbed it and gave a soft squeeze not caring the surprised looks coming from Sakura and Sasuke…

Naruto snapped out of his reverie and looked down at her brown orbs with confusion and surprise as she held his hand.

She swallowed thickly once again and then did her best to give him a reassuring smile that was soon followed by some tears falling from her eyes…

"Thank you, Naruto-kun…" she whispered. "Minato-sensei and Kushina-san should be proud of their son up there in heaven…" she received a faint squeeze before his surprised face broke into a full grin and his eyes closed with little moisture at the corners…

"It-It's nothing, Rin-san, believe it!" he waved his other hand at her.

Rin let him go and stared getting a warm feeling in her belly as she saw the way Sakura nudged his ribs with her elbow and he blushed at her praising; she even saw as Sasuke smirked over at the blonde and they shared a few laughs.

"Then you should be really strong!" Obito quipped in making them all laugh again. "You could train me too!" he pumped a fist in the air.

"Are you going to the academy, Obito-kun?" Sakura asked with wide green eyes.

"Y-yeah!" he yelled hiding his blush. "Next year, of course… The old man said he could help me with it and other things, like becoming a genin and chunin… even a jounin…" he grinned.

"Oh…" Sakura shared a fleeting look with Rin. "He sure promised a lot to you, didn't he?" she smiled despite of her surprise.

"Yeah! Hopefully he won't back down on his promises…" he crossed his arms over his chest ad huffed while Naruto turned to a thoughtful face.

"I've never had Kakashi to promise something to me… so I don't really know if he's the kind of guy who keeps promises…" Naruto thought and Sakura sighed.

"As far as a normal person would I think he can… Not like someone else who practically lives by his promises…" she turned her head away from the blonde and Sasuke sniggered at her comment.

"B-but Sakura-chan, I won't back down on my word, believe it!" he complained loudly.

Sakura sighed again and her eyes lowered to the table with a small smile he couldn't see because of her hair.

"I know, Naruto…" her whisper made him blush a bit and Sasuke simply sighed at his reaction. "Anyway are we ordering now?" she suddenly asked looking around for the waitress.

Rin stared at their good nature; they were making a terrific job with making her feel at home; every time she'd seen them in past week they'd always stopped to talk to her and ask her if she needed anything, mostly Sakura; they'd run into each other and they'd spend hours talking, drinking tea and shopping groceries…

She enjoyed talking with the pink haired girl and even Sasuke had offered his help a few times when she had been carrying bags home; he'd walk her there and she'd make him something to eat in thanks; he'd always decline of course, but she knew the guy wasn't much of a talkative person which contrasted with the way Obito was… then again Obito was the weird one in the clan…

Naruto would be the one who'd accept her food and always staying behind to play with Obito for a while and explain things about fighting styles and stuff; he often asked things about his father and she'd eagerly answer, telling old tales and stories about her sensei…

After that they ordered their food and ate while talking amicably about old missions they had together and funny things; Obito really enjoyed their company and Rin was sure the boy had a thing for Sakura and she knew Naruto knew… and she knew Naruto was jealous…

It was funny, but just too soon the dinner came to an end and they had to leave; Obito was already tired and now while they walked to their home she ended up carrying him on her back…

After a long day she tucked him in his bed and then tiredly walked to Kakashi's bedroom and flopped on his bed not even changing her clothes; she lied there regarding the battered ceiling with a wrist over her forehead and the other and over her belly…

"Kakashi… just where are you?" she questioned and turned on her side; her eyes immediately falling on their old picture and an odd trepidation invaded her heart.

She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, she didn't know when it hit her, but suddenly she was asleep holding her hands against her throbbing chest feeling even in her dreams as if something was about to happen… as if her bubble was about to explode.

…

"Rin-san! Rin-san!"

Rin stirred and groaned as the pounding on the front door increased; she blearily opened her brown eyes and the first thing she could focus on was on the old picture, but when her name continued to be called she pushed her arms and separated her heavy body from the bed.

She stood from the bed and walked as quickly as she could to the door; she heard Obito's door opening and heard as he grumbled something while he followed…

She opened the door and narrowed her eyes trying to focus; Naruto was there in front of her wearing a frightened expression and he swallowed thickly before he could even say a thing.

"Naruto-kun? What is it? What time is it?" she asked as she was about to turn to see the clock, but he grabbed her forearm and made her look at him again…

"Rin-san, we need to get to the hospital now…" Naruto slowed down when he focused on her eyes and he cursed his luck that he had to be the one doing this.

"What? Why?" she asked turning and giving a faint look at Obito who was fairly confused.

"Rin-san…" Naruto took a deep breath and made sure she was staring at his eyes and nowhere else. "It is Kakashi-sensei… he was brought only ten minutes ago…"

Her world stopped…

Her sanity slowly slipping away…

Kakashi…

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**Oh dear lord! Just what happened with Kakashi? D:**

**LOL i just can't be dramatic... but i hope the story was... lol i'll see you later, let me know what you think! :)**


	21. Death

**Thanks to Urashike and Shikyo as usual :) i hope you enjoy this chapter...**

**This story is coming to an end in like two chapters lol i forgot to tell you... hahaha**

**I hope you've liked it so far and if you do don't forget the review! :D**

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**20**

**~ Death ~**

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**~ Death's always cruel, but fate was a sadistic bastard… ~**

…

"_Kakashi… why don't you sit for a moment…?"_

_Kakashi's eyes widened as he stared at the scene in front of him… Obito; his longtime and deceased friend was sitting by the small fire wearing his usual clothes but the goggles; his body was half illuminated by the fire and half in the shadows… his left side was darkened by the fire's shadows._

_Kakashi slowly made his way over and sat in front of him with the fire between them; no matter how much he tried to, Obito's left side was shadowed._

"_I do believe is working fine for you?" he said poking the small fire with a twig; Kakashi thought this was a dream, but he remembered this place all too well… he had been here with his father a few years ago._

"_Am I dead?" Kakashi asked with a sense of trepidation in his chest; his worry clear in his mismatched eyes._

"_Hmm… I'm not sure; I'd say you're in the process of…" Obito gave him a bitter smile. "I thought this would be different though, Kakashi…" his voice almost lecturing him._

"_What do you mean?" he asked confused._

"_You are clearly regretting something, Kakashi. When I realized I could be here for you when you died I thought that I'd see you coming peacefully… What is it that you regret?" Obito asked him and Kakashi simply stared at his face with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and betrayal; he lowered his eyes and burned his masked face in his hands._

"_I don't deserve to have you here, not even in my darkest hour…" he said not lifting his head._

_He missed Obito's gentle smile as he stared at his old teammate looking so devastated and tired._

"_One would think I am the same nagging kid, right?" he snorted and this time Kakashi looked up not comprehending. "Truth is I am here because I had pending business with you. I never knew until I thought about it; years of watching over you and Rin-chan…" he smiled bitterly and watched as Kakashi grimaced at the name of their friend. "It was a bit hard, but it didn't last long before I realized that I couldn't take care of her while I am dead, Kakashi… and telling you to take care of her with my last breath wasn't enough for you to understand…" he explained. "That's why I am here…"_

"_I've done a horrible job with that, Obito…" he shook his head with sadness._

"_Yeah! I totally agree!" Obito snorted and then chuckled; Kakashi looked at him with saddened confusion. "Things I forgot to say… things I wanted to say, but not even then I could tell her that I loved her… Of course I suspected she knew." He chuckled again. "She's smart after all… But you… you were and still are in denial of your own feelings, Kakashi." His steady voice made Kakashi's resolution crack under the pressure. _

"_I cannot do it…" he simply replied with gritted teeth._

"_I know… that's why I am here!" he snapped angrily. "Kakashi what can I do for her when I am dead?" Kakashi grimaced and tightened his fists. "I never wanted to lose to you, but you kept beating me at everything, Kakashi…"_

"_That's why-!"_

"_That's why I am deeply thankful…" Obito cut his outburst and the silver haired man stared in disbelief. "Is it hard to say you love someone?" he asked curiously. Kakashi felt stupid and simply sighed._

"_It is for me… I wasn't supposed to fall in love; I can't remember ever knowing what it meant… to be honest I got to know the feeling first and then I found the word." He said in a soft tone._

"_That sound like something out of those novels you're always reading…" Obito laughed and Kakashi gave a soft snort; it felt warm to see him laughing._

"_You'd be amazed at how much I've learned from those…" Kakashi amused him some more, but Obito's laugh died slowly and then he sighed still wearing a smile._

"_Living through someone else's eyes is not experience…" he replied softly and Kakashi sighed as if he knew that too. "You've got to make your own life, Kakashi. Like you said 33 years is not old enough to be called old…" he smiled at the surprised expression he sported. "I'd like to see you happy, see that you have a life with a family to care for… maybe because that's what I'd like to have, but I am dead… Kakashi you better start living your life now…" he said with a pointed look._

"_You shouldn't expect so much form me, Obito… I've only caused you pain… and I've failed Rin…" Kakashi said bitterly lowering his eyes._

"_I am grateful though, because I got to have a friend like you. I am sure that you were only honoring my memories and my feelings, but… Rin's not a thing you can use to keep my memory… I guess I was destined to lose everything to you… not that I wanted…" he snorted. "But better you than anyone else; just this time, Kakashi…" Obito gave him a bitter look of approval._

_Kakashi felt tears streaming down his cheeks and wetting his mask; he couldn't remember the last time he had cried, but he felt light… as if someone had lifted a heavy weight off his shoulders._

"_Just this time it is okay for me to lose… Let's say I'll give you the upper hand; can we do that?" he asked amusedly. "Let's say I'll let you win this battle; let me be childish I am nothing but a kid, right?" he chuckled. "I am willing to retreat now… so you better listen to me well!" he snapped and Kakashi swallowed thickly and nodded once. "You better take care of her, Kakashi. Don't make her wait…" he suddenly stopped and his smile widened. "Can you hear that?"_

_Kakashi frowned and then he realized he could hear people yelling and talking loudly to one another; he could hear orders being yelled and cries… _

"_What's that?" he questioned looking around._

"_It means you're not quite dead!" Obito quipped and then sighed in relief. "For a moment I thought I was too late! This is good, Kakashi. Next time I see you… that's if I ever see you again…" he chuckled. "I really hope you'll come happy and at peace and that means I hope you did the right thing with Rin; love her like you've wanted ever since you were a kid… make her happy and that will be the best way to honor my memory…" Obito said._

_Kakashi listened to his words, but the noises around him made him a bit distracted as if they were enveloping them and pulling him apart; for a moment he only wished he could stay a bit longer._

_Kakashi saw as the fire grew weaker and then as it extinguished; his mismatched eyes stared at Obito's smiling face until it disappeared in the darkness…_

"_Obito…" he whispered to the nothing._

"_Take care, Kakashi…"_

…

Naruto arrived to the hospital with a frantic looking Rin; he knew she could barely breathe and she didn't know what to expect; while he knew Sakura was the best doctor now he had realized earlier that Kakashi's wound had been horribly deep across his chest.

There had been so much blood and his unconscious and pale face betrayed the pain he might have felt when he was hurt in battle; Tsunade had been too worried to actually feel relieved by the fact the mission had been accomplished.

Naruto had dropped Obito at Kurenai's and then they both had come together, but he was having second thoughts now, maybe his way of telling things wasn't the best since she seemed so traumatized.

He had heard her whispering things under her breath and that was everything he needed to know that she was deeply worried, but it almost felt as if her anchor to this life relied in Kakashi's cold hands at moment.

He guided her over to where Sakura and Tsunade were still working on his wound and she was permitted to go in wearing a coat and a mask.

Sakura looked up and saw the rivers of tears streaming down her cheeks; she had cried too because not even when he had been _dead _she had seen his face, but tonight she had caught a glimpse of it and it was as if he knew this was his last time there and thus he'd let her see him.

"Kakashi…" Rin whispered as she placed a hand over his forehead and ran her fingers softly through his front bangs pushing them aside.

None of them said anything to her; probably knowing she was going through so much pain.

Rin simply stared at his pale face now able to see the small and barely visible wrinkles at the corners of his eyes; the way the scar seems ragged and tired, his eyelids were still and his black eyelashes kissing his cheeks, his forehead had a thin line over it and his skin was soft to the touch… He seemed much older like this and she could only beg that his mismatched gaze would look at her one more time.

She heard as Sakura yelled that she needed more blood and she sobbed once letting her forehead hit his cheek. Her other hand firmly grasping his cold fingers and amazed at the lack of strength in those hands that had always held her life within them…

"You cannot do this… Not now." She sobbed in his ear. "Kakashi you promised so much to Obito… you need to hear what I have to say…" she whined in pain as her eyes returned to his placid and impassive face; he could've been sleeping for all she knew… this might all be a nightmare… "This is not happening…" she straightened her back and looked down at him pressing hand on her mouth and keeping the other in his.

Her eyes widened when she saw a thin tear slid from the corner of his eye to his temple; her breath caught in her lungs as another on fell on his other temple; he was crying…

"Tsunade-sama, we have a reaction." Sakura said as she tried to keep her voice calm, but Tsunade only shook her head.

"Tears are reflexes that cannot tell of his real condition; he's lost so much blood we can barely keep his heart pumping, Sakura…" Tsunade was losing confidence and Rin felt as if everything was darkening around her, but she kept her hand holding his.

"Let me help, please!" Rin said looking up at them and Sakura felt horrible.

"It is not about more hands, Rin-san… It is about his weakening heart." Sakura didn't know what else to say.

"I'll keep it beating while you work on his wound so the bleeding stops!" Rin suggested regarding the pool of blood on his chest; Sakura doubted for a moment and then nodded.

"Please do, then… Tsunade-sama I need to find all the leaks!" Sakura yelled and Tsunade sighed sadly, but complied.

Rin focused her hand over his chest and kept pumping chakra to his system while the other hand still held his… she only had to keep his beating steady it wasn't a difficult task and she prayed he'd find the will to fight for his life…

Her eyes would travel to his impassive face and the peaceful though troubled expression there; it pained her to see him unmoving… deadly quiet and cold.

Sakura was suddenly very aware of Rin's chakra and then; she realized that now that she didn't need to worry about his heart, she and Tsunade could spot the leas easily, but it didn't meant it was okay; he was too weak and cold; her hands dripped with his blood and the metallic smell was sickening, but nothing scared her as much as what came then.

"This is the last unit we have with his blood type!" said a nurse behind them.

Three pairs of eyes widened and Sakura regarded the small bag with trepidation; she turned to look at Tsunade and tried to keep her breathing in check while she worked around more veins.

"Find a donor!" Sakura said to the girl and watched as she ran out of the room.

"We need to finish this now, Sakura…" Tsunade's brown was sweating profusely and Sakura could only nod.

Rin closed her eyes tightly while more tears streamed down her face; she wanted nothing more than to die if he did; she was being selfish, she knew, but it pained her so much she could barely breathe.

She was thinking of the possible outcomes; what if they didn't found a donor? What if Kakashi died? What if she was left alone?

Everything she tried to keep him alive and now he was dying on her very hands… his heart in her hands; her life in his.

She only wanted him to open his eyes and look up at her with his mismatched gaze, she wanted him to give her one of those lazy creases, she wanted him to hug her and tell her that everything was fine… she wanted to wake up in his bed, tangled in his sheets… she wanted for this to be a nightmare.

She sobbed harder this time not able to cope with her feelings, not able to keep up with the strong façade of her life.

Sakura looked up as she felt Rin's chakra weakening and thus Kakashi's heartbeat slowing down; she didn't want to push her in this situation, but her medical mode was on and she couldn't let this happen, not now.

"Rin-san, your chakra! Please, don't stop now." Sakura beckoned her to keep it up and she realized; Rin wasn't doing that on purpose. "Get a replacement!" Sakura yelled when she noticed the dark shadows under Rin's eyes.

"It is okay, Sakura-san… I can keep it up for a while longer, don't worry about me…" even her voice was lowering to a faint whisper. "I'll keep it beating…" she added with a serious though tired face.

"Sakura; he's stable now… Get the remaining leaks now!" Tsunade said angered by her distraction.

"Yes!" Sakura nodded and found the little and almost invisible wounds that kept bleeding; with her last effort she closed them and suctioned the pooled blood to close the skin. Tsunade helped so they could finish sooner. "Okay…" Sakura said softly as the flesh finally closed. "Rin-san…" she called and Rin shook her head no, biting her lip.

"It is not beating on its own…" she kept pumping chakra and ever so desperately Sakura started to check his whole body for more wounds, but found none.

"Tsunade-sama, what should I do?" she yelled as tears welled in her green orbs.

"Rin stop what you're doing." Tsunade commanded and both girls jumped in fright at the idea.

"He'll die!" Sakura shouted.

"He's no reacting anyway, Sakura!" Tsunade was equally sad, but there was nothing they could do… the wound was healed, but he had been in Rin's hands too long… so much blood loss and inappropriate care for the last days were his downfall.

"But there must be something we can do!" Rin yelled as best as she could as she felt herself losing consciousness from the chakra used on keeping his heart beating.

"You are a doctor, Rin! These kinds of things happen all the time!" Tsunade yelled in abandon; she didn't want this to be true, but there was nothing that could be done. People died every day and no one could avoid it.

"Rin-san…" Sakura whispered at the weakening woman; she was now trembling and making an effort to stand still on her feet; her face pale and dark bags under her brown orbs. "You need to stop…"

Rin shook her head unable to speak; tears kept falling down her cheeks; while one hand was on his chest the other was on his hand…

And then it happened she couldn't keep it up any longer… her chakra stopped flowing and she almost fell on his chest supported only by her forearm; she heard Sakura calling out for her, but she was finally enveloped by darkness…

She blinked several times trying to focus on something, but she felt cold and heavy and her legs gave out under her weight; she faintly wondered if her heart would stop beating too… along with his…

She felt her knees collide with the floors; her cheek pressed against the side of the bed and she could barely make out her weak fingers as they slipped out of his… still unmoving and painfully cold.

A blur of pink and blonde appeared on her line of vision and pulled her down to treat her; she kept yelling questions at her, but her bleary eyes stayed on his hand dangling from the edge of the bed as if he was inviting her to come with him…

_We are deadly broken, Kakashi… so much we cannot heal._

_I had so much to tell you… You had so much to listen to…_

In her blurry slumber she smiled up at his hand… and only for a moment she thought she had seen his fingers moving…

Only for a moment… before she lost it and fainted.

_Death's always cruel, but fate was a sadistic bastard…_

__**So yeah... this chapter was a bit sad... uh... i guess...**

**Leave a review if you enjoyed... :) I'll see you soon! Maybe tomorrow... :)**


	22. Awakening

**Thank you so much for the reviews... I have thi and i think two more chapteres; really hope you enjoy them.**

**This time thank you so much to Yeather and Urashike; i really like this chapter, but you tell me! :)**

**If you read and enjoyed it, please leave a review!**

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**21**

**~ Awakening ~**

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**~ All I needed to hear... Meeting you was the best that ever happened to me... ~**

…

"_Kakashi; may I come in?" he heard the soft knock on his opened door and he snorted at her useless question, but then again Rin was that kind of person._

"_You're already inside, Rin…" he asked while he kept packing his things; he was having his first mission as an ANBU._

_Rin stepped inside and when he turned around her wide eyes roamed his body regarding the new clothes with apprehension; the gray vest hugging his torso, the sleeveless undershirt, the long gloves and the protection, no headband on his forehead hiding his left eye and a recently carved tattoo on his right shoulder… she bit her lower lip feeling intimidated under his sudden growth… it was as if he was a man and not a boy._

_Instinctively she took a step back and held her breath…_

"_I'm supposed to leave soon for a mission. What was it that you have to say?" he asked looking down and avoiding her disappointed gaze._

_How many times had she pleaded with him to not join ANBU; she was deeply worried about his wellbeing, but he couldn't pass the opportunity to become the perfect shinobi; if he was honest with himself he'd admit he had been scared and doubtful as he took the test, but in the end he agreed to take the tattoo._

"_I… This happened all too fast…" she said in a whisper and then sighed. "I heard you succeeded in you test and I wanted to… congratulate you…" she said softly gluing her eyes to the tattoo._

"_Thank you." He said in a clipped tone. _

"_As usual I'll just pray you know what you're doing… it seems that's all I'm able to do." She sighed again._

"_I am an ANBU now, Rin, but it doesn't mean that we won't have missions together ever again… I just needed to do this." He said suddenly with a pleading tone and he couldn't understand why he felt the need to ease her worry._

"_I know…" she smiled softly, but her eyes wouldn't meet his. She turned her eyes to the window and regarded the graying skies with pain of not being there with him. "It is cold outside, you should be careful…" she said and when she turned her eyes widened when she saw the tall boy wrapping an all too familiar red scarf around his neck._

"_I'll be just fine…" he said avoiding her surprised gaze; this would be the first time he actually wore the scarf because now it did fit better since he was taller. The scarf reminded him of Obito and the day they had all gone about for presents for her birthday… subconsciously he looked down at her wrists only to confirm what he already knew; she didn't like bracelets… He sighed loudly._

"_Please be careful…" she said uncomfortably; she wanted to hug him, but things were always so awkward with him that she simply stayed were she was looking down at her feet._

_Kakashi stepped forward and when she looked up she saw as he placed the ANBU mask over his face…_

"_As useless as it is for me to wear a second mask… How does it look like?" he asked from behind feeling able to smile at her unknowing face._

_Rin giggled hearing the smile on his voice and she nodded._

"_Fits you right…" She patted the forehead of the dog's mask in affection. "Be a good boy, ne, Kakashi-kun?" she smiled up at him and felt him sigh loudly through it._

"_I'll see you later, Rin…" _

_With that said, he disappeared leaving her there in his bedroom with a bad feeling all over her body; she didn't want him as an ANBU… but she was no one to prevent his wishes from happening…_

_She was just a friend._

…

"No you can't! Just go back to sleep now!" Sakura yelled losing her patience and simply glaring down at her patient.

"Sakura I am already feeling better and I really need to see her…" Kakashi said from the bed while she ran her fingers over the wound examining its progress.

"Two days are hardly considered enough time to rest for this kind of wound, sensei and I am truly worried it can worsen!" she snapped worriedly.

"Sakura, did you tell her that I was awake?" he asked with narrowed eyes and she coughed while avoiding his gaze.

"Kakashi-sensei you woke up this morning; I haven't had the time and you've had too many visitors…" she sighed. "Rin-san is still resting and receiving replenish treatment of chakra… she's really tired." She said with a pointed look.

"Where's Obito?" he asked.

"With Kurenai-sensei… do not worry, okay?" she pleaded and he nodded, but soon was at it again.

"Take me to Rin's room… I need to see her, Sakura. Don't make this difficult; I really hate hospitals and I just hate them more now…" he was frustrated she could see and with a heavy sigh she exited the room.

For a moment he thought she was simply leaving him, but she came back inside again with a wheelchair… he couldn't refrain from smiling behind his mask as she approached his bed. With a lot of help from her he realized he was still really weak, but thanks god for her super strength, she quickly sat him on the chair and the wheeled him through the hospital halls and then inside a bedroom.

"I'll be back in ten minutes, Kakashi-sensei…" she said in a warning tone trying to ignore the dozen of ethical rules she was breaking as a doctor… she walked over to the door. "I'll go to hell…"

Kakashi waited until the door was closed and then wheeled close to the bed and regarded her face while she slept; she seemed tired and worn out and he was a bit worried as he could see trails of tears on each side of her face down to her temples.

"Rin…" He said softly and placed his right hand over her forehead and caressed her long and soft hair with a forlorn look. "I wish he had had his time to tell you how much he loved you." He whispered and feeling the need of air, pulled down his mask and took a trembling breath. "He had so much to say, so much to live for." He lowered his eyes to her stilled hand and slowly he grabbed it. "No one will probably ever love you like he did…" he gave a soft and forlorn smile. "But I am willing to try…"

He needed her to wake up soon so he could tell her directly… Finally he felt as if everything could work out because this time Obito had consented to give him a chance; he understood the circumstances, but he'd take the chance for everything he was worth.

…

Three days went by and Rin had been discharged; he had hoped she'd come and visit, but it seemed that she was fairly glad to know he was doing fine; it was stupid because he'd be back at his house today and they'd see each other again and they obviously had to talk…

The of course he remembered that the day he left for his mission he had begged her to leave his place; he had made a horrible mistake that day and now he could only pray that she'd give him another chance to prove that he could and would give in to her and his dreams.

"You are to leave now, but I'll be visiting soon to run a checkup…" Sakura warned with a deadly glare.

"Right… Do you know if Rin is…?" he dragged not really knowing what he wanted to ask.

"She's outside with Obito ready to take you home…" Sakura said missing the surprised look he sported. But then sighed heavily and sat on a chair that was next to the bed. "Kakashi-sensei… I know I am not one to talk about this, but…" she was clearly uncomfortable.

"What is it?" he asked suddenly very nervous about her words.

"I mean… of course I don't know a thing about your relationship with Rin-san, but…" she said and Kakashi shifted uncomfortable; seeing his gesture she couldn't help but smile and pull her courage. "You really should do something about it, right? She was with you the whole time holding your hand and keeping your heart beating until she could no more… Do you understand what I am saying?" she asked and he didn't miss the lecturing tone in her question.

"Sakura, I think I understand it better than you think and it is really weird to have you saying this to me…" he said looking anywhere else but her eyes.

"I know! It is just that I truly like her and she seems to know you really well… and come on she's seen your face before too! I just can't help but think that… she's the one… you know? The One!" she said emphatically.

"Sakura, you don't need to do this…" he said sighing in defeat.

"I know! Just… please don't let her go! I swear that if you do I'll cry and then I'll have to beat you for it…" she said as if she was saying sorry in advance.

"Sakura… I know what I'll do… just… don't do this ever again, please?" he actually begged her. "It is weird…" he smiled sheepishly behind the mask and she sighed again.

"Whatever, let's get you there…" she came around his wheel chair and drove him down the halls to where they were waiting, he spotted them both chatting softly with one another and then Obito looked up and Kakashi frowned.

Of course he knew Sakura worried about him and all of his friends did as well, but having this strange kid with that look of utter relief and happiness to see him well was something he hadn't experienced ever before… he could do nothing but stare as Obito ran up to him, when he was about to reach him he slowed down and stopped oddly with his hands fidgeting…

"Obito-kun is been really worried for you, Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura supplied watching as the boy nodded eagerly.

"Are you alright, old man?" he asked softly and Kakashi chuckled at his question.

"Of course I am alright… Couldn't die, could I? After all the promises I made…" he said with a smile and ruffled his brown locks.

"Yeah…" Obito smiled up at him and Kakashi felt totally warmed by the interaction, maybe he could really be a good father if he wanted…

If he wanted… yeah, he wanted.

He looked up from the boy and saw Rin standing a few steps behind him with a faint blush on her cheeks and looking relieved; after she had refused to see him 'til now; h didn't let on how much that had bothered him and kept talking with Obito for only a moment before he stood from the wheelchair and Sakura approached Rin; he heard them talk.

"You already know his condition, but please he needs his rest… and no training no matter how much he says he needs it… Here are some painkillers and this pill to prevent the infection…" Sakura said handing the medication to Rin making him sigh.

"I can take care of myself, Sakura…" he said in a warning tone, but Sakura waved her hand dismissingly.

"Right… Just be careful, Kakashi-sensei…" she pleaded and he nodded in defeat.

"Well, let's go home!" Obito yelled pulling at Kakashi's hand and then tugging at Rin's free one.

Sakura stared as the three of them walked out of the hospital looking like a real family; she smiled at them and sighed; she was glad and she had been right; Rin was the only woman who could see beneath the mask…

…

Kakashi was walking slowly next to Obito and every now and then chancing a glance towards Rin; she had been quiet for most of the road reading the inscription on his medication and then simply telling Obito to be careful and not to hurt him.

She would bit her lower lip in clear signal of worry and then simply stare ahead with a forlorn though worried look; she was scared.

He thought about it; of course she'd be scared the last thing he had asked of her before leaving on his mission was to leave his place and never come back… he was sure he hadn't been really convincing with all the close proximity they had shared and maybe he had that to thank for… she was still here.

Maybe she was scared thinking he would beg her to leave once again or maybe she was scared he was mad at her for not leaving… he needed to leave things clear between them tonight or else their relationship would be ruined forever; not being lovers because of his stupid decisions and not being friends for… the same reason.

When they arrived to his flat she actually helped him to the sofa and asked if he needed anything… though he wanted to talk with her Obito kept calling for his attention and this served for her as she said she'd make dinner.

He sighed as she made her way to the kitchen at his back; he could hear her pulling pans and opening and closing cabinets… she was clearly nervous; it was a trait he had forgotten about her; whenever she was nervous about something she'd get herself loudly busy.

Obito started his rant again about the possibilities of the training and the tests to know what his chakra affinity was, he asked about many other things and Kakashi was really amused by their chat; it warmed him and made him think that maybe now he had a fulltime job for the rest of… the next ten years maybe? He was more than okay with the idea of raising Obito.

Suddenly the boy fell quiet and with fidgeting hands he made sure Rin was busy with the cooking and wasn't looking their way.

"Is something wrong?" Kakashi asked him and watched as the boy shook his head and then grimaced as if not sure of what to say. "Come on, tell me." He coaxed and the boy sighed.

"It is just that… Rin-chan was really worried, you know? She cried so much for the past few days; I don't understand why, after all you were already healing…" Obito whispered not wanting her to hear him.

"Don't worry about it… I'll fix it." Kakashi reassured him in the same whispering tone he was using.

"But then what? Are we supposed to leave or… or what?" the boy said again in a much quiet whisper.

"No… No I don't want you to leave…" Kakashi said with a kind tone that was unusual in him. "I really want you two to stay here, with me…" he added and watched as Obito's eyes widened.

"Like a family?" he asked with hope in his black eyes; his whisper sounded a bit high-pitched, but she didn't seem to notice.

Kakashi stared at the boy's black orbs for a moment; he didn't know if he could give Obito a family, but he sure was going to try his best… it couldn't be much different from training a team.

"Yes, I guess you could say it like that…" Kakashi said and for a moment thought he was going to cry, but the boy simply snorted.

"Just for the record…" he whispered leaning over so he could hear his lower whisper. "I am not calling you dad, old man…" he said and Kakashi chuckled lowly.

"That's okay…" he said amused by his quick tongue.

After a while Rin announced dinner was ready and the three of them sat at the table to eat. Every time he caught her eyes she'd immediately avert her gaze to her plate and would comment on whatever Obito was saying.

He'd comment on her food several times and would ask her about Kurenai and simple stuff, but she'd only nod and say a few things about it nothing really important and then direct the attention back to the kid.

He learned from Obito's rant that they actually spent a lot of time with Kurenai and team seven, now the boy seemed to know a lot of the old days with his team…

"Obito you should go to bed, Kakashi needs to rest…" she said as they finished dinner and she started to clean the table.

"Hmm…" the boy pouted. "I really wanted to ask more about training…" he said defeated.

"Let's get you in bed first…" Kakashi said and stood from his chair to walk him to his bedroom, but Rin stopped him with worried eyes.

"You shouldn't… I'll do it." She said locking eyes with him briefly.

"It is nothing, Rin. I'll do it." He said definitely and walked the boy to the bedroom.

Obito climbed on his bed and pulled the covers; Kakashi smiled as he yawned heavily and his eyes closed tiredly.

"I guess I'll ask tomorrow… or the day after that… and the one after…" he dragged tiredly. Kakashi smiled down at him and ruffled his hair one more time.

"Good night Obito, I'll see you tomorrow…" he said and turned off the lights.

He closed the door behind him and walked over to the kitchen stopping at the end of the hall to see her while she washed the dishes; he could get used to this, but not only that; he was going to get used to this, no matter what.

"Let me help you…"

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**Just to let you know; the next two chapters have my two favorite memories... :)**

**I hope you enjoyed and please be sure to review if you enjoyed, this story is coming to an end soon... :D**

**See ya tomorrow, for sure! :( i mean it! If my internet provider doesn't fail me... ^_^'**


	23. Heartbeat

**Thank you for the reviews i really appreciate them. **

**And so here comes the last chapter; i owe you an epilogue of course...**

**I really hope you can enjoy and if you do, please leave a review! :D**

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**22**

**~ Heartbeat ~**

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**~ I was never this happy... ~**

…

"_Kakashi… What would you like for dinner?"_

_The five year old looked up from his homework as he wrote it at the table and spotted his mother walking out of the bedroom; he felt trepidation building up inside as he took in her appearance; her long black hair falling messily over her shoulders and her tired and pale face telling him everything he needed to know._

"_You're supposed to stay in bed." He said automatically fearing that she might just crumble down and he'd have to carry her to her bed; last time it happened his father had been really upset with her._

"_Oh, but I really want to cook…" he heard her say with a kind smile; somehow he knew she was faking it and it hurt him, but he couldn't understand why._

"_Mom, you cannot cook." He said with a deep frown as he stood from his chair; she was walking over to the kitchenette while supporting her small body against the wall._

"_Oh, yes I can and you'll be surprised by how delicious my food can be!" she said happily. "When you were a baby you loved my soup and my curry…" she added pulling out a pot and opening the fridge._

_Kakashi was fidgeting uncontrollably looking between his mother and the door of his house hoping his father would just get home already._

"_I might need a bit of help…" she said and he nodded after a moment of hesitation. _

_He helped her through the cooking. She was on the verge of fainting he knew; she was trembling slightly and was sweating coldly; she dropped the spoon a few times and had a fit of coughing several times, but she finished dinner and then sat with him at the table._

_Kakashi ate her food after a long time and smiled through the whole dinner; she was right that he loved her soup; he praised her several times and when he finished he realized she hadn't tasted her bowl._

"_Mom, aren't' you going to eat?" he asked softly and watched carefully as she swayed from left to right and tried to focus._

"_I… will eat… later…" she said through small gasps of air; her smile faltering._

"_Maybe we should get you in bed now… please." He asked of her and stood ready to guide her. She stared at him and nodded bitterly; she let him guide her there and let him tuck her in the warm bed._

_Kakashi was pulling the sheet over her body when he noticed her tears and the way she stared at him with sadness; her hand weakly caressed his cheek._

"_Is it hurting somewhere?" he asked knowing he couldn't do anything if it did hurt. _

_She shook her head no with a bitter smile._

"_I should be the one tucking you in bed. I should be the one kissing you goodnight." She sobbed and he frowned not understanding her words. "I should be the one looking out for you…" he didn't know why but he shook his head no and smiled._

"_Don't worry, mom. I'll take care of you." He replied and watched as she cried, though this time she held a true smile through her tears._

…

The memory had come to him after seeing Rin so immersed with such a measly task like washing the dishes; her back towards him and her long hair braided neatly against her back.

"Let me help you…" he watched as she whirled around to face him; her wide eyes seemed scared once again and when he started to walk slowly towards her he watched in mild amusement as she shrugged her body in intimidation.

"I can do these, you should rest…" she protested as best as she could, but he simply stood next to her, washing the dishes.

She turned and started to do her half of the dirty plates… none of them saying anything for what seemed hours until they finished and she turned around to face him with decision; he was a bit puzzled.

"You need to rest and I was supposed to heal you before going to sleep, Sakura-san thinks it might help you heal faster…" she explained not meeting his eyes and he could only nod.

She walked over to the bedroom and he followed her there; she prepared the bed for him and motioned for him to lie down… Kakashi took off his shirt with a bit of difficulty, but didn't complain and then she helped him in ignoring the fact that his mask was missing and he seemed more comfortable than any other time.

It was hard for her to ignore a face she scarcely saw, but longed to see every minute of the day. Willing her medical mode on, she moved and sat on the edge of the bed assessing the deep and barely healed scar; it was still pink and tender running from his right pectoral to the ribs on his left side.

He watched in mild amusement as she traced the scar with her soft fingers and a sad look crossed her features; he really needed to tell her now, but just having her like this was distracting enough; he'd let her work on his wound first…

Her hands started to glow green with her healing chakra and he heaved a long sigh with closed eyes feeling the fading pain and ardor of his skin; it had been too long since the last time he actually got to feel her chakra in his system.

She was finishing and he could feel the chakra as it weakened; he opened his eyes and when she was about to retract her hands from his chest he held her right wrist with his left hand.

She looked up at him and stared into his lazy face as if he was really tired or simply bothering her with that indifferent though lazy look; his eyes barely open, but staring deep into her own. He sighed and regarded her with his mismatched eyes no longer caring if she was staring at the red eye… He couldn't hurt her any more than he already had.

"Rin…" he whispered.

"I know… I know… I just couldn't do it, Kakashi." She replied with a desperate quiet tone; he stared in confusion as she talked not really pulling at her wrist still in his hand. "I thought that… I just didn't want to leave… I need to see for Obito and I didn't want to wander aimlessly again." She said and lowered her eyes to his chest again.

"And I am glad that you didn't leave…" she snapped up to meet his eyes with nervousness. "What I was about to say is that… I really want to give it a try." He explained and watched as her shoulder slumped.

"Oh…" she whispered not believing what she was hearing, but not wanting to question it. The way he was speaking in that lower tone made it a really intimate contact and he seemed so pleased with her presence.

"I am sorry for what I said before I left… Truth was that I was still unsure, but… I could die tomorrow and… you could die tomorrow and I just don't want to miss this…" he let her wrist slip and then grabbed her hand tenderly. "I think I had enough motivation when I was unconscious; that's all I needed to know to feel reassured." He smiled softly at her confused gaze. After a long moment of silent and doubts he finally said it… "I heard you crying… I heard you." He said and she blushed.

She took a deep breath not knowing what he was talking about, but having a good idea of what it could be he heard her say; her face felt hot and she felt weak; thank God she was sitting.

"It's still a bit fuzzy, but I guess I now can listen to what you wanted to say…" she widened her eyes and blushed even harder. He smiled softly. "Or mostly I'll have the rest of my life to hear it over and over again…" he leaned over and heard her gasp. "Of course, if that's okay with you." He waited and saw her brown eyes locking with his.

"I cannot leave this place, Kakashi. Not now, not ever; I must be a masochist because it doesn't matter what you say my feelings will remain the same… I loved you…I love you and I'll love you 'til I die…" she whispered this confession and he felt his chest swelling with pure emotions no longer improper feelings.

"Guess this is more of a reason to give it a try…" he whispered leaning closer and heard her sigh long and in relief; she smiled softly.

He closed the distance between their faces and pressed his lips on hers. She cupped his face and returned the kiss softly feeling his right hand coming to caress her nape pulling her closer; she shivered in his hold and the next time their lips collided she granted access to her mouth and he eagerly entered.

She moaned in his mouth and tangled her fingers in his messy silver hair pulling softly earning a grunt from his mouth. She gasped loudly when he moved her so swiftly that she had trouble with following the movement; next thing she knew, she was lying on her back against the mattress of his bed.

His mouth immediately went to her neck and trailed down to her collarbone; as he reached the sipper of her blouse he tugged at it with his left hand; his right one was supporting his weight over her.

"You need to rest… Kakashi." She said in a soft whisper wrapping her long fingers around his forearm. He looked up at her with an incredulous look.

"I said I am fine." He replied and resumed his actions as he pulled the zipper down.

She felt his lips on her chest, right between her breasts and heaved shuddering breath; she was nervous after all. It was still hard to grasp the idea of being here with him knowing that finally all the pieces of their broken hearts were fitting together.

She bit her lower lip and pressed a hand over her eyes and tried to calm her shivering nerves.

"What is it?" he asked propping his chin on her chest and regarding her troubled face; she looked down at him and gave a small smile.

"Just… Thinking…" she said and darted her hand to his silver hair running if softly and feeling her fingers slid through the messy locks.

Kakashi nodded in understanding and she sighed with her smile still in place… she bent her back over and kissed his forehead and cupped his face as she remained close watching both of his eyes with affection; she traced a finger over the scar on his left eye and he sighed closing both eyes.

"I love you, Kakashi…" she whispered in the dead silence of the bedroom.

He opened his eyes and looked up at her, they stared at each other in the barely illuminated room and then ever so softly he felt her hands running down his bare back; with a grunt he propped himself up on his arms and looked her over.

Her long brown hair sprawled on the pillow like a morning glory; her flushed cheeks and glistening brown eyes; her parted lips and the shirt opened at the front revealing her white skin in contrast with her dark green underwear. He couldn't help but trace his finger all the way down from her lips, her throat, her collarbone, between her breasts and stopping at the hem of her black shorts.

He had to lean back and sit on his heels when she straightened to slid the shirt off her body; her eyes never leaving his and he let out a long breath when he felt her hands working his pants off, but her nervousness was taking the best out of her multitasking ability; he smirked.

"Let me help you …" he said as he lowered his hands to his pants and worked them off in a slow way, smirking when her eyes dropped and she swallowed thickly staring at his black briefs. He discarded his pants successfully and then wasted no time in unbuttoning hers while he heard her gasp.

He pushed her back to the bed and traced her ribs with his fingers down to her hips and slightly protruding hipbones; he hooked his fingers on the hem of her shorts and knickers and pulled them down together; he watched as she raised her hips to help him get rid of the clothing.

He discarded her bra and then his last piece of clothing hearing her shuddering breath as she shifted her body; he knew she was nervous. He grabbed her left calf softly prompting her to shift again so he could rest between her legs and only then he noticed the thin chain tied around her ankle.

He traced the thin lace and spotted the little maroon stone dangling from it; he felt the air leaving his lungs for only a second before he looked up and saw she had her eyes closed and was breathing raggedly.

"Rin…" he called huskily and watched as she opened her heavy lids. "This… this bracelet…" he said not really knowing what he wanted to ask. "I thought you didn't like bracelets…" he said and she frowned.

"What?" she propped her upper body on her elbows and regarded him with a confused look.

"You're wearing it…" Kakashi said again and she smiled in confusion.

"Of course I am wearing it… I've been wearing it since you gave it to me…" she snorted and watched as he widened his eyes. "That bracelet doesn't fit on my wrists… it is to be worn on ankles, Kakashi…" she smiled at his innocent and clearly happy look.

"I see…" he mumbled and then looked down as she frowned in faked anger.

"You mean you knew I didn't like bracelets and even then you bought me one? Why would you do that?" she asked haughtily.

"You know why I would do that…" he said not meeting her eyes for a brief moment as he lowered his body to hers and kissed her ear and her jawline.

She knew… she knew why he never tried to please her with things he knew she liked and instead went for things he knew she hated; it was his way to tell Obito he wasn't interested in her even if she was in him…

Not anymore… she was now happy and he couldn't be happier; in fact, while he kissed her neck, her shoulder and her collarbone he couldn't help but smile against her soft skin.

After he finally entered her everything went in a blur… a whirlwind of sensations and emotions… Both of them hidden in his bedroom; they became a soft symphony of moans, grunts and sighs. A moving piece of art in the fain moonlight coming through his window. Time stopped within and all they were aware of was feeling enveloping them… from inside out.

She couldn't explain it, but it almost felt as if her whole life had come to an end tonight; all of her choices and decisions, everything she did led her here; to lie with him, to learn everything she could about her love.

Counting all the scars that grazed his body and hearing the story behind them, kissing them as if to alleviate the memories and the pain.

Feeling and memorizing the way he shuddered and heaved long sighs every time she traced the pronounced dips on his navel, the anticipation building up inside and she could see it in his mismatched eyes as well as the warning look he'd give her.

To see his relaxed face as she kissed his hard abs tracing the tight muscles there; breathing deeply at every touch.

The hard and deep grunts and growls he'd let out whenever he became one with her and the hands that kept her hips glued to the bed as he finished with a shivering body.

He had learned so much more about the woman he loved; her permanent blush only deepening when he touched her ribs softly eliciting a soft sigh and a myriad of goose bumps after his grazing fingers.

Her tightly closed eyes and trembling body every time he'd kiss down her ribs and to her navel, kissing her hipbones…

He loved the moans and the call of his name every time he entered her; never feeling better than when he did.

At the end of the night she lied on her back while he lied on her chest listening to her slow heartbeat, softly thumping against his ear; her hands running through his locks making him sleepy, but he kept tracing circles on her hipbone and sometimes kissing from it up to her chest and then her awaiting lips…

While she ran her fingers along his naked shoulder blades she realized he hadn't said he loved her and not that she cared, after all it was a demonstration what he had done tonight, but deep down inside her greedy soul wanted to hear the words.

She sighed and shifted noticing then her left leg was numb and it was a bit uncomfortable. He noticed her movement and shifted with a sheepish smile she loved; he came to lie next to her and sighed softly when her skin grazed against his as she turned; her back flush against his chest.

He traced soft fingers over her exposed neck and shoulder and planted a few kisses there; he kissed a small scar on her shoulder blade and heard her sigh softly.

She closed her eyes enjoying the merciful silence enveloping them; enjoying the way he traced his fingers as if she was a delicate crystal… as if he was holding a precious jewel or something really valuable.

A small smile creeping on her lips as she felt his hand rounding on her ribs slowly and then his callused hand enveloped her left breast; not moving, simply feeling… feeling what she guessed was her heartbeat…

If only he knew… he was holding her life now… in his own very naked and callused hands.

It was a weird sensation… he no longer felt empty, but most of all the permanent silence he was used to be living in was gone, his mind was filled with emotions and great feelings and dreams, expectations and promises for the future… maybe next time he'd meet Obito he'd be able to say he was truly happy… because right now; he was the happiest man alive.

He heaved a long sigh and nuzzled her neck burying his nose in her nape and kissing her back softly…

"I love you…"

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**How was this for a happy ending... i owe you the epilogue and this chapter had one of the saddest and one of my favorite memories... i hope you enjoyed them and if you did, please leave a review... i'll post the epilogue on tuesday i am repeating my last college's test this whole week because i failed it last year... :( and i really need to be focusing on that project... hope you understand and i hope you enjoy this.**

**It was good to have you as faithful readers, trust me... i really liked writing this my fifth story for you... i've only posted four because the first one i wrote i wrote it in spanish hahaha... guess i'll post it someday it is a FMA fic...**

**Anyway i'll see ya on tuesday, weasels! :)**


	24. Epilogue

**I know this chapter is utterly late and the only excuse i can give you is that i was facing a big writer's block after i failed my test for the second time; i am so depressed i didn't even want to write...**

**I am sorry if you no longer wanted to read, but only now i found the inspiration and it is all thanks to The Offspring, they finally annouced their new album's date of release and it made me feel better... sigh~**

**Thanks to Ezio Uchiha that was the only one who reviewed the last chapter... thank you for all the nice words... :)**

**This is the epilgue and this story is finally concluded; i hope you enjoyed it and if you did leave your last review to make me a bit happy? :)**

**Please enjoy and remember to review!**

**The memory in this chapter is my favorite one and the saddest one so far.**

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**~ Epilogue ~**

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**~ Finally untied... now I'll walk with you for the rest of my life... ~**

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"_Kakashi…"_

_The five year old kid looked up at his mother as he played with a shuriken flipping it around his fingers; his mother looked pale and tired and he knew there was something wrong, but she often told him she was fine._

"_Yeah?" he asked with a curious look._

"_Come here and sit with me." She said in a sweet and kind tone; he looked back to where his father was talking with the photographer; he walked over and sat next to her. "Would you sit here, on my lap?" she patted the space and he seemed a bit doubtful._

"_Dad says you're a bit weak and I shouldn't give you trouble…" he replied remembering the same exact words._

"_Well you mother is asking you kindly to do as she says…" she smiled as he looked a bit confused. "Just come here…" she pulled him and he flopped on her weakened legs feeling her cold body as it trembled slightly he feared he might hurt her, but her warm smile reassured him. "Is this okay?" she asked as her arms encircled him around his back and over his thighs._

"_Yes." He replied curtly not moving an inch afraid to cause some sort of damage; every time he looked in his mother's black eyes he'd see some sort of sadness as if she knew something would happen._

"_It makes me feel like your mother… Like cooking dinner for you and tucking you in bed…" she explained to his simple mind._

"_Mom… you're my mother even if you don't do those things…" he sighed annoyed by her comments and heard her giggle a bit; he loved the sound, but her laughing was often followed by a lot of coughing and blood; so he simply grimaced at it waiting for the fit of coughing, but it never came._

"_You're a good kid, Kakashi." He felt her arms tightening around him; he was a bit surprise by the strength used and he realized this was the first time he actually felt it… "Remember to wash your teeth before going to sleep, to wash your hands before eating, to clean your room every now and then, to help your dad with the house chores, to wash your underwear and change them every day, remember to be polite with older people, remember to treat girls nicely, but remember they are really strong too, to give your best at everything, keep up with the good grades and remember to make a lot friends and have fun…" He watched her face while she talked and listened intently to every word. _

_She looked down at him with suddenly very clear and lively eyes, eyes he hadn't seen in so long… it almost seemed as if she was suddenly healthy or as if she had never been sick._

"_Will you remember, Kakashi?" she asked in a soft whisper._

_Could it be she knew something he ignored? His black eyes jumped from her left one to her right one and felt a weird feeling of anxiety building up inside…_

"_I'll remember, mother…" he whispered back and they shared a long look before his father interrupted._

"_We are ready… Oh, Kakashi you're too heavy to be on your mother's lap, come here." He extended his arms to take the kid off his wife's lap, but she held him tight and gave her husband a smile._

"_Let's take it like this, please." Sakumo's features changed from worried to indifferent, but Kakashi knew he was hurting._

_His father sat next to her on the porch and then placed his arm around her torso taking a deep breath… Kakashi stared at their faces._

"_Sakumo…" She called softly and he merely hummed his answer. "Sakumo." She called again and this time he turned to look at her. _

_Kakashi saw as his black eyes watered but no tears came; he saw as his mother gave him a faint smile and then leaned over closing her eyes… Sakumo regarded her face before he leaned down to her and softly placed his lips on hers._

_After a few seconds he withdrew from her and cleared his throat while he motioned for Kakashi to look at the front… Before looking ahead he noticed a lone tear trailing down his mother's cheek._

…

Kakashi opened his eyes with a weird and forlorn feeling nestling in his chest at the memory of his sickened mother.

He'd never forget that day… It had been the first time ever he saw his father showing affection so openly… Kakashi knew his mother had been sick ever since she got pregnant with him and his father had never been affectionate with her after he was born because he spent his time being worried.

That had happened only a week after he had her last dinner… and only two days later she died…

He sighed and felt the soft breeze blowing against his masked face for a moment before he opened his eyes again and this time he actually paid attention to the bright blue sky above him a small smile tugging at his lips as he heard the noise he hadn't heard before.

Laughing and someone squealing, the grass shifting under his weight as he propped himself up on his elbows and looked ahead with a smile; Rin was tickling Obito mercilessly while he laughed and tears prickled in his dark eyes.

He chuckled; feeling a sensation he had grown accustomed to only in the last five years since she started living with him permanently; their lives finally tied as they did their best trying to raise a kid that wasn't theirs, but they loved him like he was.

Rin now worked at the hospital with Sakura and was living a life she had never dreamt of, but loved anyway; only now she realized how much she craved for a family and a steady place to stay; Kakashi was there for her and she could trust him like the old times.

"No!" he heard Obito pleading for her to stop, but she was ignoring his pleas as the boy extended his hand towards Kakashi and pleaded for his help. "Help me, old man!" Obito yelled.

Kakashi smirked at the boy and watched as Rin's amused eyes turned to look at him; she hadn't realized he was awake.

"No! Kakashi is too old to help you!" Rin shouted as she tickled him harder and Kakashi felt bad for the gasping boy, besides the comment was uncalled for and just with his unnerving speed he appeared behind her and grabbed at her ribs making her flinch and squeal. "No!" she struggled, but he kept his attack.

Obito recovered his breath and laughed as he saw his mother trying to escape while the fits of laughter invaded her.

"Now who's too old to help?" Kakashi lowly muttered making her blush despite of her laughter. "Do I need to remind you I am just a month older than you, Rin?" he kept tickling, but soon her arms started to flail around and he had to immobilize her.

Obito then jumped and while Kakashi held her arms behind her, he started to tickle her again until tears started to trace down her cheeks.

"This is not funny anymore!" she yelled panting heavily and Kakashi motioned for the boy to stop. "Oh my God!" she said out of breath letting her back fall against Kakashi's chest resting her head on his shoulder.

"That was what I was trying to say, but you kept tickling me!" Obito complained stifling his chuckles.

Kakashi let her fall against him; everything that happened between them was treasured metaphor of everything he could give her and he knew she knew… he held her wrists softly and regarded her blushed face as she recovered her breath.

"I am sorry, okay?" she asked roughly as she separated her body from his and then ruffled the twelve year-old boy's hair with affection watching as he scowled at her action.

"Obito." Kakashi called and the boy looked up at him with curious eyes. "Do you remember what we talked about this morning?" he asked and the boy nodded. "Why don't you go now?" he asked again.

"Okay…" the boy huffed. "Don't do anything perverted, old man!" he added with a pointed finger and Kakashi waved his hand.

"Yeah, yeah… go now."

Rin was about to ask where he was going, but Kakashi simply pulled her to his chest once again keeping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head.

"Why did you bring us here?" she asked separating again and looking at him with a questioning gaze.

"I thought you knew…" he gave her a small smile as he tugged down his mask; he found himself doing that often when they were alone. "This place… So many things should've happened here years ago…" he said and she lowered her eyes regarding the colorful flowers they were sitting on.

"I only remember telling you that I would be back for my birthday…" she said forlornly now remembering the time when she had come to find him sleeping peacefully.

"Yes; and I said I'd wait for you…" he added shifting his legs so she was sitting between them. "This place lost its meaning when you left… and now that you're back it all feels like a dream…" he stated tucking a long strand of brown hair behind her ear and then tracing his thumb over her purple markings. "Just like the cenotaph this place reminded me of someone I lost…" she sighed.

"One would think that after five years you'd stop talking about it…" he knew it was a difficult topic for her, but he often liked to remember that he had recovered her.

"It's the first time in eighteen years that I come here; that's why I am saying it now." He explained and watched as she widened her eyes at him.

"I'm sorry…" she said and smiled softly as she leaned over; his hand was still tracing slow circles on her cheek as she did so hoping he'd just lean over a kiss her, but he kept both of his eyes glued to her lips, not moving an inch.

This had all been difficult for him; loving and caring for people was not something he was very good at, but he had learned and with time he had finally understood what his father had meant to say when he said he hoped Kakashi would find someone like he had found his mother; someone really important that he'd do anything to protect to keep with him; for better or worst.

Accepting lots of responsibilities he never dreamt to have; like taking care of a boy and raise him to be a good man, protecting him and his mother and sharing his time, sharing his house and his bed, working because he needed to and not because he wanted to… of course he still loved being a shinobi, but it wasn't like before that he could skip the missions he didn't like… Being there… being supportive when they did something good and watching over them if they were sick.

It was a hard job, but he knew it was reciprocated; if he ever needed help, a supportive hand, a caring touch, a word of reassurance and someone to hear him out, they were there waiting to be helpful and aid him.

He continued to make promises with the hope that he'd be able to accomplish them and so far he had… he knew he was bound to fail at some point, but he too knew that if he did they would be there ready to catch him as he fell…

Finally he was 38 years old and old enough to be called old man, but now he had more than he ever had since he was a kid… since he lost his mother and things started to change… finally he remembered what love meant and how it felt; in one word it was reassuring.

Thirteen years of utter and complete solitude drove him to think he wasn't made to care or love, but in only one night he had learned that he could love and mostly he had loved ever since she left; he only needed to care and embrace the feeling.

He took a deep breath as he felt the warm embrace of things he shared with her and then leaned over.

"I love you…" he whispered softly, almost imperceptible, but she heard him anyway and closed her eyes.

His lips brushed over hers softly and then kissed her fully feeling her hands coming to wrap themselves around his neck and pulling him closer; he smiled as she moaned when he placed a hand on her neck feeling her skin as the goose bumps appeared.

"This will have to wait, Rin…" he said huskily as he felt her arch her back and pressing her chest against his.

He regarded her half lidded eyes; her blushing face with her slightly parted lips and he wished they could actually stay there forever, but unfortunately he had other plans… plans he was starting to regret.

"Let's go…" he muttered softly standing swiftly and leaving her on the grass with a slow brain as she tried to figure out where he had gone; he smiled. "Come here…" he extended his hand and when she took it he helped her up. "We need to get going…" he said and she simply nodded.

They walked home hand in hand as the sun settled; never had he felt as happy as he did now. Just the mere action of holding her hand made him so happy he had to control the stupid grin from gracing his lips.

The went up the stairs and to the door of their flat and he opened it letting her inside the darkened room and as soon as he closed it and turned on the lights everyone jumped out of their hideouts with wide smiles.

"Happy Birthday, Rin!" they yelled making her flinch and back into Kakashi's arms.

Everyone was there; Kurenai, Anko, Shizune, Gai, Kotetsu, Izumo, Genma, Tsunade and all the rookie nine and other friends along with Obito holding a big cake and almost 4 decades of candles; she blushed.

"This cake is embarrassing…" she muttered as they all encouraged her to blow them.

"Make a wish!" Kurenai yelled from the back and she heard them all laugh at something Anko said along with a hard blush.

"I don't want to know what she said!" Rin said loudly and then bent down to blow the candles.

Everyone clapped and then they began the party, chatting amicably and enjoying the cake, drinking some sake, telling stories and even dancing and singing for a while…

People started to leave the flat around eleven and the last to leave were Anko, Izumo and Kotetsu, Kurenai had left earlier because Yuki needed to go to sleep early. Obito had fallen asleep on the couch and Kakashi tucked him in bed after a while; he was amused as he regarded his longtime friend and now lover, she was clearly drunk by now; her blushing face and her heavy lids over her dark eyes, the way she was swaying lightly from side to side.

Finally Anko's forehead hit the table and Izumo and Kotetsu stood saying they'd take her home; Rin was so drunk she merely waved her hand with a dreamy grin. Kakashi accompanied them to the door and closed it behind him as he heaved a long and tired sigh.

He walked back to where she was still smiling up at him and he sat next to her facing her and stifling his laughter.

"Thank you… this was the best party ever!" she said with a waved of her hands that almost managed to hi his nose; he chuckled lowly and pulled down his mask.

"Never thought I'd live to see you drunk…" he supported his chin on his palm and he supported his elbow on the table and regarded her with interest.

"Stop it!" she giggled making him chuckle again. "Stop staring!" she said again this time slapping a hand on his thigh. He smiled when she leaned over he leaned back; her cheek coming to rest on his chest. "That's a nice heartbeat…" she said softly and he chuckled again; it was too funny to see her like this.

"I think I like the drunken Rin…" he murmured and she slapped her hand on his chest. "She's cute…" he brought his hand up to cup her cheek and made her look up at him.

"Do you have a present for me?" she asked slurring the words and he smiled at her timing he was about to kiss her.

"I thought planning this party was my gift… and I took you on a picnic this morning, isn't that enough?" he asked amusedly running his thumb over her lips; her hair was a bit tousled and he had to fight to urge to simply take advantage of her drunken state.

"I want something else…" she said blushing even more. "Can I be greedy tonight?" she asked grabbing a hold of his collar and pulling him slightly to her face; he licked his lips trying hard not to laugh at her odd behavior.

"Sure… You can be greedy every night if you want…" he added as she shifted and he was even more surprised as she sat on his lap awkwardly almost falling twice, but his sober hands helped her. "I need to remember that you have low tolerance for alcohol…" he said with a snort, placing a hand on her hip and another over her thighs.

"Am I doing it right?" she suddenly asked him and he looked up at her brown eyes with confusion. "Anko-chan said… I should try this because you would like it…" she nuzzled his neck and he actually shuddered.

"I think… you should do things because you want to do them and not because Anko says you should…" he said after swallowing hard and even then his voice came out like a husky whisper. "But yes…" his voice suddenly came high-pitched as she kissed under his ear. "You're doing it right…" he added.

He closed his eyes as he felt her shifting her position a bit and he groaned at the friction; the hand that had been on her hip lowered to her bottom while the other tightened its hold on her thighs; he felt her nose grazing against his neck until he felt her cheek softly on his shoulder.

He ran his hand up her thigh driving the fabric of her skirt up; he was too busy hooking his fingers in her underwear's hem that he didn't notice she had stopped and only realized when her right arm fell from around his neck and hit her lap…

With his fingers still hooked on her underwear he moved his face to the side to question her and found her sleeping face and a trail of drool that soon would reach his shirt in no time…

"Rin…?" he called and received no answer; his surprised features softened and he heaved a sigh of defeat. "Sure a drunken Rin is cute… but is total tease…" He smiled and pulled her skirt down again taking her in arms and walking over to their bedroom.

He laid her on the bed softly and watched her hair sprawled around her face; he took off his shirt and crawled next to her pulling the covers over them and pulling her to his chest and taking a deep breath.

"Guess your present will have to wait…" he kissed her temple and reached inside his left pocket placing the small and velvety black box on his nightstand. "I love you…" he kissed her lips softly and soon after closing his eyes he was greeted by a dreamless slumber.

No more nightmares or bad memories…

No longer a lonely scarecrow…

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**So how was it? Hope it was good... **

**Next in line if i recover the inspiration any time soon, will be Naruto and Sakura's story... let me know f you want that one or should i work on Orihime's and Ichigo's one...?**

**Thank you for reading this story i am truly grateful to all of you who took your time to review and let me knoew if the story was of your liking... as i said; what's a story i no one reads it? Thank you weasels, i shall see you soon... :)**


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